Q. My husband has a very low sex drive and little or no desire for any physical contact. In contrast, I have an extremely high sex drive and touch is important to me. It is killing me to not have these needs fulfilled.
I have tried to ignore this problem. I can do so for a time, but then I get a flood of emotions that I can barely control: hurt, anger, depression, lack of motivation and self-destructive thoughts. Is there something I can do to kill my libido? He refuses to go to counseling.
A. If your husband realized how much his lack of interest is damaging your relationship, he might be motivated to talk to his physician. Low testosterone levels could be contributing to his missing sex drive.
There are drugs that can dampen desire, including many antidepressant medications. They all have other side effects, but since you are feeling depressed and self-destructive, your doctor might feel that one is appropriate. Such medication is not a panacea for relationship difficulties, however.
A new book by clinical psychologist Harriet Lerner, PhD, might also help you figure out how to talk with him about this intimate topic. The title is Marriage Rules, and it offers numerous tips on improving relationships. Our interview with Dr. Lerner gives some practical advice on this problem.