Q. I am a male and I feel horrible that I can’t match my wife’s libido any more. We are both in our 30s, and my sex drive has decreased over time while her libido has drastically increased.
I’ve been told that women reach their sexual peak much later than men, which would explain this. In our 20s, I was the one begging for sex all the time.
My wife is sexually frustrated and I feel emasculated since I can’t satisfy her as often as she would like. I also work a stressful job and that affects libido.
I read on your website that spearmint tea might help curb her cravings. Is there any science to support this suggestion?
A. Before trying to dampen your wife’s sex drive, perhaps you should see your physician to make sure there is nothing causing your low libido. For example, testosterone levels should be checked. Counseling may help you deal with the stress of your job and might also benefit the relationship.
Women’s Perspectives on Partners’ Low Libido:
We have heard from hundreds of women that their partners are just not interested in sex. And we are not talking about women in the seventies or eighties. In fact, the complaints are so common that we are beginning to think there might be environmental contaminants that could cause low libido for millions of men.
Perhaps estrogenic compounds in beverages or food are dampening the sex drive of American men. Here are just a few stories from our website:
“I am incredibly young (early twenties) and my husband and I have been together since we were seventeen. You would think since we are so young and early in our marriage (a year and a half) that the sex would be frequent and enjoyable.
“I feel silly, especially after reading some of the comments on this website [where women wait for months to have sex with their partners], but we have sex maybe once a week and I practically have to beg for it. And whenever we have sex it’s short and only satisfying in the sense that it gets the job done but isn’t toe curling.
“I absolutely hate having to ask for it all the time and still have him find some way out of it.”
J.E.S. is also young:
“I am 24 and I’ve been with my partner one year and two months. My partner has a very low sex drive too and I also have to beg for it.
“Besides the sex life we have a brilliant relationship. I adore him and so does my little one. I feel so bad being rejected. It feels so good to see stories from other women on this website who are dealing with this too.”
“This is honestly the most frustrating problem. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year now. I really love him, and we get along really well. He’s my best friend, but he’s almost never in the mood and I keep feeling rejected because of how little sex we have.
“The first six months of our relationship were amazing, with us having sex around twice a week. Now I think the last time was around two months ago. I don’t even want to initiate anything anymore just because I know I’m going to get shot down. I love him very much but I just really need the intimacy that comes with sex.”
We do not know what is behind this strange and seemingly widespread lack of sexual desire among young and middle-aged men. So many women have written to us seeking ways to to suppress their sex drive that we are confounded. Here is a link to over 100 heartbreaking stories.
What About Spearmint Tea to Lower Libido?
There are a few studies of spearmint tea showing that it reduces free testosterone, which might affect sex drive (Phytotherapy Research, Feb., 2010).
We think spearmint tea is a poor substitute for trying to discover what is behind this “epidemic” of low libido. Counseling remains an important tool to understand the dynamics of the relationship. And checking hormone levels must be part of any medical workup.
Please share your own story below and vote on this article at the top of the page.