The People's Perspective on Medicine

Sexless Marriage Makes Him Desperate

Q. I am one of those old-fashioned men who was brought up believing sex was for after you got married. I never thought about the possibility my wife would have no sex drive at all.
After 21 years of little or no sex, I find myself depressed and empty. I have made so many attempts to help her find some value in it, but discussions with marriage counselors have revealed that my wife has issues that keep her from being interested in sex.
What am I to do? Seeking a girlfriend is out of the question. I married “for better or for worse.” I have always had a strong drive, but over the past few years it has become stronger and harder to control. It’s tearing me apart and driving me towards suicide. I just don’t know what to do anymore.
A. Please seek counseling for your depression. If your wife realized the impact this is having, she might be willing to find ways to ease your discomfort without intercourse.

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About the Author
Terry Graedon, PhD, is a medical anthropologist and co-host of The People’s Pharmacy radio show, co-author of The People’s Pharmacy syndicated newspaper columns and numerous books, and co-founder of The People’s Pharmacy website. Terry taught in the Duke University School of Nursing and was an adjunct assistant professor in the Department of Anthropology. She is a Fellow of the Society of Applied Anthropology. Terry is one of the country's leading authorities on the science behind folk remedies. .
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I say get a divorce and move on. This woman doesn’t ‘get it and never will.’

I too can identify with this person. My sex drive was always stronger than his and the lack of sex for 25 yrs and no sex for the past 5yrs takes a toll on a person. Has left me withdrawn, empty, angry and feeling very unloved. Counseling only goes so far when they are unaccepting.
To be in a marriage like this and do the right thing is so empty because all answers are life changing and heart breaking.

Seek out a spiritual counselor, preferably a man of the cloth. The most powerful prescription is prayer (try it, it works). There is nothing that God can’t do! The bond of marriage is very sacred and precious to God.

I sympathized w/ this man. My spouse (who is 66 and 8 yrs. older than me) was not very “experienced” when I married him 27 yrs. ago. …now can barely get an erection and refuses to even consider taking any medication that might help. I’ve brought home books, videos, games, etc. in an effort to try and spice up our sex life – to no avail. While we’ve been married, I feel like I had no other choice but to seek some sexual excitement elsewhere (or I would have divorced him)…but I’ve not strayed outside our marriage for over 14 years…but believe me – I’m getting very tempted again.

The marriage counselors said that his wife has “issues” with it, and he said that it is driving him toward suicide. The answer might be in using EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique. You can learn about it at There is a free 30 page article that describes the whole process, which some people call “verbal acupuncture.”
The article gives you everything you need to know, and there are free videos of education and demonstrations of the technique. You do it on yourself. No one else needs to be involved. There is no cost, there are no drugs. It is a form of cognitive therapy that seems to work when nothing else does.

No, he is not joking. I am a 63 yr. old woman and my husband is just like his wife as a result I have experienced over 30 years of frustration and depression.

What a inappropriate picture!! I am surprised at you. Do you think this man is joking or what?

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