There’s a popular stereotype that guys have only one thing on their minds. SEX!

The implication is that women have to fend men off and that they are much less interested in making love. Based on our unscientific sample, however, the stereotypes are much too simplistic.

Women visiting our Web site ( have shared some incredible stories of frustration. Here are just a few:

You always hear from guys that they would love a girl like me, but put it into practice and you find out quickly that this just isn’t true. I have had a high sex drive since I hit puberty and have never found anyone to match it.

“I have been with the same man for 10 years, and it has always been the same: I am the initiator (95 percent of the time) and the sorely disappointed one (90 percent of the time), night after night. I spend too many nights crying, feeling unattractive and listening to snores come from the other side of the bed.

“Other than this, we get along well, have similar interests and have established a good home. The biggest problem is that we are both in our 30s. I love my husband, but I don’t know if I can deal with this for the rest of my life! I am looking for a way to reduce my sex drive because the rejection is killing me.”

Another woman commented: “I thought I was basically alone in this. I’m a young woman with a very high sex drive. Except for sex, I am in a wonderful relationship.

“I have been with my boyfriend over two years. The first few weeks were bliss, where he actually wanted to make love with me. Since that time, we’ve gone from four or five times a week to MAYBE once every six weeks.

“I’ve dolled up, put on my best lace nightie, and when I walked into the room, he didn’t even notice. He makes me feel so bad for always wanting it, like I’m some sort of weirdo.

“He’s 24. He says he loves me and that he’s still very attracted to me, but there is no proof. He doesn’t even try to initiate anything with me and when I do, I’m rejected. I need something to kill my libido because my ego can’t take any more rejection.”

Apparently this problem is not at all unusual: “I can’t believe so many others know what this is like. My sex drive is slightly above average. My boyfriend’s is well below average.

“Other than the lack of sex, our relationship is perfect. I wish this one thing didn’t hurt so much. We’re both in our mid 30s and healthy. He just doesn’t desire sex.

“On average, we have sex once every six weeks or so. At this point, once a week sounds good to me. It hurts so much to feel so undesired. Even when we do have sex, it’s only to please me. The sex is really good when it happens. Every time we do I get my hopes up that it’ll be more frequent but my hopes are always crushed. That’s why I’m searching for something to kill my sex drive.”

Although there are drugs that dampen libido as a side effect (antidepressants or hormones like progesterone) and herbs (such as chaste tree berry) that also may reduce sex drive somewhat, this type of problem is best addressed with counseling. Even when one partner is not in the mood, he could find a way to satisfy the woman he loves. Who knows, maybe while he’s helping her he may find himself more interested.

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  1. Sharon
    Washington, DC

    I too have this problem my drive is much higher and he has delayed ejaculation. I do think porn use and solo masturbation are driving a lot of this. I am willing to bet that most of the men turning down sex are still pleasuring themselves most likely to porn. A man with legit low sex drive due to meds etc would not be doing that. Porn is something a normal woman can’t recreate and many men can’t get turned on enough due to conditioning themselves to only feel pleasure from the high dopamine flow of porn. They also often get accustomed to their hand which sex can’t mimic. They may also have had ED issues in the past from using porn and so avoiding sex is easier for them. This is a huge problem if you google it. I think the other thing is that women have always wanted sex as much as men did they were just socialized not to express that. So now you have women asking for more when in the past they would have kept quiet. Finally there is age. My partner is in his late 40s and I in my late 30s and our drives do not match up at all!

  2. Leah

    I’m glad I’m not alone here. I feel so ugly and unwanted. We’ve been married less then 2 years and our several times a week sex had diminished to every 2 weeks. Now its been 5 weeks without it.
    I’ve talked to him about it several times and sometimes he makes an effort but its like sex with me is a chore now. 1. Take out garbage 2. Laundry 3. Give wife some, etc. He’s always too tired or his back hurts. (We are both in our early 40s) He refuses to see a dr. When we do it, he loves it, so not sure why its such a chore. I’m very fit and look the same as we got married but I dont think he is attracted to me. I have asked him if he is gay but he insists he’s not. What kills me is I see him checking out other, more voluptuous women. I’m sure he is not cheating plus he is completely computer and smart phone illiterate so I dont suspect porn. I used to beg him, have discussions, cry to him. Now I gave up. He loves to cuddle but I’m starting to pull away from that, and I dont even kiss him anymore. He wont go south cause he thinks its gross (I’m clean, shower 2x day). After that I refused to go south for him. I feel dirty and gross. When we do it its only with the lights out (so he cant see me?) I love him and need him but tired of this rejection. It’s physically painful to feel so randy. ..though I do “take care of myself”, but I hide that from him.

    I’ve talked to him about this and things only change for a bit and they go back to the same. My female coworkers complain that their husbands want it daily and I just laugh but inside feel so sad. I know its him that has the problem and I know he loves me deeply so I dont know what to do I have no one to talk to cause that is too personal to share with people who know him.
    I dont believe in divorce except for infidelity, sometimes I’d wish he’d cheat so I could leave. I’ll never cheat though this is tempting me. At the same time I love him and want to stay with him through thick and thin. I looked into ways to diminish my sex drive since he wont do anything about his and is perfectly content with his low energy life. All his energy goes to his job and he gives 100% to it and he has nothing left. I have asked him to take time off or cut back on days or hours and he wont. Is that to keep me at a distance?

    All I want is some nookie a couple times a week and I’ll be happy. I’m not sure what to do. I’m glad I’m not alone, I always figured most men want it and would be happy with a woman who wants it often. I honestly cant believe this is my life and this is how its gonna be.

  3. Ella

    I have met many women with this problem. The question is: What is the problem? Is it that women want sex or the fact that men want it less??? In my opinion, it’s the men. Why do women have to blame themselves for everything? I think it’s the men who need to catch up and do something about it.

    But the world doesn’t make it easier for them. In fact, our consumer culture and the media make our sex lives miserable. We live in a time of rapid evolution of our sexual culture, for better or worse. Men are bombarded with images of the most beautiful women. These women in addition to being beautiful (selected from hundreds if not thousands of models) are being photoshopped. Men become familiar with beauty and have a distorted and rigorous view of how the ideal female body should look like.

    And then there are oceans of porn. A normal average looking woman can’t possibly compete with this ideal. Imagine a man a hundred years ago. What could a man compare his girlfriend’s naked wife to? Only another naked woman – and there were almost no occasions to get such a view. Yes, there was pornography in the nineteenth century – but unlike today, it was a rarity.

    Another thing that can add to this problem is the false belief – frequently seen in movies, that when a woman takes sexual initiative, the man will be instantly turned on. From my own experience and my female friends who have tried this – nothing turns a man off more than a woman initiating sex in a confident or pushy way.

    In fact, it takes more time and complex seduction to turn a man on than it takes to get a woman into bed. I’m serious. In movies, women get naked or half naked and the men instantly storm them, because it looks good on the screen – that’s all. TV had been ruining our everyday lives in many ways, but this by far is the most painful of them, as it touches the most intimate and crucial area of our life.

    Finally – the sexual life peak theory. This has been proposed by Alfred Kinsey and received strong criticism, and some have conducted studies which have provided data that disproves it, BUT, I personally find this theory consistent with my own observations. I’m talking about my own experiences and the experiences of my female friends.

    According to this theory, the peak of sexual activity, the ability and readiness to have satisfying sex is different for each gender. According to Kinsey, men reach their peak in their mid-twenties and from then on, their libido slowly decreases, whereas women reach their peak in their mid thirties to forties.

    This, he explains is caused by the fact that women need more time to learn about their own needs and how their bodies work, or more importantly how to orgasm quickly and efficiently. Women with age also overcome their insecurites, learn to experiment and state their needs more openly.

    In the case of males, the issue is more straightforward and “hydraulic” in nature, and related to testosterone levels which have an age dependant curve of production. I personally believe that if a man doesn’t want to have sex, he’s having sex with someone else. But that’s just me.

  4. Alex

    I am 22, my boyfriend is 21. We’ve been together for 3 years. I have a very very high sex drive and I physically need him 24’7, but he always says that he is tired or that he has to work the next day OR he tells me that I am only allowed to have one round of sex. I feel like a dog.

    The first few weeks of our relationship, he was able to do 3 rounds in a row… Then it turned into having sex only once everyday… and then this last year, we’ve been only having sex once every other week.

    Since he makes me wait so long and doesn’t initiate anything sexual or romantic… I have now been holding sex back from him. A week went by and THEN he finally came over and tried to grind against me while I was trying to fall asleep BUT he didn’t do anything that week for me that would make me feel like I was his or that he wanted me… He just completely disappeared (since I didn’t initiate anything) and then he decides that “oh he is ready to have sex now”… as if … He tells me that he doesn’t want anyone else when I offered that we have an open relationship…

    I’ve brought a girl for him so we could do a three sum but he wasn’t into it… I’ve tried to spice things up for him but he only likes vanilla… He is just not on the same boat as me sexually. SO NOW it has been 2 weeks without sex and I already feel like I am going to melt and die (I can’t masturbate, I hate fingers and plastic toys).

    I am trying to completely cut off my high sex drive so I don’t feel so physically neglected and empty. I want to be able to function normally without having it on my mind!! I don’t want to feel like a thirsty horn dog that will take scraps… I don’t want to be that way with anyone. I’d like to have self control, but it’s hard when my entire body aches for it. I just need to get rid of it completely.

  5. Kandra

    I’m relieved to see I’m not the only one in this situation. I have a very high sex drive. I have since the first relarionship I had. I told my husband this before we got married 2 months ago. The fire is already burning out. I’m so frustrated! I think about it every day at least few times a day.

    I’m 40 and attractive. He is 39 and I’m very attracted to him. But with him turning me down so much it makes me feel unattractive and unwanted. We do have sex 2 to 3 times a week now but that’s me really pushing for it most of the time. It is amazing when we do!!! But by the time I plead for it and get it… it’s like a job interview.

    We should still be in our honeymoon phase. I’m sure it’s going to get worse soon. I don’t believe in cheating but I know me….I need intimacy!! So I need to slow down my sex drive before I lose my mind.. NO I won’t get castrated. I already had hysterectomy due to cancer.
    That still did not slow down my sex drive. ANY ADVICE that really works would be appreciated.

  6. Cid

    Mine is a long story, I`m very much a male pensioner. From finding my first long term girl friend at a swimming baths at the age of 20yrs, sex with her was perfect. At any chance and time would last for hours given the circumstances. Sometimes so long, she found it difficult to walk the following day. This was ruined after a few yrs buy a very jealous mother and that was that. I`ve now been married to a lady for well over 50 yrs, with family. Sex has always been as good but over the last 5 yrs she just can`t, nothing in her body works. My issue is, ranging visions of a beautiful woman`s body. It`s just a fantasy, but so vivid. Not sure if other guys have this issue ?

  7. Michelle

    I am a 54 y/o married female who has started a physical affair with a 30 y/o who approached me. The sex is divine and oh so satisfying. I was masturbating every day while DH was having issues. I can’t seem to stop thinking about sex. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I don’t want it to stop.

    • Andrea

      MICHELLE, GOOD FO YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLENTY of men out there, you just have to let them know you are interested !!!!!

  8. Shay

    My husband makes me feel so bad about wanting sex… I literally count the weeks in between the times we have sex. I can’t even mention being aroused or anything without him making a slick comment that makes me feel low… He doesn’t pick up on hints that i’m in the mood or anything and if i come right out and ask he just says no but when i cry he gets upset as if i’m wrong for feeling undesired and says he doesn’t know whats wrong… I cant take the rejection its very painful… i mean we’ve know each other since we were teenagers but now that we’re married it seems like everything has come to a halt… I don’t know what to do and i don’t want to hurt my husband or his ego.. I don’t know how to stop my urges…

  9. Nicky

    I am legit crying my eyes out because I thought I was alone, I have been with my boyfriend “officially” for 6 months but before we started dating we had slept together for a year. That year, the sex was amazing, it was almost everyday and it was just great! Then we started dating and something shifted.

    He began to tell me he just isn’t too concerned with sex in a relationship and I’m lucky if I get anything at least twice a month. I always initiate it and every time I feel bad because I think he doesn’t want it.

    He loves me and I can definitely tell but I am an incredibly sexual female and it honestly becomes physcially painful when I want sex so bad and he just isn’t in the mood.

    I dont know what to do anymore I am about to move in with him and I don’t want to end up miserable. Anyone have any tips on what I can do because I love him to much to let thid be what ruins it all…

    • Carol
      New York

      Nicky, there is nothing wrong with you. You deserve better. Don’t look back with regret. Run, don’t walk out the door! There is a man out there who will appreciate you.

  10. Troy

    I cannot believe there are women out there with this problem. I have been with my wife over 20 years. And our sex life has always been non-existent. The last 10 years, we have had sex less than 20 times. I have a high sex drive and masturbate every day. I have given up trying to initiate having sex, I feel rejected and frustrated all the time, spending hours at night lying awake with a constant erection.

    If I was single, I could watch porn, masturbate and go back to sleep. But with my wife lying next to me naked and warm and being so close I can smell her womanly smell, I just want to make love to her so much it hurts. I feel I am stuck in this situation, I don’t want to go behind her back and cheat even though I have thought about it.

    I have suggested we see a counselor or therapist, but she has no problem with me getting no satisfaction she won’t even kiss and cuddle because she says I’ll get the wrong idea and then want sex. The moral thing to do in society is to ask for a divorce and move on and then I can see whoever I like. But we have a 9 year old child, so I would never do that. So, I will carry on masturbating in secret, to porn for the rest of my life. I am only 43, I bet there are pensioners getting more than me.

    • Sus

      I am the gender reverse to Troy, England. so, I am a woman living without sex. It is difficult with children involved and it is this that keeps people together. I agree that being single would open up a whole new life. I am glad to have found this forum to realise that I am not alone in feeling frustrated and that it is nothing to feel ashamed about

  11. Jane

    Only been married two years… haven’t had sex in six months… and we have separate bedrooms… I just want out at this point but not sure how

    • Old

      I say to all of you who feel undesirable and rejected: it’s not you! If intimacy is important to you, get out of that relationship now! I am 57 and have been married to a man for 30 years now who has never been interested in sex (or maybe just with me). He told me everything… I was weird to want so much sex or that he just couldn’t right now… I am a nice looking woman with a very high sex drive. You say you want something to Jill your sex drive. Depression will kill it. I lived In a depression for 15 years and I am now waking up out of that and my life is over. How would I start over now and who would want me? Get out now and don’t allow another man to make you feel like something is wrong with you!

      • Andrea

        WISE WORDS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • Alex

        Unfortunately, depression doesn’t kill my sex drive. :^(

  12. Helen

    I’m 20 and so is my boyfriend. We have been together for 5 years. Our relationship is in a good place but what’s not in a good place is our sex life. Once upon a time he couldn’t keep his hands off me and now he barley notices me. I can walk out naked and he wouldn’t give me a second look. As of right now it’s maybe once a week or two weeks, other than that he ignores/pushes me away. He makes me feel like I’m weird for wanting to have sex. Compared to everyone else posting, once a week isn’t bad but when does it stop? Are we just going to go back to normal or will it start to be once every 6 weeks

  13. Kat

    I sympathise n consoled that i am not alone. No one can beat my record though so consider yourselves lucky. Been married 21yrs. Will make love a few times every 2-3 yrs. But it got so pathetic for the past 5 yrs NOTHING…it makes me feel so unwanted n cheap.

  14. Heather

    What do you do if you’re a 43 year old woman that hasn’t had sex with her boyfriend in 7 months? He’s 37 and I know he loves me. He shows it in alot of other ways, but he doesn’t desire sex at all. 7 months ago he did. How can I kill the desire in myself for wanting it so badly, when he’s never in the mood. He has even said to me: Just because I don’t have sex with you doesn’t mean I don’t love you.

  15. Lyn

    Wow….I thought I was the only one….I’m a 63 year old woman with the sex drive of a teenager. I like sex at least once a day. Preferably at night. I sleep so well afterwards. My partner and I have been together 18 months. We used to have sex 2 or 3 times a day….every day….until he moved in with me a year ago. Now it’s turned into a constant argument. I just want a pill to make it stop. Our life would be great if it weren’t for my sex drive.

  16. eve

    Hi, I honestly can’t remember the last time my husband touched me. Has to be over 7 months now. I have got to the point I am looking up Oophorectomy and being chemically castrated even having thoughts of female circumcision.

    So sick and tired of feeling undesirable & unwanted

    • Andrea

      Having yourself castrated WILL end your urges for sex BUT isn’t that a bit drastic?? Other men would love to give you sex !!!

  17. Emily

    I have been with my boyfriend going on 3 years. Within the past year he has completely just given up on sex. I try to start things up only for it to end in rejection. He wonders why I act so weird or like I’m broken, it kills me every time my hands are pushed away or he’ll say go “help” yourself out. We used to not be able to get enough of each other and it’s only getting worse.

    I feel so uncomfortable and undesirable. To the point of almost a depression and I just can’t stand it anymore. We are 20 years old and it’s just beating down. I go out of my way go to bed with nothing on wear my best most sexy pair of underwear and nothing. I try and he will actually push me away and say no. I’m just to my end with it and need some sort of way to make myself from always being turned on

    • Brandy
      South carolina

      Oh my, I’m so relieved…not being alone is kinda a good feeling. I’ve been thinking, if I could go get the female castration then we’d be ok again. I’m tired of feeling weird for wanting sex. I’m tired of crying, I’m tired of the whole thing. It has successfully killed my confidence.

      • Andrea

        Brandy, getting yourself castrated to end your sex drive absolutely works BUT why rid yourself of one of lifes pleasures? Your husband cannot take care of your needs then other men would jump at the chance ! I have friends who had hysterectomies in which the ovaries were removed and their sex drives declined and in 6 months they had absolutely none , and it will never return ! You were built for sex, don’t get rid of your ovaries, get rid of the man !!

    • Carol
      New York

      Emily, I’ll give you the same advice I gave to Nicky…there is nothing wrong with you. You deserve better. Don’t look back with regret. Run, don’t walk out the door! There is a man out there who will appreciate you. You are too young to live like this. I know you love him, but once you are free you will find love again.

  18. Tiffany

    I’m a 35 year old female. My husband is 47. We’ve been married for a little under a year. In the beginning we had great sex all the time. Now, although we still have fantastic sex we only do it 2 or 3 times a month. I want it way more. I would never consider cheating but I’m just not satisfied, and I sometimes feel like there’s something wrong with me

  19. Jen

    I am a 41 year old female that has a 42 year old husband. Sex has always been initiated by my husband and I have welcomed it (for the most part). We have never had a problem with sex. In fact, just the sight of me in my underwear, or changing, or sometimes just working in the kitchen, my husband would become turned on and initiate sex.

    A couple of months ago, I started having increased sexual desires and have been rejected pretty much for every one of the advances. He no longer seems interested in sex at all. He has his nose in his phone and I can’t seem to do anything to catch his eye any more. I tried sexy lingerie, purposely undressing in front of him, walking around the house scantily dressed. I have tried to talk to him about it and he says nothing is going on and that the more I try the less he wants it.

    I feel completely rejected, unattractive, and fighting thoughts that he is turning to porn instead of me. I have never had this much desire to have sex and it’s driving me crazy that I can’t have it. Reading the stories make me feel better somewhat, but I am desperately searching on how we can return to the “good ole days” or if I need to brace the reality that he just doesn’t have the desire to have sex any longer. Help!

  20. Fiona

    I have been with my boyfriend a short time (7 months), and at the beginning he thought he wasn’t living up to it in the bedroom until he spoke to me. Then things were great. Now again he just doesn’t want it as often as I do but I think this may be due to a conversation we had abut babies and what would happen if I got pregnant “by accident.” If something is on your mind it can really bother you, and I think this is why there is a change. But it is so difficult to talk about!!!

    I dont want to make him feel worse by going on about it. In a way I’m glad I’m not the only one but I do feel for you all. It’s a bloody nightmare loving a man who would rather do what seems like anything else than rip ypur clothes off! ?

  21. Marcia

    I was so happy to come across this forum. I almost started crying when I read so many familiar situations and feelings. Just knowing that I am not alone is so comforting. My husband & I have been together 9 years. For the first 2 years, we had wonderful, amazing sex almost daily. Now, it’s a few times a month.

    I have changed from a very sexually confident person to someone who now questions everything about my desirability. I go from resentment to self loathing to just plain sad. No matter how many times my husband assures me that he does still find me attractive, deep down I don’t, I can’t believe him.

    Other than our sex life, we have a wonderful, fulfilling, affectionate and loving relationship. I am going to order some spearmint tea to see if that helps . Has anyone else had success with this?

    • Monica
      East Coast USA

      My situation is so similar to yours. I am really glad to have read these posts and realize I’m not the only one that used to feel sexy, but now feels stupid because I want to be with my partner,and he’s not interested. I have developed jealousy feelings (including rejection, hurt, frustration) which is not like me. It really sucks when you love someone so much, and sex is an intimate thing to share together expressing that. When not having a similar sex drive a part of our perfect relationship is lacking. It makes me vulnerable and beg for more of his attention. I understand questioning if he really loves me or not. Good luck to you. I hope you two can somehow have a mutual contentment .

  22. Ann

    Many women have this same situation. Do not spend the rest of your life celebate! Plenty of males who would help with these problems. You were not intended to be without sex!

    • Andrea

      ANN, wifes need to know that they have options, there are plenty of men who would be descrete and would be delighted to help. Let men know straight out that you are available. Make sure they understand that they should keep it descrete ! I have 5 different men whom I can call on when I need a session. Its called “Friends with benefits”. My husband pays absolutely no attention to me, even though most men are thrilled to just talk with me! I still look nice in shorts and keep slim so it is easy to make friends, some very close friends. My advice is to make yourself as attractive as possible and then carefully make friends with guys you find desireable.

  23. Janice

    So… Many ladies share my frustration but I need a solution besides drinking peppermint tea because there isn’t much else.

    I ain’t drinking no tea just to make the issue go away so why can’t they go drink some tea and increase their libido?!

    This is like the ultimate bait and switch from great sex to next to nill real quick!

    Sigh …..

  24. Chrissy
    CA - California

    I am a recently married, middle aged woman. Before I married my husband, we did NOT have sex. I stressed to him NUMEROUS times over the year we dated that I have an extremely high sex drive and that I would want sex on a daily basis when we were married. In response, he assured me NUMEROUS times that his sex drive matches mine and that his actually surpasses mine.

    Well, that is far from true. Beginning on our honeymoon, I was shown that this was untrue. The honeymoon is thee time when a husband and wife get to REALLY experience each other sexually. Out of seven days on our honeymoon, we probably had sex 4 times.

    Things have quickly gone downhill from there. We have not had sex in two weeks now, but when we do it is because I am initiating EVERY time. I feel unsexy, unwanted, and even though he says he loves me, I feel unloved. I feel lied to and duped.

    I have talked to him about this, but I am getting no where and I feel like I am wasting my breath which makes me resent him. I am now just trying to figure out how to live the rest of my life basically sex less. I’m looking into surgeries and chemicals to reduce or completely kill my sex drive. I’m sorry I’m not the only one going through some degree of this problem. However, I’m grateful that there are others from whom I can get support/ideas. Thank you all…

  25. Marie

    Your article helped some. I am a 63 year old woman. I live with a very desirable 71 year old man. We are so very happy. He is loving to me. I am to him. We have lived together a short time. Not quite 3 months. Have not had sex. He can’t remain hard to enter. I realize I am 63. A grandma. I am sometimes so very depressed, because I am beginning to realize that at my age- my desire to actually have my man’s penis enter me – is just dumb. He is so desirable in and out of clothes. It just isn’t fair. I so desire him, yet I know at my age, it’s just dumb. I need medical help to stop all desire for sex.

    • SJB

      My partner and I have been physically but not sexually intimate for almost 8 months. I am 72 and he is 65. We are both physically and mentally attractive and enjoyed sexual intimacy regularly for the first 7 months of our relationship.
      That seems to be a theme in this thread. I do notice that the majority of the contributors are decades younger than we, and that is pretty sad.

      My desire for him is unabated, and he tells me he is sexually attracted to me, but his actions belie his words. We continue to be physically engaged, but his sexual desire has abated, and as others on this thread have noted, our relationship has devolved to ‘housemates who comfortably share a bed’. He tells me that this is due to the stress of transitioning from work to retirement, and from living separately to living together and melding our two mature households. He asks for patience, and assures me that the situation will improve.

      He patiently enjoys, even basks in, physical attention from me, but no longer reciprocates. Of course, I no longer feel like giving him pleasure and receiving sexual frustration in return. I know that I am attractive and have confidence in myself.

      Bottom line … he is working keenly to make a home for us together and I am certain of his deep love for me. Currently he is a great ‘husband’ but a lousy ‘boyfriend’.

      I have no interest in losing or lessening my sexual desire – I would like it to be fulfilled on a regular basis.

      I am willing to take him at his word and wait … to a point.
      PS: yes, I have wrinkles – all one has to do to get those is live long enough.

  26. Tamara

    I’ve had the same problem in my marriage. My husband doesn’t desire me and won’t open up about what’s going on. I feel so broken-hearted and unwanted. One day while on his phone, a porn site came up. This prompted me to check his search history. It all makes sense now. He’s turning to porn instead of me. I feel like he’s cheating on me in a sense.

  27. Lucy
    Rainham kent

    I am in the same situation as the other women in this forum I have been married for 25 years in the beginning sex was fantastic and the first few years improved and got better as we got to know each other. I now have not had sex for 61 days and it has come to the problem of I drink vodka every night to knock me out and can get to sleep but can’t stay asleep so I wake up with sexual desires again my husband has constantly regected me and have always felt undesirable and unattractive I have asked begged and made jokes but nothing works I would like to sleep and not wake constantly wanting sex I don’t know if he has problems physically now

    • Marie

      I am so glad to know I am not alone. At my age when I look in the mirror I see more wrinkles. Yet know I’m not that bad looking. I’m 63, with a desire for my man to REALLY just ONCE! put himself inside me. He won’t take Viagra. Is it perverted for me to use a vibrator? I have, then I feel like I’m cheating on him.

      • Lynn

        I use a vibrator. What other choice do we have other than cheating? I am 51, my husband 67. I knew from the beginning that my husband would not be able to have sex. He has had 2 heart attacks and an arrythemia attack. I told myself if I wanted to have sex I could do that anytime. I wanted love and stability. That’s what I got. So there is no other option for me.

  28. Emily
    United Kingdom

    Reading other’s comments on this makes me feel a whole lot better as I draw comfort from knowing I’m not the only one going through this.
    I love my boyfriend dearly. We have a great relationship. Always laughing together and having lots of fun?

    I’ve been married before to a man who didn’t understand me. He wanted sex all the time and I didn’t enjoy it. There was no love between us. Meeting my boyfriend and falling in love for the first time changed how I felt about sex. It was no longer cold and harsh, but beautiful and gentle. In the beginning sex was often. Sometimes with him tearing my clothes off at the door when I got to his, but now its no longer like that. We still have sex now and then and it’s always wonderful, but I feel he is doing it for me than for us. It’s as if he no longer desires me in that way and can sometime feel more like a loving friendship than a relationship.

    We have kisses and cuddles in bed and we talk for hours together about anything and everything, but I’m finding this tough to deal with and often it can make me feel bad about myself. But what can I do?? He is my ideal man. Wonderful and honest. So I guess I need to learn how to live without sex, because I definitely couldn’t live without him.

    • Marie

      I feel better already! not hurting now! need feed-back about using a vibrator. Am I cheating on him? I told him about the vibrator. His words saying he’s ok with it didn’t match his facial expressions.

      • Becca

        Marie, you are not cheating on him if you pleasure yourself and you are not perverted!!! I am married to a low sexdrive hubby and often our sex is me using a vibrator while he snuggles and kisses me. I still want penetration and we do that sometimes too (wanting that is not stupid at all, it’s natural) but it is intimate so I’ve accepted it. Please make sure that you’ve told your husband what you need and want. You deserve pleasure! If he is mature and caring I think you’ll reach a compromise. Good luck!!

  29. Margaret

    Several thoughts occur to me: Is he Gay but still feels that a “heterosexual relationship” is his idea of the ideal relationship? Is he on a medication (s) that suppresses the libido? Is he having an affair?

  30. Heather
    North Carolina

    I am so glad I found this. I have been with my boyfriend for five years now. For the first three years we were highly sexually active then one day it just seemed to stop. It went from having sex four times a week to once everyone two to three months.

    I keep begging him and asked him for sex. We are in our mid twenties. Of what I’ve heard from other women “the sexual prime time”. But I constantly get rejected.

    I feel like I’m some kind of freak. Someone he doesn’t want anymore. Someone he has no desires for like he used to. Like he doesn’t even care about my sexual needs. It feels like he’s trying to push me away.

    I get so depressed that I can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror cause I feel so unwanted. There are days that my depression is so bad that I lash at him for not giving me the sexual pleasures I need. He doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong. That I’ve become troublesome to be with anymore.

    When he finally gives me sex it feels wonderful. But when we’re done I always ask myself “Did he just do that to try to shut me up because of how troublesome I’ve been?”

    I need drastic help before my relationship ends because of this. And I don’t want it to. I cry myself to sleep most nights because I want to keep this sexual desire but at the same time make it all go away.

    • Brittany
      New Jersey

      Hey heather! I know how you feel with the barely having sex part and your partner making you feel crazy for wanting it all the time. Just curious if you found out a solution to help you with what is going on. Also wanted some advice on something. I feel I’m being selfish because I want to have sex all the time but only with my boyfriend. The only problem is he is in his late 30s and I’m in my late 20s. He’s had back problems before and suffers from depression so he says he doesn’t think about sex like he used to and doesn’t feel the desire as much because of his medication. I just can’t help but think that he’s just not attracted to me anymore like he used to be and feel selfish for wanting it all the time when his back hurts or isn’t feeling good. Only thing is half the time I feel like he is only telling me those things so he doesn’t have to have sex with me.

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