The People's Perspective on Medicine

Seeking Ways To Suppress Sex Drive

Couple sex impotence ED

Check your email and chances are you will find spam. Even with a filter to block out unwanted messages, some junk slips through. These ads frequently offer to enhance your sex life.

But what if you don’t want a more active sex life? We frequently hear from women who would prefer to dampen their partners’ desire: “Can saltpeter lower a man’s sex drive? If not, is there a natural herb that will?”

Saltpeter (potassium nitrate) has been used in fertilizer and fireworks. It was also used at one time to cure meats. Although it has a reputation for lowering libido, this is a myth. Potassium nitrate could be dangerous if consumed, however. It can cause kidney damage or anemia as well as headaches and digestive distress.

As for natural herbs to reduce libido, there is only one we know of. It is chaste tree berry (Vitex agnus-castus). This herb was known as “monk’s pepper” and was purportedly used to dampen libido in the Middle Ages.

Women aren’t the only ones who are interested in suppressing sex drive. One reader recently contacted us with this question: “I desperately need your help. Neither my primary doctor nor my psychiatrist is interested, so I turn to you.

“What can I take to reduce my libido? I have a lovely wife who for the last seven years has not been interested. She is the only person in my life. Your input on this would help keep me from driving myself nuts as well as her. I’m currently taking lithium, sertraline, lorazepam and trazodone. After the ridicule both doctors put me through, I certainly hope you can help.”

Your physicians should not be giving you any grief, especially since the combination of medicines you are taking could be hazardous. What’s more, trazodone may be aggravating your situation.

Ask a urologist or a specialist in sexual medicine whether a medication for prostate enlargement might be safe for you. Drugs such as Avodart or Proscar can sometimes lower libido as a side effect. That is because they block the conversion of testosterone to dihydrotestosterone (DHT).

Progesterone is another hormonal treatment that may be useful in suppressing sexual interest. This drug does have numerous side effects, however, so you will need to discuss it in detail with your physician. The herb Vitex appears to have a mild, progesterone-like effect and may be safer.

Counseling is essential, regardless of drug treatment. Although your wife is not interested, physical intimacy is usually part of a wholesome relationship. Invite your wife to join you in therapy with an expert who specializes in human sexuality.

We would like to send you a CD of a recent hour-long radio show interview we did with one of the country’s leading experts in sexual medicine. Irwin Goldstein, MD, is Director of Sexual Medicine at Alvarado Hospital in San Diego and Editor-in-Chief of the Journal of Sexual Medicine. During the interview, he addressed problems of both high and low libido as well as erectile dysfunction and other sexual problems.

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About the Author
Joe Graedon is a pharmacologist who has dedicated his career to making drug information understandable to consumers. His best-selling book, The People’s Pharmacy, was published in 1976 and led to a syndicated newspaper column, syndicated public radio show and web site. In 2006, Long Island University awarded him an honorary doctorate as “one of the country's leading drug experts for the consumer.” .
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I am 42 years old, a lesbain with a wife who has a lower sex drive than I do. I love my wife very much, and in the beginning our sex life was great. When we have sex now I am satisfied but we do not have it as much as I’d like or need. When I say “need” I say it because at times I become very upset, sometimes enraged, that I can never be the one who initates sex. I have to wait until she tells me she wants to. It’s like my desire or needfulness has to just wait. Sometimes it’s weeks or even months. This has caused so many problems in our relationship. It is something we argue over.

Recently I have read articles on differences in sex drives in couples in hopes of saving our marriage. I am trying not to get angry or have any other negative response when I feel I need to have sex. She is struggling herself and has told me she feels bad. I went thru the “I thought it was just an excuse” stage, and now I know she is sincere and being honest with me. She says she can’t have sex unless she wants to, and it’s once every 3 or 4 months. She thinks it’s her medications. Like I mentioned, I just recently started showing understanding and trying my best to accommodate to no sex. I do masturbate but that too causes a problem. She doesnt like that I do it. She is OK if masturbate in front of her but only if she is in the mood. But if I do it discreetly she thinks it’s a form of cheating.

I am losing my mind and my patience. I am scared I will cheat on her, as I have been thinking about it recently. I know if I do she will leave me. I want to not feel sexual desire at all now because of all the problems it has created. I do not know what else to do or where to turn. Please help me lower my libido or give me some advice on how I can get rid of it learn to wait until she is ready.

I am a 49 year old woman and am not on any medication. I have always had a strong sex drive. I would like a way to calm it down because it’s driving me crazy. I’m not in a relationship right now because I had a bad breakup and only want to concentrate on raising my son at this point but I NEED SEX!! I do have someone I get with but it’s not frequent enough for me, and I’m not into promiscuity. If anyone has any advice on how to lower or even fully suppress my sex drive I would appreciate it. Neither my ob/gyn nor my gp were helpful, and I don’t know what else to do as masturbation is only a temporary and boring solution.

I really need to reduce my libido. What can I do?

I’m a very active and healthy 40 year old. I decided to go full MGTOW in my 20s as the current Misandry in our society has gotten rediculous.

Unfortunately I’m stuck with an unwanted sex drive.

It seems that most medications and suppliments that do so have numerous side effects.

This is going to sound funky, but in all seriousness. Cannabis is one of the best remedies for this in men. It may not be legal where you live, but is in my experience one of the best medicines for this. I am 29 years old, used to masturbate frequently in my highschool years. Then through a series of frustrations with human sexual dynamics, combined with a growing awareness that I felt greater physical and mental cohesion and strength when I don’t ejaculate, I started to leave sexual interest behind.

Not completely at first at all, but after years of reflection and tending more towards involvement with my favorite medicinal and psychoactive plants, I now have a very clear non-desire for sex, and even rarely have wet dreams. I am also very concerned to eliminate those, for I feel terrible energy-loss.

I will look into those chaste berries, interesting and new to me. But yes, cannabis has a clear correlation with sexuality, and in my experience it will send sexual thinking far away and actually has some physical effect in modulating sperm-production without stifling your reproductive health. There’s good reason why many eastern ascetic mystics like “sadhus” in India, who also generally seek to avoid sexual release, embrace the herb.

Not everyone agrees. In fact, people seem to differ a lot in how cannabis affects their sexual desire. Here’s a link to an old article:

I’m 20 years old and I’m engaged to the love of my life only problem is that I crave sex much more than he does. I know he loves me and I know for a fact he’s not cheating on me because he can’t get a boner from anyone else but him. I know this because I tested him when we started dating by buying him lap dances but every time nothing. He also took my virginity and the only man I’ll ever have sex with and I’m fine with that. I just need to either learn how to control myself or get his libido up. Way up!

Maybe ask him what turns him on, and then provide such things regularly? I don’t know why you’re on here. Seems kind of manipulative to want to change someone who doesn’t necessarily want to change.

I’m married 37 years and I’m done. I can’t hug , watch tv , have a conversation or be anywhere near my husband without him wanting sex. It’s sickening! And when he doesn’t have sex he takes on a psychotic personality and becomes another person with a crazy look on his face. He doesn’t understand that behavior itself is a complete turn off. Oh and he’s a paroniod schizophrenic on top of all this. But has been a good provider. I’m on here trying to find out what I can cook for him to slow down his sex drive until I make my exit. I can’t stand the thought of him only being happy if he has sex, it makes me sick! Life is more than that, I’m more than that.

Carol, please would you have a conversation with your husband of 37 years and get him to see a psychiatrist in your area. Medical intervention might be necessary and I have met a paranoid schizophrenic who is one of the nicest men but he needs, like I do, electroconvulsive therapy as treatment.

I’m not recommending this for your situation as your husband would definitely find this hard to trust people to go under an anaesthetic but if you tell him you are going to leave if he does not get help he might be brave. Also be aware that done of the medications or brain stimulation devices cause hyper libido and it is g really his conscious choice.

Wow, you sound really predatory.

Sound like you’ll both be much happier with different partners.

I am 54 year old and my husband is 66, we have been married for 31 years , through these years he have been cheating me with other women, have 2 kids within our marriage, he was never affectionate and we had sex when he desired. What is painful now is ,he is now a double amputee and because of diabetic he is not erecting anymore,and it is only now that he want me close to him because he can no longer get to get other women, my desires for him has died naturally because he never showed me affection.
The problem is that am starved and sometimes i want so strong but the feeling of him entering with his hands disgust me,as he can no longer give it to me , sometimes i think of remarrying so i can have that experience before i die or just kill the feeling altogether. Please help. MG Namibia

Sorry. I wasn’t attracted to my wife. I tried chemical castration. It didn’t work. We got divorced and I found satisfaction with many women. Sex is probably immoral but you go to have it. Women know. Men are pigs. Men are stupid. Men are sexual monsters. Hard to help what one is, even if is wrong.

Please help, I am male 29. I don’t have a sexual partner and it just comes wit too much rizk these days. Due to lack of sexual partner, I am getting more and more addicted to porn especially to milf variety. I feel so bad and so sinful after watching this kind of sh&t. Please help Please help me kill of all sexual feelings and thoughts. Any OTC Drug that can help do that, I am willing, please let me know.

I don’t fit well into this conversation. My wife has a libido. Oh she’s not 30 (62 and beautiful) but she is not uninterested. I, however, take a number of drugs led by Paxil ahd Ativan whose record for ED is mind boggling. It is not her libido I want to kill, it’s mine. I succeed about 20% of the time, and while she has never said a word about it, the humiliation is kind of building up for me. I can’t even let her see my face. I am at the point where I’d rather surrender (and I would be giving up something wonderful after 31 years) and not think about attempting it. Got anything sure fire for that?
And yes, I have tried great number of romantic ideas. They can’t fight chemistry. The Paxil and Ativan drugs act like an anesthetic (on a very particular area), I have been led to understand.

Hi, my sister has schizophrenia for years and recently she’s been shouting and moaning a lot. My parents can’t stand it and they send her to neurotic hospital. My opinion on this matter is simply she’s lacking the sex in her life due to her illness. This is a quite difficult problem to solve. In one hand we can try to find her a sex partner but yes of course, many risks involve. On the hand, I’m looking for legitimately a way to suppress her sexual desire, just like monks, these people need it because of their different circumstances.

I’m a 40 yr old young Widower, who has no desire to find a new relationship and would never contemplate 1 night stands or prostitutes. I find my high sex drive is making me depressed and masturbation doesn’t really help. I would love a natural, non-harmful way to take away my sexual desire.

How could I get a copy of the CD or is there a YouTube video of it? Thanks!

Fasting is the solution and cutting down sugar intake definitely will help, 100% sure.

There is nothing so painful like being rejected by the man you love with every fibre of your being. As I am writting on this page, my heart is bleeding. It’s really painful to be treated like some house chore sex in my marriage is about my husband it only happens only if he wants it but if I try to make moves, he never responds.

Now, he comes to bed in early hours of morning. I can’t even remember the last time he kissed me. I am really desperate to get rid of sexual feelings. Please help.

Feel the same way but the roles are reversed!

please if you have any response on this kindly forward to me as well, i av got same situation. thanks

Cross purpose! Your husband is like my wife. That is why I am here. I wish I had a wife like you. Perhaps, we can…

Fasting is the solution and cutting down sugar intake definitely will help.

The man I love hasn’t touched me for the past 18 years and he doesn’t even want to talk about it. I thought it would become easier with the years, but no. This is why I just want to kill my sexual desires knowing very well they are never going to be satisfied.

My boyfriend and I have been together for quite sometime now. He is 40 and I’m 28. When we started our relationship, we had the lamest sex ever but then it got better as our relationship progressed. I have noticed lately that he is not into me anymore. I’ve been making advances on him trying to make him want to make love to me but he wouldn’t. He used to be so into me. I get it that he had a long list of women that he had sex with before which is understandable. Also, he has always been so passionate with his work and I admire him for that. Yet it is so frustrating too feel unwanted unloved too feel that he doesn’t care about me (though I know he does). What do I do to reduce my libido? How do I remove these feelings?

I have often struggled with a sex drive that ebbs and flows. There are times it is high, and other times it seems to dissappear completly. I believe it is because I am bi-polar and experience manic episodes when it surges. It gets in the way of my life and causes me to put pressure on my partner for more sex or turn to pornography and masturbation.

What I have found works best for me is focusing on my thoughts. It appears that we feel whatever we think. Think of something sad, ie. someone’s death, and you will feel sad. Our emotions seem to follow our thoughts. Lots of times thoughts pop in our head without our asking for them. What we have to do is take more control over our thinking. Every time I have a sexual thought or even see something sexual I don’t dwell on it. Dwelling on it makes it very difficult to change the thought. There is no safe dwelling time. You must change that thought as quickly as you can. If you do, it becomes habitual and, before you know it, it is automatic.

Now when I see a sexual or erotic thing on tv or in a magazine I almost instantly change my thinking. When I feel a sexual urge I change my thinking for the 3-5 seconds it will take to go away. I repeat that if the sexual urge returns. I know that there are times we need some sexual release so I wait for the right time between me and my partner…a time when he wants it as well. If that is not possible I simply masturbate for release.

Keep yourself always dry down there and cut down sugar intake.

I can personally attest to the fact that the number one, sure-fire way to suppress sex drive is marriage.

Within five years, a woman’s drive drops to zero. A man’s will quickly follow.

That clearly is not true! Have you read the concerns from the women? My husband had trouble getting an erection once and just quit…..very little affection comes my way even though I have asked and said I don’t need to have sex if he is uncomfortable with his situation, but don’t shut me out!! I still enjoy hugs and meaningful touch.

Amen brother. That exact thing happened to me. We we married in January 1992 and have never made love since returning from our honeymoon in late January 1992.

I found the best natural remedy for mis matched sex drives many many years ago. It’s called compromise! She wants to 1 time per month, I’d like to 7-8 per month. Easy, 3-4 is right in the middle. Everyone is happy. Except we are not as people with lower sex drives REFUSE point blank to compromise and why? They are having the perfect amount of sex for them full stop and who cares about anyone else. Ah but you can’t have sex and shouldn’t be asked to if you weren’t feeling really up for sex? Wrong. There is in the mood, there is not in the mood and then there is middle ground. Middle ground is probably where most people sit for most of the time and when you are in the middle ground it becomes a choice. Shall I bother maintaining a physical closeness with my spouse or shall I not seeing as I am not fussed. Most people with low sex drives regard sex as less important than those with higher drives and they therefore choose not to when faced with this question. The proof of my statement above is that In nearly every case, when couples decide to try for a baby, like magic, the person who has hidden behind having a low sex drive is suddenly, miraculously able to increase 800%.

This is the best explanation so far. Thank you.

No one should EVER have sex unless they want to. Someone else’s desires aren’t my problem. A guy’s hand will give him an orgasm. And of course a woman can start having sex more when she’s trying to have a baby, she actually wants to at that point.

And, there’s an actual reason for doing it then. Other times, it’s a waste of time because there are more important things to do than touch someone’s gentiles.

I am a female who was repeatedly raped in later childhood. I am also wheelchair bound. I have zero desire to ever have sex again. I have never tried and don’t want to. I am looking for a way to surpress any physical responses to anything sexually related. I don’t masterbate a) because I don’t want to and b) because I physically can’t due to my disability. I do sometimes get a feeling like I want to, though, so that’s what I want to stop. Can females take chaste tree berry?

I forgot to mention that I have a normal sex drive, I just want to kill it completely to stop the arguments and rejection.

Fasting is the solution and cutting down sugar intake definitely will help

Heard Zoloft greatly reduce libido. Its used to treat anxiety, depression and PTSD.

I’m a 28 year old male, I have a amazing girlfriend and we have been together for 5 years now. But the last 4 and a half years we’ve been having problems with intimacy (we don’t even kiss any more).

We have talked about it but always come back to give it time. I have even said that I will find a way to stop being so needing (the reason why I am on this page right now) but she keeps saying that there’s no need for it (yeah ok……. There definitely is).

It’s killing me all the time trying to figure out what went wrong, she don’t love me no more, she don’t find me attractive now, I couldn’t please her so she thinks what’s the point. I have no idea what it’s about. I could try to talk to her again, but it just starts a bad mood off for her (that I have to put up with) and she will be snappy with me for I don’t know how long, and after that it will be the same “I don’t know……. just wait and see what happens. Give it time”.

I would do anything to have the old days back, the days when we a couple in love with each other, we are more like a couple of friends now. I just don’t know what to do. I love her, but does she still love me. Sorry for the rambling, just need to get in all of my mind. Guess I can only wait and see. I hope you all have good luck with your own personal problems.

Being “in love” is nothing but a functional myth. It has filled-in the secular nature of parts of our society, justifying the long-term relationships that lead to healthier children. It’s just a myth, though. You love your girlfriend, but she’s not attracted to you anymore. That’s okay though: you have plenty of worth to develop, regardless of who you’re having sex with.

Either your “girlfriend” has a medical/psychological issue or she just flat out doesn’t like you and hasn’t for a while. From your comments, you’ve been carrying on in a one-way relationship for several years. It’s time to let her live her life. Don’t hold on to her. Not all women communicate (which is a certain level on intimacy in and of itself). In my experience, people try to force that level of intimacy by probing and asking questions, trying to talk, and get half truths and lies. Sounds like you’ve living in that vacuum of trying to talk to someone, trying to be intimate with someone, who isn’t comfortable being intimate with you. And friend conversations differ dramatically from the conversations married/intimate couples have. What you’re going through SOUNDS, like “body language” but you’re just not interested in hearing it. She gives you a lie, and you take it, though it’s obvious she’s not into you and maybe never was despite the initial good time. And you gotta be careful with taking peoples’ lies, turning a blind eye to the truth. An excuse here and there,maybe, but not constant, not consistant. Cause then you’re just pressuring her, and “unfortunately”/fortunately, women aren’t like men. If she was into you “like THAT” she would’ve been killin herself to get this issue resolved. If anything is askew in my relationship, I will not let up until it’s FIXED. Because I LOVE my wife. LOVE her, like crazy.

Get the heck out. It will not get better!

Something’s up with her. You are far too young to be experiencing this kind of rejection. If she refuses to go into counseling, then you go. Maybe you should be with someone who wants an intimate relationship and more.

you can buy vitex also known as chaste tree berry. just look up chaste tree berry and this will show you where to buy products

Time is passing you by day after day week after week month after month still no change. Just the repeated (here we go again..) “Give it time” Move on. She has

i have looked up sugical carstration but you can still achieve an erection and would possibly need female hormone to lower sex drive completely.I do not know any doctors that would do this unless you have testeticle cancer if someone knows any doctor that would do this opperation I would like to hear from you

My wife inform me that from now on we are living in a sexless marriage. That’s fine for her, but where does that leave me? I still have a high sex drive, and masturbation works sometimes, but body contact is what I still need. When I try to touch her and see the look of horror on her face, I just say “sorry,” get dressed, and leave. If I could find some way to lower my sex drive or find a doctor who could cut my balls off I would. I cannot, and would not, cheat on my wife.

I’m a 59 y/o male with hyperactive sex drive that cause erectile dysfunction problems. Had to use herbs to reduce libido and assist in limiting orgasms to once every 2 weeks to maximize semen build-up and maintain erectile strength necessary for men as they get older. Found that several herbs can assist in different ways. Licorice root causes sluggishness and caused loss of libido interest. Hops made erection difficult. Valerian acted as a relaxant that reduced the libido need. During periods of immediate desire for ejaculatory release, found 2 herbs that caused immediate loss of desire and/or inability to achieve orgasm. Vitex taken cause sudden fluid release (“pre-cum” or “wet-dream” situation) that relieved sexual tension without full orgasm and removed continued sexual desire for lengths of time. Damianna for me ran counter to claims of being and aphrodisiac (like Maca) and terminated sexual libido through the inability to sustain erections for long periods allowing me to move onto other things. The latter two herbs appear to have positive impact on female hormones, consequently negative impact to male hormones. These are personal findings and all people are different. All herbs should be used cautiously with research on dosages, side effects (such as blood pressure), etc. Some of these though are very good at helping overcome overactive male libido to maintain male chastity and orgasm denial for longer periods of time.

I am a male of 49 years of age and want to fully stop urge for sex due to various reasons.

I feel strong desire for sex almost twice a day and feel guilty & feel myself an animal

Since I do not have any partner to live with, I fully need to supress or I will become unsocial element. Please advise me some “Ayurvedic Medicines to stop it. Please send it on my below email id.

My 45yr old wife has hypothroidism and early menopause. Her libido is non existant. No passion, no desire, no french kisses and never wants sex. We cuddle and kiss and are very much in love after 25yrs and 3 kids. Problem for me is that i am going crazy with sexual frustration. I found this site whilst looking for libido suppressant. When we hug and kiss i am left horny as hell. My wife is amazing, she would do anything i ask to release that frustration but knowing she really doesnt want to, makes it feel wrong. How can i let go and make passionate love to the woman of my dreams who feels no desire or sexual pleasure? It would be an act of selfish pleasure and not one of making love. I love her and could never cheat on her, she is my true love. She is taking supplements and seeing a herbalist and we are both hoping. I just want to be able to lay with my wife and kiss and cuddle without feeling frustrated, rejected, unwanted etc etc etc. My wife worries i will find someone else but i want to b with her only and she with me. Btw before hypothroidism and menopause our sex life was amazing. If i can rid myself of my libido then my wife will be free of feeling she isnt enough woman for me anymore. And i could stop being tempted to look at porn. I managed to be completely celibate for 9 months last year. Wifey was amazed. I am 47, train hard and my libido seems too be getting higher. Help?????

You feel guilty for having normal/healthy sexual urges? This is the key to overcoming. You do not need a partner to relieve sexual urges. It is normal to embrace what you feel. Do not be ashamed of who you are.

I’m a 33 yr old woman and I have a much higher sex drive than my partner and am starting to resent him for not wanting me and am terrified that it’s going to kill our relationship. Help?

I’m 26 and I feel like my libido is in overdrive. I know I’m young and I guess my hormones are jumping but being that I’m single and I don’t do the whole multiple partner thing I’m limited to the amount of sex I have. I feel like I’m going crazy at times. I wake up it’s on my mind, I’m at work and it’s on my mind, and of course I go to bed with it on my mind. Idk what to do.

I hate having such a strong sex drive. I feel like I’m the only female that has this problem. It makes me feel unwanted and not loved. We seem to fight about this issue more and more I don’t know what to do or how to feel about it. I hope that there is something i can take to stop my sex drive.

This problem is very difficult on both sides of coin. If you are a Husband like myself who has to struggle with a hyper-sex drive and your wife doesn’t, it can hurts. However, my main concern is not me but my wife because she is willing but any woman has her limits. I don’t know of any drug that you can take, but I do know that over the years the only thing that has been able to help me is prayer and reading my bible. This helped take my focus off of my desires and place them somewhere else and other people.

I will be in prayer for all of you because I know what you are going through. You are faithful to your spouses, and you just want to be fair and do the right thing.

Thanks for Sharing!!

I too have a very strong sexual drive.. It’s killing me.. My husband prefers masturbating watching porn rather than having sex with me.. We have had this conversation about how dissatisfied I m with our sex life with him.. He says he understands what I m going through but then we are back to square one.. He does not do anything about it.. I m so frustrated all the time that it is killing my feelings for him.. I don’t know what to do

Wow – i am more comforted but the comments than the article – i am SO glad im not alone.
Married for 15 yrs, still in love and MADLY attracted to my wife who is a very attractive girl making it worse.
Looking at my relationship, i have found we rarely fight over anything other than my frustration at the lack of intermate time, which i believe is a integral part of a healthy relationship.
If i was able to reduce my libido, we would have next to no reason to argue.
What i would give to reduce my frustration….because as it is i find it impacts on: Home, Work & Social life.
Sometimes i think it would be easier to cheat, but its just not in me to do so – its not just cheating on ur wife but, since once it goes wrong it impacts on ur kids lives, to me u are cheating on ur whole family.
Best wishes to u all, personly im giving the ‘Monks Pepper’ a go if i can find it!

I have been with my husband for 12 years, we were amazing together. The last year has been rough. He has high blood pressure now. The meds they gave him kill everything. I feel so selfish, but even the way he looks at me is different. I realay just want my sex drive to die too

Thanks for the thoughts on herbal remedies for “excessive” sex drive and for the CD recommendation.

Sounds like there are a lot of people in the same boat. I’m suprized there are no drugs that can help us lower our labito. Its getting more difficult to stay in a relationship that only varies from “rarely” to “zero”.

I don’t know about women but for me getting off the caffeine helped me not to be less aroused all the time.
Caffeine is a powerful stimulate.

That explains alot for me…

I don’t want to continue in this way either. I have been with the girl I love–madly, deeply in love for 14 years. We may as well be married, but we aren’t. I cannot, and will not cheat on her just because I (as far as she is concerned) have a high sex drive. I need this to stop being a problem because this IS tearing us apart. I can count on one hand how many times we have made love or even got intimate.

I am already seeing a psychiatrist. I have a new diagnosis of ADHD, and CP. And then throw in how worthless I truly feel, how I want to smash that damn mirror in the hallway just so I can’t see the reflection in it. Finding someone else is not an option. It never will be. She is all I want to live for, and every reason to stop breathing. Please tell me there is some type of sexual depressant. I don’t recognize me anymore, so I can only imagine what she sees.

You just saved my life. I am you, you are me. I’m not alone… Literally, you just stopped me from doing something horrible to myself.

I am a 53 year old woman and I want desperately to lose my sexy drive altogether. I think about sex all the time, I have no man in my life because of how I look and my age, and I am hoping if I lose my sex drive, then I won’t keep “wanting” a man in my life. I know this probably doesn’t make sense to anyone but it does to me.

Hello ,
I am 26 and my husband is 31. We have been married for 3 years. I have a group of girl friends who complain about their husbands’ excessive sexual desires, and I am the only one who will be all mouth shut trying to conceal my husband’s non-existent desires. I have been complaining about it with him for years, and he says he’ll change. After that a few days of steamy sex get my hopes up that things are changing but then everything goes back the way it was.

It is affecting my self esteem, and I feel ugly and less confident. Whenever he approaches, I feel he only does it to satisfy me. I love him a lot, and we are the most loving couple. I definitely don’t want to cheat on him because I love him like crazy. Demanding sex and rejection are hurting my ego. I have decided to stop initiating or demanding. I want to suppress my desires by taking medicines. In India we don’t get spear mint tea. What other options are available.

Please help. I don’t want to lose a wonderful relationship by cheating on my husband for this.

It’s like u have written my story in your post.. God I can do anything to kill my sex drive

I’m a male, but my experience is exactly the same. I wish you luck.

Hey x. Just want you to know I am in exactly the same boat. Even though it is untrue, I to feel desperate and worthless. I am only 36 this cannot be it….surely. I am an excellent listner so if you ever need to chat, hit me back. Take care hope things work out for you xxx

I don’t desire to be bisexual. I’d rather be straight and only desiring my husband, although I’m not married yet. I need progesterone or something to control my sexual appetite. And I don’t desire to have anybody else’s husband either.

I have been with my absolutely perfect girlfriend for almost two years now and I know that she’s the one. We’ve looked at rings and even started planning the wedding. For the first 7 months our sex life was amazing and that’s even an understatement. We were two people craving eachother and I couldn’t beleive that such a beautiful, sexy girl could want me as her man but I felt like I was living in a dream. Then it stopped, it went from twice every other day to twice a month to now once every month or two. I don’t know what to do. We can’t talk about it cause everything we do she tells me that I’m no better then another guy who tries to push their girl into sex. I am so attracted to her, I don’t think about anyone else ever. I want to marry this girl and now that it’s been like this for a year now her patience for me is weakening.

If I try to make an advance and kiss her neck while feeling her perfect body she pushes me away and tells me to sleep on the floor or in the other room. I don’t know what else to do. I don’t want to lose her. I workout a lot and I worry about taking something to kill my sex drive cause I worry about it effecting my workouts as well cause I know that if I lose my poster boy body she won’t ever want to touch me… Someone please help me

Man, I really dont think reducing your sex drive will be solution to your problems. While some people do have overly active libidos, your sex drive is perfectly normal and I think you should keep it that way. Maybe its not you, but her having some kind of a problem…

My brother once told me that once the sex is gone its over. At first I thought he was crazy for saying this, but over the years I have found it is very true. Not only the desire for sex from you but the desire for you at all. Sorry but it sounds like she is screwing around on you is that possible? Very pretty girl and very sexually active girl is not a good combination. Sorry you are going through all this.

DO NOT MARRY THIS WOMAN. Anyone who holds your well-being in such low regard is not worthy of your commitment. The sea is full of fish. Go find one who values you, your outlook, and your happiness.

I know your pain – I did this for quite a while myself. It really is incredibly rough, and no one should have to endure that. Which is exactly why YOU need to establish that perspective for yourself, through and through. You are presenting yourself as powerless within the context of the relationship, and this is very hard on her, because she needs you to keep it together, be resolute in your decisions, and take on the responsibility of maintaining standards for the household. In committing to her, you are essentially promising to play a critical role in setting up the foundation of your future nuclear family unit.

The truth of the matter is that she does not find you terribly attractive at the moment because of the polarity of your sex dynamic. You are trying to appeal to her, squandering your time vehemently trying to win her approval, so that she may reward you with sex for your earnest supplications. While this is an unhealthy setup any way you put it, please remember that if either of you is to express your intimacy needs in this way, it is an order of magnitude more preferable for her to take that role instead of you.

You need to work on valuing yourself as a whole person, without relying on the external validation that sex provides your ego. I am sure she is absolutely wonderful, but I don’t have to know her to know for sure that she is not “absolutely perfect.” Don’t change your life, habits, or yourself over this nonsense. Be prepared to leave the relationship and move on to another woman. Yes I am serious. I don’t care how much you love her – your passivity is making her unhappy, and breaking up may be, but is not necessarily, the best thing for each of you right now.

You have surrendered your position of dominance and traded it for comfortable submission, which is the biggest attraction-kill for most women. If you knew your worth, you’d be a gentleman and excuse yourself from being such a burden and come back when you’ve brushed up on how to build attraction again. Virtually all female-led relationships are doomed and very likely to end in infidelity and divorce. You have been warned.

How does one come to these conclusions? Simply watch the days go by and feel the harsh passage of time. Your time is limited, and is this really how you want to let this go down? You have a lot more agency in this life than you think, so either take a risk and stay grounded or forever wonder “what if?”

You kiss her neck and she tells you WHAT????
And after that you want to MARRY her? To do what? To sleep on the floor the rest of your life trying to suppress your natural desires?

I am so shocked that women have sexual desire and that they long to make love to their spouse’s, mine is a case that I find difficult to understand, my wife of seven years has never had any sexual advances towards me. I am always the one who seems to be on fire for sex this desire is driving me crazy, I am a strong believer in principles of the bible to be faithful to one wife for the rest of your life but I am forced to seek for sexual fulfilment via the Internet by watching women who are hot for their sexual partners, I don’t know how to reduce this crazy desire for sex, o am so stressed up

I feel you bro… i have the same problem here which make me arrive at this site.
I was looking for libido suppressant.

The more you think about sex, especially when it’s incorporated in an “entitlement clause,” you will drive yourself crazy. You say good things about the principles, but it’s obvious you haven’t followed with comprehension:
If a man has a sex drive, and he and his partner don’t discuss it because of insecurities (only insecurities cause doubt, fear, rejection, abondonment, etc.), then it is those insecurities that must be sought out by means of a thorough introspection with your SELF.

Time and again, men complain about their eye’s “subject,” but has the artist really stepped down to say “My model is done for the day?” Women confess this pain, too: how/ why do men put women on a pedistal? If they are seen as actual equals, with fully functioning sex drives, too, then why do men place women above us? They hate it, and men suffer from it.

Well, maybe old traditions from our past are what is making things hard. Maybe not. The only thing for certain is that women do not like men suffocating them for sex. Do you and your wife do OTHER fun activities? Or do the two of you just stay home or live different types of lives? How well do you communicate? How often do you both argue over the same topic point, but feel you both are on opposite sides?

Think about those questions. I had to with my wife, and now we have sex often – she starts it up more than I. And we enjoy each other’s whole company because there is not anything we cannot talk about with each other (of course, if there is a lack of information, we hold off until another time.) I’ve almost lost my wife twice due to this passive habit of thinking, “I’m not sure what’s going on…” and then doing nothing. It’s horrid and dismissive to your spouse. If you don’t know, break it down and kindly tell her that you don’t know what is going on making it clear that this is what you need to do; and you need her to give guidance (the rest is up to you – just as she would have to do the same for herself. It is a two way road to different cities).

That’s your answer: marry women who have sexual desire and long to make love to their spouse’s. And let asexuals marry each other and everyone will be happy in this world.

My desire for physical intimacy has outlived its usefulness, and I wish I could eliminate it forever. As a man with two failed marriages behind me, chronic and severe mental problems which prevent me from working or being in any way useful and productive, and an increasing desire to shut myself away from everyone, I despise the physical urges that still remain. Physically, I am utterly repugnant, with a personality to match. As a person, I am at best defective, and at worst a monstrous failure. After forty one trips around the sun, I have come to the conclusion that, for me, there is no quarter from life’s misery and that until I die, things will only get progressively worse. The mere thought of sex is a torment that I am forced to endure, and I do not want this anymore. It is just another facet of myself that I loathe, another weakness and failing that haunts me. I wish I could either rid myself of it or just kill myself outright, but as with everything else in my wretched excuse for a life, I fail every time.

Well boys, if you really don’t want to be bothered with a sex drive anymore then there is always casteration! You complain about the way God created you but are you willing to go get your nuts cut out? Stop whining like a little school girl with a hang nail and CHANGE your dam life!
Are you not the one in control of it? Start by using those dam balls that God gave you and start cleaning house. You will not only get your life back but your whole being will brighten up. It starts with you! If you don’t do something about your situation do you think some one else will continue me in and save you? If you don’t your lovely lady someday will.

It is as if I wrote these words myself. Glad to see that I am not alone.

Hello Max, I am not in any way qualified to help you with the issues you present, but I would strongly encourage you to begin writing, if you are not already in fact a published author. You have a way with words. Take care.

I wish I had the drive as strong as my sex drive to end my life because as much as I desire sex and never receive is making my life miserable. I am in my 50s. Single and alone and have never felt desirable. I never dated and am ugly, heavy and lost hair. Yet, sex feelings are taking over my life. I can’t control the wave of thoughts anymore than I can the ideation to harm myself grossly… I’m at my ends wit. Done.

Jaymetal I know how you feel we’re in same boat. But hear me out my wife left after gaining weight and getting old. But here’s the thing weight as I have found can be removed it’s taken me a year and I have lost 80 pounds girls are starting notice. As age goes 1 guy I work with is 72 and found a great girl he is overweight too. As far as saying you’re ugly don’t say that I have thought that forever but remember beauty is in the eye of the beholder, meaning she will find you as handsome when you find that right girl. As far as baldness two options rogain or do like my friend he’s a sercurty guard who has baldness we talked every day one day he was telling how didn’t like so I said “why not shave it all off?” The next week he did and you know what he looked better he gave off a strong sense with a intimidating feel which is good as a security guard. One thing a lot of girl have told me is they like confidence and feeling safe. So do things that move you to the perfect you and the ladies will come. My favorite quote I heard on tv is “be the hero you” meaning be the you that you will look up to and after awhile you won’t see your flaws you see your achievements. Oh one last try talking to the next girl you about something you with guy like weather or the news it will help boast your confidence and ladies will talk more when you not trying get them in bed. Try it what do you have to lose? Ps if want to compliment a girl tell her she has beautiful eyes, or her nails they like when you notice the little things.

I have got a wonderful man for a husband and will marry him over and over again.
We’ve been married for over three years now and in the first year of our marriage,
we had a great sex life. Making love like once or twice every other day. By the end
of the first year, I was pregnant and we both were overly excited. Sex became infrequent and that worried me a bit. When I talked to him about it he just explained
to me that he sees and loves me in a different way due to the pregnancy. That didn’t sound too good but I was ready to be patient and understanding nevertheless.

After our son’s birth, it got even worse. I have tried everything from working on my post baby body to wearing sexy lingeries to creating time for romantic evenings and even sincere heart to heart talk but none of that has worked. Its not like he’s tired from work or anything he’s just never in the mood. Seems like I’m the only one wanting him and that doesn’t make me feel good. I want to be wanted too but he hardly ever notices my sexual needs and cravings. I’m lucky if we make love once in 3 to 4 months and thats after I have begged and cried for it. There’s a kind of inner glow and confidence that making love with my husband brings me but now I’m beginning to lose my self esteem.(feeling fat and ugly even though obviously I’m not)

I love my hubby so much and I know for sure he loves me too. He’s been a loving and caring husband in every other way and God forbid that I cheat on him. But this continued unfulfilled sexual yearning is breaking me and am just plain tired of being rejected all the time and crying myself to sleep. I just want to quench this sex drive and be on the same frequency with my husband,at least that way we’ll both be happy (hopefully) Any help for a distressed housewife?

Sounds like your husband has the classic “Madonna/Whore Syndrome.” some men cannot see their wives as sexual anymore when they become mothers because they don’t equate their own mothers with sex. Speaking with a good therapist would probably help.

I wish I could just cut off my testicles and be done with it.

He’s not so loving to put you through this and you don’t need to degrade your self for it. It only gets worse if you don’t do something about it. Suppression and abstinence is not the answer. Get real help, if that doesn’t work get out or your going to go through hell.

I am a woman who has a high libido. My partner does as well, but not like mine. I want it all the time, and when I get it, I feel great in terms of confidence, my day, and life.

Yet, I wish I could be “hard to get.” I can’t figure out what to do about this. I want to be the girl who is high sex driven and fun, but my partner wants me to be coy and subtle. How do you just turn it off? It seems no one knows the answer.

Yet, I wanted to give my opinion to the men. As a woman, it may sound crazy for a man to reject me over and over. In my mind, it would mean that they did not care about my feelings and needs. For those men out there who say that their wives and gfs could care less about sex, that is not ok, in my opinion. I am not saying to leave them (yet), but I do think you deserve to have a conversation about meeting somewhere near the middle.

You should have a healthy sex life, which means sex sometimes. Not never. Those women who don’t want to have sex when their men want to, they should realize they are in a relationship, not your in a relationship with her.

AIMEE, You sound like the perfect woman. You should be thankful for your above average sex drive, enjoy it !! almost all men want a pretty, slim and horney woman for a partner. Nature intended for men and women to want sex, it builds a fine marriage. Think about wives who have no sex drive, many times the marriage is over !! One of my friends, a woman 59 years old and very pretty with a fine body, told me that she has a much stronger sex drive than when she was 20. She has always stayed in shape with visits to the gym at least 4 times a week. She adores sex and it keeps her healthy.

I wish I had a girl like you, who would have sex with me and not with my mind, playing “hard to get”. If he wants coy and subtle woman then he should find such a woman, and you should find a man who would appreciate fun and high sex driven girl. Don’t change, find a match.

Just knowing I’m not the only one suffering, has made me feel a little better.
I’ve got a really wonderful man for a husband and we’ve been married for
over 3yrs now. We had a great sex life the first year of our marriage, making
love like every other day or even twice a day. At the end of the first year I found I was pregnant which we both were excited about and then suddenly the sexual coldness started creeping in. We would manage to have sex once in a month. It was a bit worrying for me but when I talked to him about it he just explained to me that he sees
nd loves me in a different way as I’m pregnant. It didn’t sound too good to me but I tried to be understanding all the same.

Fast forward to after our son’s birth and things moved from bad to worse. I have
tried everything from working on my post baby body to sexy lingeries to romantic
evenings to sharing my feeling with him severally but none of that has worked. I literally beg for sex most times of which I’m turned down. Not that he’s tired from work or anything hes just always nt in the mood, no matter how sexy im looking (or think I’m looking). I’m lucky if we have sex once in 3-4mnths initiated by me with lots of plea of course and this is affecting my self esteem.

I really really love my husband and I know he loves me too. He’s a wonderful husband and father in every aspect and God forbid that I cheat on him, but this continued
unfulfilled sexual need is turning me into an emotional wreck. I’m tired of feeling
rejected hurt and crying myself to sleep. I just want to quench this sex drive and be on
the same frequency with my husband at least that way we will both be happy (hopefully). Any help???

I want it all the time but my boyfriend almost seems to not want me at all I’ve done everything I could to get him to notice me I feel so worthless I’m tired of begging an getting mad about it wish I could stop thinking about sex cause I’m just not wanted anymore

You may tell your husband to masturbate as earlier when you don’t feel like having it.

My husband has dealt with chronic testicular pain since the onset of puberty. The only thing he’s found that consistently provides relief is ejaculation, so during his teens, he masturbated regularly (nightly). As an adult, once he married (the first time), he felt he’d be ok.. but she wasn’t interested in being a consistent sexual partner and they divorced after 27 years (7 of which were a solid dry spell due to her unwillingness).

We married about 9 months after his divorce. It’s been hard for me. I so often feel like a piece of meat for his pain relief… instead of a wife. We don’t “make love”.. it’s sex (or worse). So now I’m following in her footsteps because I don’t like sex being a chore.


If your husband needs to ejaculate for therapeutic reasons, he should go back to masturbating more often. Your sexual desire needs to be respected here. He is treating you like a receptacle and that’s unacceptable. And it sounds like you’re very reasonable and not withholding from him… But if he needs to do it every single day, that’s just too much for some women and he needs to understand that, and take care of his own issues himself, not foist them on you.

I am fed up with my sex drive and have always felt I’d be more productive if I could just switch it off. I am determined to find a way! I do have kids and a wife, but she could care less about sex. It is so destructive to have this constant nagging, similar to an an insatiable hunger.

I thought I was a freak until I found this article, I have been struggling with the same thing. Married to a wonderful lady for more than ten years and we haven’t been intimate with each other for nearly a year. It is normal these days for us to go for six to eight months without making love. I feel like a caged animal stuck in place in my life where my libido has become my worst enemy. I feel trapped as if I have been forced into a vow of chastity, I truly love my wife but I hate that she doesn’t seem to care that I have needs. She seems unable to comprehend that when a healthy person has a strong libido and they are not given an outlet it becomes physically and psychologically unbearable. Having read everyone’s comments, I feel a little better knowing I am not the only one suffering. If a chemist or doctor ever creates a drug that can reduce sex drive, that person will become rich from selling it.

I went thru the same situation that many of you are going through now. I tried everything to increase her libido but nothing seemed to work. I felt rejected and with a lot of resentment. I know my wife loves me and the family. to make my long story short, I read the book “No More Mr. Nice Guy” and I put into practice one of the many ideas on the book: I joined a gym. I am already fit with a ht of 6’0″ and wt 195 lbs. I would go to the gym after work from mon to thurs. It helped me recovered my confidence and I get to meet beautiful girls at the gym. However, I never cheated on my wife. My wife grew very concerned because I was “turning cold” with her; thinking that I was seeing another woman. That was the cure for her frigid sexual approach. I had to quit the gym because she begged me to and the implied promise was more sex in bed. It worked for me. Sometimes our partners think that we are their possessions they cannot or would never lose. Sometimes its a wake up call when we let them know that we can no more be their nice guy/gal.

I love my wife and I’m very attracted to her. And, she knows it. I am a 38 year old good looking, hardworking and loyal male. I also have an insane libido. She doesn’t. The constant rejection of my approaches is slowly killing me. But God forbid I reject her when she wants it (twice a year). I wish I had no libido or didn’t care, I could easily do twice or more a day, I’m sick of porn and I don’t want to cheat. We have a lovely child together and if it wasn’t for that I think I would leave her. We used to have a great sex life and one day it just gradually stopped, then only focusing on me, then nothing.

I’m a young guy, who married young, to a young girl. I just wanted to throw my experience out there too. My whole life, for some reason, I have had the thought stuck in my head that I was going to be a great lover, and I did everything I could to ensure success. I vowed to never be the guy that couldn’t satisfy his wife. I won’t go into details. I waited for the right girl, and I was lucky enough to find her. She has always been my one and only. At first, she was scared of sex. Her parents never talked to her about it, and she really didn’t know much. She is so sweet and innocent. So we took everything extremely slow. When we made love for the first time, she told me afterwards that she did it because she felt like it’s what I wanted, which made me really sad, because I wanted it to be what WE wanted. After that, we didn’t really try again until after marriage. After we were first married, we had sex about twice a week max. That lasted about 2 months. We started making love less and less, and she always has more and more excuses when I push it or try anything. I haven’t made love to my wife since before Christmas (Posted 1/16). I have told her about how low it makes my self esteem. I have talked to her about my desires. It’s not that she doesn’t care, it’s just that she doesn’t change. We do want children, and she does enjoy sex (because I am freaking great at it humility aside), but whenever I press it, her excuse is that she just doesn’t have a sex drive. Now I am to the point where I feel guilty for my own desires, and I really hate myself, and my wants. Which I know is unhealthy, but I really can’t help it. I am on antidepressants(because I need them, not just for this situation), and really anything else I managed to find to lower my sex drive, but it’s just not enough. I love my wife. I crave her physical contact in every way. Instinctually I am at the age where I am supposed to mate, and I just can’t shut off that instinct no matter what I try, and I don’t know how to turn her instinct on. Could there be something medically wrong? What should I do? How can I cope with my sex drive without hurting her or pressuring her in anyway? I just want to take care of my princess, and my ‘man-parts’ just keep getting in the way.

I take Testosterone because my level is low, and it makes me feel so much better. More energy, strength and it helps take away belly fat. But is also raises my libido.

My wife has almost zero interest in sex and could care less what I feel like. I don’t want to quit the Testosterone, but waking up with an erection and a wife that just ignores it is a man’s worst nightmare.


Does anyone actually have an answer to this question? What actually works?!

I’m a man who has been with my wife for almost 20 years, and for the first half of that we had an amazing sex life. I’d say for the past 5 or so years her sex drive has diminished greatly, while I’d stop and have sex with her any time, regardless of how “tired” or sick I actually was. My sex drive vs. her lack of one has been at the root of a lot of issues, including my making her feel terrible for not wanting it more, my abuse of alcohol, and major depression for me. I’m over the alcohol part, and have just learned that we are not having sex unless SHE initiates it. She gets upset if I even verbalize it now.

I love her with all of my heart, and even though both of us have grown “less attractive” over time I’m still as attracted to her as I ever have been, and her lack of wanting me is horrible enough without also having to endure the emotional distress, and physical distress of not getting to have sex with her. When we do have sex I rarely feel as if she actually wants it – feels mostly like an act of pity.

Sooooo. I need something to reduce my sex drive. I’ve even looked into chemical castration, but with my luck when she actually wanted sex I’d not be able to, and I’m assuming that’d create it’s own set of horrible issues because for 20 years I have not ever, not even once denied her sex IF she approached me for it. Never. I don’t think she has any idea of how horrible it feels to constantly yearn for physical contact in kissing, oral sex, and actual sex for the one person you love, and be denied so frequently. I have no desire to cheat either. I want my wife. Masturbating does nothing to curb it, as it’s not the ejaculation that “does it” for me.

So does anyone have an actual suggestion? I’m on my way right to buy some herbs that are “supposed” to curb the sex drive. I’ll be happy to report my findings, but I have a feeling they will not work.

– Anon Nymous

I’ve been taking 2 400mg capsules, twice a day (1600mg total a day) of VITEX for almost 4 months. It hasn’t done a thing. I told my endocrinologist just the other week that I had finally decided to go through with chemical castration after considering it for 10 months.

She informed me that I would need to see a urologist for that. I’ve been seeing a shrink for about 9 months to help me deal with the total lack of libibo that my wife has been experiencing since her hysterectomy 8 years ago. 12 times in 8 years just isn’t enough. (You need to have sought psychiatric help for at least 3 months before chemical castration).

I’ve always been faithful to her. I married her in sickness and in health. She can’t help it that she needed the hysterectomy. Understanding the serious possible side effects of chemical castration, I’m ready. That’s all I have to say about that.

This thread is a life saver. I never knew that so many other people are going through the same thing. I’m 46 and today is our 16th anniversary. I’m writing this while my man is next to me asleep and I’ve just wet the pillow with my silent tears. His libido is SO much lower than mine, it has pretty much always been an issue. In the beginning I thought it was due to him being quite shy sexually and having been abused. I thought time would help him out of his shell. But unfortunately, that didn’t prove to be the case.

He is the most lovely, caring, gorgeous human being, and I love him with all of my heart. Thus I’m still with him even though his lack of libido is slowly killing me. Until this relationship I never knew what ‘Blue Balls’ were. And, yes, we girls sure can get them, too. Debilitating cramps and aches that last for hours. If unlucky, I will still have them in the morning waking up. And you can guess how that sets you up for the day….. Don’t get me wrong, he loves me and finds me very attractive and tells me many times a day. But nearly every sexual encounter has to be initiated by me and if I don’t, it could be many months before he’d make a move. I’m bisexual, up for anything and would do anything you could think of, which for the majority of guys would be a dream come true. But my lovely lad just doesn’t have the libido and generally is very vanilla. Thus I’ve had to scale down my libido and expectations to try and match his, hoping that my desire would slowly wither. No luck on that department. The only thing withering is my spirit – though also a victim of abuse, I always felt sure in my sexuality, vivacious and desirable. Now I feel a mere shadow of my former self, a sad spectre, hoping for a physical connection once in a blue moon. This has led to quite a bit of self-loathing and my inner demons are whispering the same old mantras they used to when a teenager – you are fat/ugly/undesirable, if you were truly sexy he would desire you, you have failed as a woman. And I know I’m ok, have plenty of other admirers, who’d jump at the chance. Even though I have the liberty to go ‘somewhere else’, I’m not interested as I want only him. And now – with all my low self esteem – I wouldn’t have the confidence anymore. Also can’t do the one night stand thing, as for me there has to be love involved. Catch 22.

Don’t know how to resolve this – have tried to get him medical help (one thing didn’t work and he gave up) and have also asked two doctors for meds to kill my sex drive. Neither of them really took it seriously and I felt embarrassed and humiliated. On the verge of tears nearly begging them to stop my sex urge. Not a good experience. Thus I’ve become quite depressed at times, something that was never the case before. I loathe it all so much. Hate that I’ve come to loathe my sex drive and hate my need for his love, which binds me to this relationship. Hate myself for being too weak to leave him, as both our love is so strong. Hate that he somehow doesn’t see the need to change things, fulfill me, make our sex life great (I’d settle for average). Just don’t know what to do.

To the outside world I’m this strong, gorgeous woman in this fabulous relationship and 99.9% of people would be mortified to know the truth. I have tried talking to friends, but it’s really hard to confide this issue, especially when you then realize everyone else is getting plenty.
A pretty good way to describe things – living with a gourmet cook but only getting peanut butter sandwiches, and starving at that. At times I hate him for being so apathetic about it and letting me suffer. Also hate that I’ve learned to cry silently and that tears will appear at random times. Learnt to hide my misery to the outside world as otherwise even more pathetic.

So grateful to have found this site – thank you all for listening to my ravings, tonight this has saved my sanity and hopefully now I can actually fall asleep in a little less pain.
My thoughts go out to you all, my fellow suffers of denied sensuality.

My heart cries out for you. You and your partners need to go for counseling. to keep these sort of things buried is what destroys relationships in the end. Communication is the only way forward . A marriage is worth fighting for and both parties must fight for it. When each of us got married we swore an oath of love and commitment for better or worse and our partners as well…. look I could write pages here but it boils down to this: love is not that feeling of butterflies… love is a verb, an action, a choice, a commitment. For a marriage to work both sides need to give 100% you have been giving that 100% and more! Now your partners need to shown that they need to come to the table and work side by side with you to get through this. I would say that if you showed them what you feel and what you have written it would open their eyes. I know I would do anything for my wife if she showed me something like this. It’s not about right or wrong or who is the bad one or the broken one. It’s about actively working together to work through this period. If there is psychological trauma I really suggest therapy to work through it (Not just drugs to numb it) if BOTH sides work with the idea of what can I do to make my partner happy, a stronger healthier marriage will emerge. I will keep all of you in my prayers as I ask that you do for me as my wife and I struggle through a similar situation.

I also feel that your loyalty toward your husband is very admirable. Your story touches me deeply as I identify somewhat with your husbands position, although I am not in partnership. I do feel though, that in a truly aligned partnership, a man and woman would do well to dynamize each other in many ways, including sexually. This has the potential to create a really beautiful energy that can be infused into nature in a sacred way. I personally feel that sexual issues/distortions need to be addressed individually and unfortunately is very common in our modern society that is so divorced from natural functioning. This includes shame, frigidity and fixations, which I guess are extremes of the spectrum. What I’m saying is, you don’t see birds addicted to pornography, do you? So I feel that for most people, guys especially, we need to cool down our balls and do a bit of introspection of the real purpose of sexuality and how we get sidetracked/programmed in an artificial way. Thus I find my way to this website. I’m already a vegetarian, but my other take-home points are soy and chaste berry :D Best wishes to you and yours.

I fully understand your circumstance. I’m in the same sort of relationship. Married for many years with a fantastic beautiful lady.
I have a very strong libido and don’t want to reduce it but it is causing issues in our relationship.
I totally understand the frustration and as a male can make me very irritable and cranky with everyone.
I would love to swap our circumstances, as a female with a healthy sex drive is very attractive.
I total understand the ‘hating yourself for being too weak to leave’, it’s how I feel.
I love my wife just wish the physical love was equal to the emotional side.
Keep battling, you’re not alone, it does help to talk about it as keeping it inside with drive you insane.

I really appreciate this article. When I was reading it I had to make sure there were no cameras in the room because I feel the exact same way, no to mention that the same thing is going on with me. Thank you so much!

Wow you hit the nail right on the head my wife is the same way as your husband I found this site because I was looking for ways to kill my sex drive. I’m so depressed from the constant rejection I wish I had no desire for sex at all I wish I had words of encouragement but its all I can do to just not jump off a bridge

I wonder if this comment is fake. I’ve been reading articles everywhere looking for safe ways to stop wanting sex, and I invariably run into these comments from “women” who claim that they can’t get their man to have sex with them. I just don’t buy it. I’d have sex with my wife any time, any place, any position, any screwed up fetish she wants. She won’t even let me touch her tits. She orgasms just about every time I do manage to pry her legs apart, but apparently, that doesn’t generate future desire.

The idea that there are ‘men’ out there who won’t get it on is simply unimaginable. No offense, but I think that these posts are ghostwritten by people at Ashley Madison, etc. to try to convince guys like me that there is hope out there in the land of infidelity.

I’ve been watching my wife become less and less interested in sex year after year. She assures me it is natural, and that it is my fault. I’m an attractive, healthy man. I’m a self-employed professional that does fairly well and I dare say that I provide a lifestyle that a lot of women would be happy to have. None of this matters.

I wish there was an anti-viagra. A pill that just made me not sexual at all. If cutting your balls off was reversible, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Is there any real hope for us married to frigid shrews?

I don’t know how to help you, but just wanted to say that I am very sympathetic towards what you are going through. I do not think you are weak because of not leaving him. Your loyalty is admirable.

This is a great site. So glad I found it. Nice to know your not alone

I need help too. I just want a way of kill or lowering my libido. I don’t want to loose my wife because she cannot keep up with my high level of sex drive. Please help.

All I can say is NEVER GET MARRIED! I wrecked my life by marrying.
I’m in my 30s & he’s 40. I laugh at people here complaining about only a few times a week or monthly. I’d love to get laid that often!
I’m lucky if I get once a year, after begging of course. I’ve told him since he can’t man up and do his job, I’m going to find it elsewhere. He’s left me no choice. I see the only way to kill libido is with antidepressants. I can’t take them, they make me looney (as I don’t need them, but I have tried them).
I’d love to know of something I could take to make me hate sex like normal people. Don’t ruin someone’s life by lying to them pretending to like sex when you actually hate it, then wonder why they cheat on you.

This is very similar to my problem. Only one child. In my forties involved in a very loving relationship with a man I would like to spend the rest of my life with. He is on a long list of medication that kills his sex drive. Mine is through the roof. I would be happy if I could make love with him twice a day and am lucky if I can convince him twice a month. I am trying not to get hurt, but I need some help.

I see your post was 5 years ago, what was the answer in the end?

I must say after reading all of you comments, it’s nice to know that you are sharing your frustrations and trying to find answers. I’m not married, but have a sex drive when I am not on antidepressants.
To be honest, I could see myself living with a person whom I loved for the rest of my life, but as for sex, I think it would get old fast. I’m not sure that I understand, the wanting to have sex with the same person every time. Though that is my belief system, I don’t believe on cheating. I just think I would get to a point where it was old.
I haven’t read all of the postings, but it maybe that you need to start to communicate better with one another. For those with low sex drives, you my have low hormones, or maybe you are depressed, or have another thing going on, anxiety, too much going on, constantly worrying, you may not feel sexy any more, there is a whole host of things that can make your sex drive low, even the medications you take.
Those with high sex drives, I don’t know what to tell you, I mean antidepressant can surely put a damper on your sex drive, but I am not really into using meds, for something like that unless it was a last resort.
It seems to me, that both parties need to communicate more, what there needs are, and why they don’t feel they want sex. I would definitely look for a good sex therapist, to maybe help you find some areas that maybe causing you a problem, and I would also see about going to a specialist doctor, probably an endocronologist and having your hormones checked. Maybe something is out of balance. I believe using hormones to bring things into balance should be taken with serious consideration, as hormones can cause problems. But if you need them you need them. I have to take them because my body isn’t making as much as I am supposed to have. Please don’t give up on your relationships, without first doing some detective work and seeing deep into what might be going on. Each of us have different needs, and you may just have to do a little more give and take on each side. I wish you all the best. I hope that we can all find a solution to our issue.

I’ve been married now for 5 years and after 2 children my loving wife’s sex drive has dropped, where mine has always been very high. I was wondering is there any way to lower a mans sex drive, if so what??

Definitely feel better reading your posts. I was told guys only want one thing as a kid but can’t seem to find guys that do. I would love to have sex 3 or 4 times a day and could be good with 2 but I am in a relationship where once every 3 days is what I get. I started to watch gay guy porn just to help entertain me but I need the real thing. I love my boyfriend but he always tired from work and I get lonely at night when he’s asleep.

I want to say that my lover left me in April. During one long month I have contacted many casters and bought almost ten spells without results. My ex wouldn’t contact me, wouldn’t answer my calls and emails. But I never lost hope because I knew we were soul mates. Dr. Abu cast the most wonderful spell for me 2 weeks ago and everything has changed since then. We are close to each other again and he is calling me many times everyday. Thank you Dr. Abu of, your help is very appreciated! I will keep in touch.

It sounds like a physical issue. I suggest that she makes a doctors appointment and find out what the problem is. I will be praying for both of you.

I have been married for 12 years and for the first 5 years our sex life was great. We struggled to have our first (and only) child and once she was born our intimate contact generally got worse and worse. Then after a family issue I can honestly say I have not had real sex with my wife for the best part of 2 years.
I am dedicated to my lady and have to bash myself over the raft of muchly appreciated sites out there, its just a shame that sex cannot be taken out of the relationship as I would love to meet a lady who is equally as committed to her partner but just has the same drive I do and keep my wife but sadly I am destined for sexless marriage. I am slowly going mad, have searched pretty much every bit of smut out there and think I have seen it all now to the point where I think I have to have the real thing.
I think it will end up with me going crazy or ending my marriage as the feeling of frustration to me is like being in a nice car but having no petrol to drive so I’m stuck in the seat and cannot do anything else. I waste so much time on adult sites to.. messed up 37 year old :-(

To me romance is…
When you notice that I’m pretty. So when we are getting ready to go out, you mention how good I look (not how good you look… ). Say you like her legs, her eyes, her hair looks good today. She has a nice neck, nose, skin, you love her voice, she smells good and you can’t get enough of it. Say anything that shows you noticed how attractive she is. You only need to say one or two of those things a day. Say something that indicates that you see her and she looks good.
Do not say you think other women are attractive, do not be looking at other women when your woman is on your arm or out with you. Don’t be crass. Don’t criticize other women. Be nice.
Touch her the way she wants to be touched, not like petting a dog. Don’t scratch her with a jagged nail. Her skin is soft and delicate and needs to be treated softly and tell her you like her soft skin and how she smells. Bring her a glass of wine or champagne. Touch her gently and hopefully at some point she will tell you she likes how you touch her, and then keep touching her that way. Maybe offer to give her a back massage. Wait for it and she will hopefully smile gently and you will know that’s a good way. If you pet her like a dog/cat or don’t touch her in a way that she likes, she will avoid being touched. Really listen to her gentle messages.
If she doesn’t give you gentle messages, ask her to tell you what she likes. You try something and she doesn’t have to say stop (because she won’t want to criticize you), but ask her to let you know with a smile or a sound that lets you know when you are touching her in a good way.
At some point, women also like you to get more physical and strong… but the romance part starts the first moment you see her in a day. Say something about what’s pretty about her.
Every time you tell her something about her is pretty/attractive to you (if you do that even once a day), she will begin to know that in your opinion, she is the one who does it for you.
Just being ready may make her feel like you could be looking at a magazine or a stranger. Having only eyes for her and saying it can help…
I’m one of the people on this discussion who was told, ‘just tell me when you are interested…’ and most important when we go out, is how good he looks. Never a compliment to me unless I ask how I look. That’s not romantic.
Just sharing with you what I wish I could hear every day. Just one comment when leaving the house or when I get home would be so romantic! I hope this helps you and your loving wife.

Been interesting and comforting to know there are many out there, men and women, in same sort of predicament. My wife and I have had several amicable and positive discussions about the minimal sexual relations in last 10 yrs of our 30+ year marriage. Her lack of interest but preparedness to satisfy me is appreciated and reassuring, and I think shows that our relationship is solid on love if not sex.
But when we do get start to get intimate, I can’t get my brain past the ‘she’s not REALLY interested’ frame of mind and that gets in the way, for me at least. It’s not a matter of rejection or lack of desire on my part – I just don’t want to do things to her when, by my perception at least, she’s not really interested. And I definitely don’t want to hurt her, physically or emotionally.
A recent discussion brought out that there needs to be more ‘romance’ involved. I’m a guy – what does romance really mean? In the movies it usually means the stars end up in bed! Any women out there with any [polite] definitions / suggestions / recommendations? For many years the standing joke between us was….. He’s breathing – He’s ready for sex !!. In many ways that is still true – but maybe getting older (mid 50’s) is the problem…. maybe we start to think too much? Thinking things like… Is this what she wants? What does she want? Am I being anything like romantic?
Comments and suggestions welcome and appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to read this mini-novel.
(Yes – mid 50’s – and still breathing and still….)

I’m in the same situation, and it hurts so bad when my husband rejects me which is most of the time. And on the “special” occasion when we do have sex, he doesn’t satisfy me because he only last for about 5min.
He used to practise self restraint but now he only cares about his satisfaction. I have talked to him about this but it always ends in an argument.
He doesn’t touch me or kiss me during that 5min. I must just sit on him or he will lay behind my back and do what needs to be done. If he does touch me he squeezes my breast and gives me a kiss then he enters me and everything is over.
I end up crying everytime. To the outside world he is the charmer of ladies, flirts, but when it comes to sex with me then its always an issue.
I rather want to supress my sexual desire than be so unhappy.

Go to a professional counselor or a member of the clergy to all of those who are having problems including unhappyman. Seek advice now.

I don’t know what to do any more. I have a very high sex drive. I could do it 3 times a day or more.
My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and live together. At first things were good…we had sex about 3 times or more a week. Now he doesn’t want it at all or at least not with me.
I have tried to talk to him about what is going on and why. He tells me he doesn’t crave sex, he doesn’t like doing “it” during the day time, he says he is tired, he even will fall asleep while I am stroking his cock and he is hard (or maybe he is just pretending so he doesn’t have to have sex with me).
Yet, I have found out he is surfing porn and jacking off every time he is home alone. I don’t understand. I have bought sexy nighties, suggested watching porn together, I tell him daily how handsome and sexy he is and yet nothing.
I am 51 and look pretty good for my age. I stay fit at 115 pounds and I’m 5 ft 2 in. I don’t want my sex drive any more. It hurts too much to be rejected and turned down time and time again. There has to be something to turn a woman’s sex drive off.

Did any of you find a product to help? This is a problem I am also having. I will not give any details. But really need help. And dose it help from feeling so very depressed?

CD and JRH (re your comments fr June of last year) I read hundreds of these and CD yours looks like a carbon copy of my predicament. I’m also amazed at how many women have posted and how similar their stories are to the men’s. it’s oddly comforting.
That said, may we all find resolution. I refuse to believe its a sin or social malady to have a high sex drive. The issue is compatability. Unfortunately, when there are children, wonderful children involved, your life isn’t so much about you anymore.
CD, you said your wife’s libido dropped like Facebook stock (thought we all could use some humour) when she started taking anti anxiety medication. It seems to me you have all our answer.
Start taking it. Moreover, tell us all what it is! It seems we are all sick of dealing with a common issue, love our SOs and just want it (libido) to go away. I don’t care about side effects.

I understand your frustration I have the same problem. I to wish there was some kind of magic pill to shut off my sex drive.

I typed in libido suppresent and I came across this site. My husband and I have been together for over 16 years. I’m only 34 he’s a few years older and we have 2 kids; but I’m the one who wants to have sex MORE.
I love him he really is a great guy but sex once every two-3 months is so frustrating to me. I would prefer 2-3 a week.
What I dot understand is that I initiate over 95% of the time and I’m rejected 94.5% of the time.
I try not to ask but it’s so hard to just keep my drive to myself. I want the intamacy it’s not just te sexual act. Sometimes I just cry myself to sleep feeling so rejected- that’s the hardest part.
He says he loves me I tell him I have needs and I just feel insignificant in his life. On his priority list I don’t even think I make it on the list.
I honestly feel like I’m going to burst.
I work and am busy with the kids and I still express interest. The saddest thing is I can’t even get him to sleep with me he usually “falls” asleep on the couch- which is ironic bc when he did sleep in the bed all I ever wanted was him to touch in some sort of way then I became so resentful and it was hard to just lay there with him I wished he would sleep on the couch. Now I’m just behind lonely.
But since I will never step out in him this is what I have to look forward too i wih I could just take a pill to make me not interested in him.

This is crazy read your post. You are a female of thirty five and I am a male of 35 however our sex lives are identical in the frustration department.

I am a 21 year old female and swear I have a male libido.
Most guys would find that attractive but of course I had to fall madly in love with a guy who has a low limbido. Every time I go to him and try to let him know I’m in the mood he pushes me away or groans like “not again!”
I feel like I’m annoying him constantly! I also can’t help but feel like I’m unattractive or unwanted. We get into fights frequently because of it and I feel like I’m the cause of it even though I can’t help it!
I get so frusterated at him and at myself. I just wish my sex drive was gone! I don’t want to depend on pills but heard sodas and licorice lower sex drive.
I’m cramming in as much of that as I can but is there Anything else???
Please help~ashley
Please do NOT overdose on licorice and soda! Although it is true that licorice can lower libido by affecting hormone levels, it can affect the body in many other ways. Too much natural licorice can lead serious side effects. This comes from the entry in our Herb Library under Licorice:
Adverse Effects of Licorice:
• High blood pressure
• Low levels of potassium
• Fluid retention and swelling of the face and limbs
• Hormonal imbalance, and muscle destruction leading to pain and weakness
A woman ate too much licorice candy lost a great deal of potassium; her heart stopped.
Licorice can also change heart rhythms, prolonging QT and PR intervals on an electrocardiogram.
Lethargy and fatigue as well as weakness are part of the picture of licorice toxicity.
Many of the negative symptoms associated with licorice are due to its ability to inhibit the renin-angiotensin system. Elderly people in particular are susceptible to kidney problems as a consequence of licorice.
Paralysis of the legs (and in one case, of all of the limbs) has been reported. A sixty-four-year-old man developed pulmonary edema, signaled by fatigue and trouble breathing, after eating four packages of black Twizzlers licorice candy in three days. This case demonstrates how quickly a serious reaction can arise.
Licorice can reduce thyroid gland activity and lower the basal metabolic rate.
As for too much soda, the impact on your weight and metabolism are well established.
We hope you can encourage your partner to engage in couples counseling. That would be a far healthier way to deal with the frustration you are going through. Sex counseling might also be beneficial.

I always think there is a reason for everything. I was married for 20 years. Raised by a mom who said sex is fun and both parents seemed to enjoy sex and find each other sexy. My husband and I had a good physical relationship. Frequency was a couple of times a week. Have to admit there was a lot of partying (alcohol), that could have caused us to be more casual with each other. Too much alcohol caused a divorce.
So, then I dated a lot of men. Not tons, but you know, a few here and there over the years that I was divorced. EVERY serious relationship included good sex. Some better than others. Some had issues, but nothing that stopped the sex…
Then I met a man who I have now been living with for almost 10 years. I noticed early on that he didn’t initiate much. He did at first, but then we would go away for a weekend of fun and … nothing! hmmm. So I asked him about it. He said I should just let him know when ever I wanted sex. Are you kidding? That means he never wanted it? Well.. that is off balance for me.
While most everything else is good in our relationship, he never tells me I am pretty (unlike all the other men I’ve known). When we get ready to go out, all dolled up, he asks me how good he looks! I’ve joked with him and talked with him seriously and a few years in (perhaps I said something that he will never get over, but I don’t know that… he just doesn’t talk about it). We started sleeping separately. He gained weight but is still super handsome and he complained of severe back pains the morning after sex and after sleeping in bed with me.
I’ve given up. I don’t feel attractive. I have no interest in having sex with someone who doesn’t find me attractive and with the added weight, he crushes me when he is on top. So, we no longer have sex. I miss it, but I am unwilling to work on something when the other person is not willing to work on it too. That just seems hopeless to me.
It is unfortunate, but reading this site, I can see there are probably many, many small reasons we don’t have sex. Could be the balance of power in the relationship. Could be that we never drink, so we never get silly. Could be the weight. Could be that I don’t touch him in the right way. He pets me hard like you would tussle with a big dog. Never gentle. Could be childhood messages that he did or didn’t get from his parents. His ex-wife left him because she had sex with someone else. I frankly can’t blame her, but I would never cheat on him, because he is good to me in so many other ways.
Could be so many things. It’s OK. We have a nice life, 24 hours a day, he is kind to me. I appreciate hearing from everyone on this site, that so many others are facing the same situation as I am. In this puzzle I think we should all be open to the possibilities that it could be something so difficult to say, or if said, hurts the other person so deeply. Sometimes, things don’t fit right, don’t feel right, there are deep childhood messages that might be too overwhelming to tackle.
Thank you all for sharing.

Tony, you are lucky, you have youth on your side – run while you still can. I am forty four and have fifteen years invested in my relationship. Some great years and then some very hard ones. I feel like I can’t give up now but you can. You can get a life with someone who fulfills you in every way. I wish you all the best.

I’m so glad I found this site. I truely thought something was wrong with me. I have a very high sex drive I always have and wish I didn’t. My boyfreind doesn’t seem to have any intrest in sex at all. I feel rejected, unattractive, and “broken”.
My boyfreind actually made a comment the other day that I should have been a boy with the sex drive I have. Ouch that hurt.
I’m to the point that I cry most of the time I don’t sleep very much. This is tearing me apart. I love him very much and I know he loves me but, I’m beginning to think I can’t live like this. Is there really medication that can lower a person’s sex drive?

This is unreal that so many people are going through what I’m going through. I can tell you the day our sex life took an immediate dive. 6 years ago my wife fell on some ice after work and hurt her hip. She went to the doctor the next day and he prescribed her narcotic percocet pain pills. She got addicted to them unfortunately and ever since she has had zero sex drive.
I have sat down and talked with her about this several times but it goes nowhere. Im to the point that divorce seems inevitable. I would be happy with 2-3 times per week but lucky to get sex once a month and thats only after im so pissed off about it shes just does it to shut me up.
After that long she will still have the nerve to roll over in the bed and tell me to hurry the F up and get this over with. Im so sick of this I cant explain my frustration. I’ve read alot of the above post and can totally relate to how you just yern for your wife to desire you and want you, but that has been so long for me that I dont remember how it feels.
I know that if a woman showed me the passion and desire I yearn for that my wife will be getting left real quick. It troubles me to say that, but I can only take so much.
Cannot believe I found this forum from goggle searching for something that would lower my sex drive. Obviously looks like nobody actually knows anything for that though. I was hoping to find something I could pick up at the local pharmacy or vitamin store. Not looking to go to the doctor and get prescibed some bs that screws me up in every other way than what im lookin for. I wish everyone luck with this problem.

I’m sorry to hear about your situation. I know exactly how you feel, and it’s not only just the sex, it’s everything that goes along with it. It’s the craving of wanting to hold her in my arms every night, of wanting her to just lay on my chest and rub my body, of wanting to be wrapped up in each other.
My wife and I have sex every now and then when it gets to the point where I am completely and utterly frustrated, but that is just not the same. You still miss the feeling of being wanted and needed by your partner. When we do have sex, it’s just an awkward all around situation. I know she is doing it just because I am totally frustrated–so my head doesn’t explode. That’s not the same as having someone want you and need you, and it hurts every day. And it just grows worse and worse, even to the point now that I am NOT interested in having sex with her because it is so awkward and uncomfortable and cold, and I know she’s doing it just so I am NOT totally frustrated, not because my wife truly craves me.
I feel your pain, and yes, I really wish there was something I could do to not think about this. But you’re right: why should I change? Why is it wrong for me to want to have an incredible intimate life with my wife? To want to hold and be with her all the time? We don’t have to have sex every night, but I would love for her to lay in my arms and be attracted to me. I want her to truly want me.

Hey everyone, I’m glad I’m not the only one with this problem, though I wish none of us had it. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years and for the most part our relationship is really great. He is very considerate and affectionate in general but for the last year his sex drive has been about zero. We’ve had sex fewer times this year than I can count on both hands.
When we first got together we couldn’t get out of bed. Then at the beginning of the year he was going through some personal problems and we didn’t have sex for over five months. At first I was understanding and didn’t even bring it up for three months. I finally said something and he said it was just because he was severely stressed. He said that he couldn’t even get aroused anymore at all and if it continued to be the case he would go see a doctor.
Now he is physically capable of…ahem ” parking the car in the garage” but he still has very very little interest. I try talking with him about it and he just gets hostile or blows me off. I’ve tried every trick in the book; surprising him with little outfits, sending dirty pictures, taking sexy showers, and most of the time I’m rejected or I can tell he’s just doing it to make me happy. I know we won’t go back to twice a day but I wish I could get once a week. I understand not always being in the mood, but if roles were reversed I would get myself in the mood for him. In fact, even when we do have sex we do all of his favorite positions because I figure its the “least I could do”. I can’t remember the last time I was on top.
Last night we watched “Take This Waltz” and the couple in it has the same problem. She said to him at one point “it takes all of my courage to seduce you and you’re teaching me not to be brave.” I’ve been crying on and off for a day straight because I have said that exact thing to my boyfriend. I don’t understand how to make him understand how it makes me feel when he turns me down and how by him not initiating anything ever, I feel rejected again. It’s getting worse and it’s starting to put strain on our relationship. I find myself being suspicious of him all of the time because I convince myself he’s cheating on me or that he doesn’t love me and just doesn’t know how to tell me, though he swears neither of those things are true.
I don’t want pills and frankly it bothers me that I’M the one who has to change when I don’t feel like I’m the problem. I’m hoping there’s an exercise or an herb or something that would help.

As seen, it is an important problem for many people. It would be great to find a safe medication to solve it.

isnt it absolutly miserable!! you and i are rowing the same boat my friend. im at a total loss, and it makes me crazy! i replied to your comment, just due to the fact that talking to someone, anyone, about this will maybe pass the time away so i wont think about it.

I’m 19 year old and I’m virgin. I’ve no boyfriend, I think I not ready to have sex because I can trust no one. The guys in my country are vulgar. They like to tell their friends after have sex with girl and take it as a joke.
That makes me feel very bad but I can’t stop my horny. I don’t know what to do now. Can anybody give me an advice? I tried hard to find the way to stop it, go to gym, Masturbate, read some books but I can’t stop it as well.
PS. sorry if there’re inappropriate words.

You could talk to your physician and see if they have anything for you I am a male with same problem with sex. The only thing I have found so far for me to try is the vitex/chasteberry they say it is good for males at least and so far since taking it I have found my sex drive reduced a little but not very much yet. I am sorry about it driving you nuts. I have gotten used to the rejections and mainly just depresssed.

I have been married for eleven years and am very much in love with my husband. He is no longer interested in me.
It is really strange I believe he loves me with all his heart and me vice versa but sex or satisfying my specials needs are not important. He has problems with erection and states that the drugs for this condition are just to expensive, but he spends money on what he wants to spend money on.
I guess since he does not need or want sex any more that that is not a priority to spend money on erection drugs since it seems to be only my problem he doesn’t care.
I want and need sex and just need attention. Is there a drug to kill my Libido? I am going crazy without his attention sexually.

hi, I am a 31 year old woman, with very same problem, I know how you feel, I may even feel worse, I have been crying when ignored, I feel so worthless and unattractive, it hurts so much , I feel cheep, not wanted, and wanting to punish him next time he wants sex, but as it never happens that he start a sex, and even so, I can never turn him down as I really want to use the chance since I am always deprived…..Did you get any answers to your questions? or any solution to your problem? can you please advice me too if u did please, desperately need help here….oh by the way I am married, and we have a beautiful son as well…..

I have been with my boyfriend for two years. Our sexual relationship was good when we first started out. I was more horny than he was, but I put that down to the fact that before getting with him, I was a virgin so I thought it was normal. Then things started to go down hill. First it went down to once a week, then once a fortnight then once a month and now, we haven’t has sex in half a year. I’m telling you this to let you know that you’re not alone and also to urge you to get this problem sorted ASAP, because it doesn’t get easier with time. I’m not saying you should dump him, but I suggest you try to get him to see a doctor or something if it gets much worse. I left it too long and now I am at a point where I feel like we will never have sex again and it is killing me inside. It’s lonely and I have no self esteem left. Now I am scraping the barrel for ways to change myself, because I can;t get him to do anything. I am unwilling to cheat and I am unwilling to leave him. I am also very unhappy.

I completely feel for everyone here. CD and JRH I would not allow my wife to sideline my needs like that. Talk to her and tell her how important your needs are and how you have been sacrificing for her. If she is uncaring to even try for you I would let my unhappiness completely be shown. It is the duty of the partner with the lowest sex drive to satisfy the one that wants it!!! Your body is not your own. 1 Corinthians 7 read it.
I came here for a different reason. I’m currently coming out of a relationship where both of us have a high sex drive and I am wanting to suppress mine so I don’t do something stupid. I have read some of the women above who have high drives and they say that the men really don’t want it, but I disagree. My current had a higher drive than me at first and it was a little forced at first, but I have learned that satisfying my partner even when I have no desire for myself is such a great reward in itself.
For instance one night recently I went down on her for 40 minutes and followed it up with another 20 minutes of intercourse and play. We completely took the time to enjoy each others bodies. Yes I was watching the clock because we were going to make a movie showtime. I felt so completely satisfied in every part of my being. We watched our movie and I was tired and thought we were done for the night. She asked for another round and I was amazed. I didn’t initially feel like it, but I agreed. I went down again and had so much fun. Oral is really one of my favorite things and I can go tirelessly for such a long time and she didn’t get sensitive because I take so much care to pay attention to her body language. I wound up having just as much fun and satisfaction as the first go round. the point I am trying to make is that these people who “don’t feel like it” can come out of their comfort zone and give themselves to the relationship and needs of the other. It really is pride and selfishness that causes one to say no. Put aside your pride and you find enjoyment if not in your own satisfaction, but the satisfaction of your partner. Yes we were ready to go at it again the next night.
Now I am facing the prospect of a dry spell and man I don’t like that.

I’m so glad I found this article. I’m 18 and lately, my hormones have been raging like hell. I seriously want to kill it off or at least decrease it significantly. I’m about to go buy some of that herbal supplement ‘Vitex’ and hope for the best.
I found this article to be very helpful.

I’m in a similar position to you…
My wife of 11 years is currently taking anti-anxiety medication. She had a low libido to start with (after 3 kids) and now, as a side effect on the medication, it’s even lower, close to non-existent. The few times we’ve had sex (barely once a month) since she’s been on the medication, she’s not got much out of it and my libido is still as strong as ever.
Not being able to fulfill the physical/intimate part of our relationship is like forcing an addict to go cold turkey, I crave it, it’s on my mind all the time, my eyes wander to every skirt I see. I am sad and mopey, even aggro and short tempered with my young children. I’m strong enough to not do anything stupid now, but it’s turning my mind into a pretzel and I’m afraid I won’t last forever.
I totally understand what my wife is going through but I’m struggling to keep my brain/body in check and it’s driving me mental. All I want to do is control it, reduce the urge/libido so that I can be there for my wife when she’s ready to be intimate.
Any suggestions/advice would be greatly appreciated.

So I have been married for 9 years and dated my wife for 8 years before we were married. When we were dating we were having sex 2 or 3 times a day even 5 or 6 sometimes when we spent time away from each other.
we now have 2 amazing boys that keep us on our toes at all times. Since we have had our second child who is now 2 1/2 years old, it has killed my wifes drive and mine is still as strong as when we first started dating. I have talked to many people and they have told me that her drive will come back after eventually. Our doctors have told use that at her age being on birth control is a major factor of her lack of drive. However she tells me that she is not interested in getting her drive back.
So I am at the point of trying to kill my drive not slow it down. I actually want to kill my drive because I love my wife and want to make her happy, but where my drive is at I am afraid that I will end up hurting and losing her because I work away from my family all week long, and it would be very easy to find a girlfriend where I work.
Could anyone offer some advice please.

i feel your situation, unfortunately for everything I read from whatever one says, and from my own experience, it doesnt seem to get better. Even though, in my situation, my wife is “trying” it just doesnt seem to be working, having someone being sexual or passionate just for the sake of the other person just isnt the same thing as someone really wanting you really needing your touch and your kiss and the passion.
So as far as my situation again, I am married, (love my wife and family very much) we have children and I do not want to change our family situation at all, so since I do take an antidepressant I have talked to my doctor about changing to one that has been know to kill a person sex drive.
Yes, it might be very sad, in my 30’s and taking something to kill my sex drive, but…it is a major obstetrical we can just not get passed, since we have been together 10 years, and well, i guess i am so tired of trying to get her to feel the way i do, its not going to happen.

i have an extremely high sex drive and my boyfriend has none at all. i love him so much but i dont know how to get past this bump in the road. i dont wanna cheat on him cause i love him so much but these urges are so intense that it’s all i can think about for days. what can i do?

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