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Women Who Want Sex More than Men

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There's a popular stereotype that guys have only one thing on their minds. SEX!
The implication is that women have to fend men off and that they are much less interested in making love. Based on our unscientific sample, however, the stereotypes are much too simplistic.

Women visiting our Web site ( have shared some incredible stories of frustration. Here are just a few: "You always hear from guys that they would love a girl like me, but put it into practice and you find out quickly that this just isn't true. I have had a high sex drive since I hit puberty and have never found anyone to match it.

"I have been with the same man for 10 years, and it has always been the same: I am the initiator (95 percent of the time) and the sorely disappointed one (90 percent of the time), night after night. I spend too many nights crying, feeling unattractive and listening to snores come from the other side of the bed.

"Other than this, we get along well, have similar interests and have established a good home. The biggest problem is that we are both in our 30s. I love my husband, but I don't know if I can deal with this for the rest of my life! I am looking for a way to reduce my sex drive because the rejection is killing me."

Another woman commented: "I thought I was basically alone in this. I'm a young woman with a very high sex drive. Except for sex, I am in a wonderful relationship.

"I have been with my boyfriend over two years. The first few weeks were bliss, where he actually wanted to make love with me. Since that time, we've gone from four or five times a week to MAYBE once every six weeks.

"I've dolled up, put on my best lace nightie, and when I walked into the room, he didn't even notice. He makes me feel so bad for always wanting it, like I'm some sort of weirdo.
"He's 24. He says he loves me and that he's still very attracted to me, but there is no proof. He doesn't even try to initiate anything with me and when I do, I'm rejected. I need something to kill my libido because my ego can't take any more rejection."

Apparently this problem is not at all unusual: "I can't believe so many others know what this is like. My sex drive is slightly above average. My boyfriend's is well below average.
"Other than the lack of sex, our relationship is perfect. I wish this one thing didn't hurt so much. We're both in our mid 30s and healthy. He just doesn't desire sex.

"On average, we have sex once every six weeks or so. At this point, once a week sounds good to me. It hurts so much to feel so undesired. Even when we do have sex, it's only to please me. The sex is really good when it happens. Every time we do I get my hopes up that it'll be more frequent but my hopes are always crushed. That's why I'm searching for something to kill my sex drive."

Although there are drugs that dampen libido as a side effect (antidepressants or hormones like progesterone) and herbs (such as chaste tree berry) that also may reduce sex drive somewhat, this type of problem is best addressed with counseling. Even when one partner is not in the mood, he could find a way to satisfy the woman he loves. Who knows, maybe while he's helping her he may find himself more interested.

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That is a shame. I am a man in the same situation. I have been married over 35 years and we both keep ourselves in good shape and I still have a desire and am capable of making love 3-4 times a week but once a week is enough for her.

When you love someone, you do want to keep them happy. I am not your usual husband. I cook clean and am very handy around the house for construction activities. Love to exercise and spend time with my wife. Wanting to make love to someone that you not only desire, respect and love and then to be turned down is hard to accept. You really do wonder if something is wrong with you or there is someone else that she is interested in.

Tough situation. Wish you the best. Like Doctor OZ said, a good love life not only reduces stress and will result in living 5 years longer but is fun too. Sometimes when we take the time and get away, it is like a honeymoon. GOOD LUCK

Interesting information--not altogether surprising. One of the myths of the culture that women are the passive not-interested in sex half of the partnership. For those women who are feeling the frustration of "not enough" suggest checking into purchase of a vibrator for the times when she is interested and he is not.

A wonderful little invention, inexpensive and effective. Might even inspire him if the experience is a shared one.

First, let me say there is NO woman who cannot outlast and wear out a man. It is just the way it is. And it is a good way to keep him from wandering.

Having said that, I have the opposite problem. My Wife is not interested. Or, if she is, she puts so much pressure on me to make it the most romantic, intimate experience that I end up worrying if I am doing it right, or wrong, or if I am not into enough for her. And then I don't do well.

I suggested lets just do it for fun because we love each other and go from there. Seriously, as good as sex is, the best part, for me, is when we are done and laying there in each others arms. The sex part is no longer diverting my attentions and I can hold her, run my fingers through her hair, run my nails up down her back, and more.

I try to make it interesting for her, I try to focus on her. I want her to enjoy it. I ask her what she wants, how to do it, and whatever else she may want. But she thinks that it is wrong for her to say anything. Anything other than her on her knees is wrong in her mind. There is no intimacy in making it robotic. I don't know if she is seriously interested in having sex or just doing it to patronize me. So when she initiates, I hold back not knowing why. It is frustrating.

In the end, for me, good sex is having her wake up in the morning, smiling while hugging her pillow, thinking the birds are a little cheerier and the sun is a little brighter and thinking, "you know, that was fun. I enjoyed it. I would like to do it again....with my husband." That is great sex.

I can empathize with the women who feel rejected. Because of my wife's lack of interest it makes me feel like she has no interest in me anymore. But, if I don't try, she gets mad because I have no interest. But if I try, I hear "Is that all I am to you, a sex toy?" Huh?

I have enough stress and pressure in my life. I don't need these artificial interferences compromising my relationship.

This is good to hear that some women have a greater sex drive than the partner. I have been married for 16 years and feel starved for sex. I tell my wife it is a important part of our relationship and it's important to me, but that seems to go unheard.

I have thought of cheating for sex but never have. She thinks counseling is not a option, any suggestions?

i only wish my wife WOULD initiate sex once. we have the opposite problem . . .
for a while a number of years ago, due to my work i DID rebuff her a few times, but since then, it's so rare to get it on at all, that it seems like it's not worth the effort.

As a guy that stayed too long in a relationship with a woman that did not share the same sex drive I can relate to the ladies complaining about their "cold blooded" partners. Please, get out of those broken relationships right away. Looking for a way of dulling your own desire will only increase your frustration. Looking for satisfaction elsewhere (cheating) would only make you feel guilty or get in a double life of lies and denial.

One of the most important foundations of a successful relationship is chemistry, and mutual desire. Lack of interest on the other part is CRUSHING for our ego. At some point in time a lot of people would feel so down that they would feel that their only option is to "go find outside what they don't get at home". Getting caught or not, invariably these actions will cause irreparable harm to their partners, to themselves, and their family.

Respect yourself. Ask for what you want and need from your partner, and don't stop until you get it. Do not PUNISH your partner EVER by denying sex, if there is any issue, address the root cause. If love is gone, face the facts, be honest and move on. If there is a medical cause, try medication, hormones, antidepresant medication, whatever it takes to bring back the spark. We don't know what its causing it, maybe environmental causes, but desire in man is declining. Check if that is the cause.

For men, rejection can be even worst than for woman, because of traditional roles, and expectations society puts on us, and believe it or not, we can suffer as much emotional harm as women, and we do!.

Be careful, relationships can be kept on life support for too long. The elephant in the room can be ignored for too long. Don't fall in that trap!

Thank you so much for telling the whole story and helping upend this stereo-type. It is comforting to read comments from women who are struggling with the same issue - high sex drive and not enough sex.

I'm single and in my late fifties and it's getting more complicated because the testosterone is dropping in most of the men my age. In my last relationship, my man was 60 with a great sex drive but after five years, it disappeared. He wouldn't go to the doctor about it and finally asked me to leave because he felt pressured for sex. I was devastated.

The problem is widespread, as revealed by all of the Erectile Dysfunction ads, but no one talks about helping the woman trying to hang in there.

I think you are doing a great service, and ground-breaking work, taking the issue out of the bedroom and into discussions with other women and the health community.

I was surprised the authors didn't mention that most men who don't want sex with their partners have many other mitigating factors affecting their "lack" of sex drive.

For almost 20 years of marriage, my husband convinced me he didn't have a strong libido. Like the comments on this page, I was always trying to solve 'the problem'. I cajoled, teased, entreated, cried, psycho-analyzed. To no avail.

He was incredibly affectionate, sweet and seemed to love me unconditionally. But never wanted sex with me. It never ended. Until I checked his computer and looked up 'History' under Favorites. There I saw all the porn sites. One day he'd visited 70 porn sites!

We almost lost our marriage, but through SAA (Sexual Addicts Anonymous) we are pulling through. Now, at least, we no longer have a sham of a marriage. A man just 'doesn't have a libido', he doesn't have a libido for YOU. There also can be deep issues in the relationship that have built to a level that can cause his behavior.

Wise up, read up and get active! The cute nighties aren't going to do it.

Why crush your libido? In Victorian times, unfulfilled women went to the doctor to deal with their "hysterics." There was a show on television about how the doctor would manually relieve this tension for them. This became so frequent, that he invented an electric device to accomplish the same. This evolved into the modern vibrator.

If your man can't handle your libido, YOU CAN! Have you considered purchasing a vibrator? If he always has access when he wants it, but you don't, he seems pretty self centered and neglectful of your desires. Enjoy your libido, independently, make your own magic. Who is to blame if you 'take matters into your own hands'?

Thank you for addressing this problem. Has anyone ever mentioned that with some men it is a power play to never respond to overtures from the woman? I, also, felt like a weirdo for wanting more sex and affection. Trying the rhythm method of birth control was a nightmare, as he was determined to have sex when I was fertile. I have 5 children and would have had more, but I had my tubes tied after #5.

Please continue to speak to this subject.

I've been hearing for several years of how bad soy milk and soy products are for male children. Many infants have been on soy their entire lives. I can recall talking with teens years ago who couldn't bring themselves to drink milk because they'd been raised solely on soy formula. Can this be a part of the problem we're seeing now in younger males? Is this trend reversible?

Thank you for sharing this information. I have been married for 12 years to a wonderful man that does not match my sexual libido. I joke that the guy every woman wants to marry got married to the girl that every man wants to marry. I too have struggled with insecurity, feeling unlovable and undesirable. Though my husband swears it has nothing to do with his lack of libido.

Am wondering if it would be helpful to have him tested? Could there be something hormonal or chemical keeping his libido low?

To the question of 'having him tested.' Might be a good idea. I was diagnosed with low testosterone. This caused severe hot flashes, mood swings. Low T makes you more susceptible to heart attacks and strokes. I was way below the low limit. The injections help. But be advised, this is not a cure all. Neither is an ED drug. It is the emotional bond that makes it work.

The great mystery of life is why two people in a relationship don't have equal sexual desires. Later on in life it seems like most women lose their sex drive and as a result rarely initiate sexual activities. This indeed is sad since wanting and initiating sex is a necessity in any relationship. Otherwise as was said so often in the other posts one of the partners will feel unwanted or like he/she is doing something wrong.

In a marriage both the woman and man should make love making a high priority and a requirement in order for their marriage to be successful. Unfortunately too many partners don't want to put in the extra effort to fulfill these requirements and as a result the marriage goes stale or ends in divorce.

What a shame when you think about it. A sexually inactive person can spend hours doing chores each and every day at home, work, or shopping like washing clothes, dishes, cleaning the house, or sitting in traffic for hours. However, spending 20 minutes a couple of times a week engaging in sexual activities is considered excessive and too difficult to do???? Does this make sense?

It's all about attitude and not putting the effort into a relationship that you should be.

Its nice to know I'm not the only person with this problem. My husband and I have been married 17yrs. and have a daughter 16. Sex for us happens once a month if I'm lucky. I feel bad that he seems not to find me as desirable and attractive as he once did. Other than sex we have a great marriage.

My comments: It seems like it takes opposites to attract. Therefore it is likely that one partner will have a lower sex drive than the other. Also if two HIGH libido partners get married what will be the sex drive of their children??

I think it is interesting that no one mentioned the emotional factors that can throw a monkeywrench into a couples' sex life. In our case, we got together in our early/mid 30's, when we were still young and vigorous enough to have a great sex life. I fell head over heels and he clearly had strong feelings for me, though not as strong as mine. One of the things that he said to me, before we were more than just friends is that he missed being married "...because he loved to f--- like crazy." That was all I needed to hear, because I was already so in love with him, all I needed to know was whether he liked sex, too. One of the problems with all of my several relationships between my wild teenage years to the present, was that no one even came close to my first lover, in high school.

Imagine my dismay when, within a few weeks after a decent start to our relationship, he began setting up extreme limitations on when we could have sex. He said he was too spaced out at work on the days after sex,
so we could only do it on the weekends. No only that, but despite his having been married twice before, I found him to be quite inexperienced, and not willing to learn what I liked or be experimental at all. I was always careful to be very respectful of his feelings and never told him he wasn't a good lover, or that he wasn't very adventurous. I was a little bored when we did manage to get together, but I had no idea how good I had it.

Within just a few months of our getting together we moved in together and things just continued to go downhill from there. By the time we had been together for 6 months or so, he began to make excuses to avoid sex, no matter how romantic or sexy I made things. It was odd, though, that when I did get past his objections, he always said how sexy I was, what a great time he had and that we really needed to do it more often.

Leap forward to today, 20 years later. We are still together, but have been basically celibate for nearly all of that time. He would occasionally deign to pleasure me with his hands, but when I would beg him to make love to me, he would refuse, ignore me and leave me frustrated, crying and aching to be united with him as we used to be in the beginning. I am now about to turn 54, and he will be 59 this year. After years of being rejected, ignored, frustrated and heartbroken, I have packed on 100+ lbs onto an already very obese frame. I have literally almost eaten myself to death over this, because I assumed that he pushed me away due to my weight (before I got this heavy) and that he just couldn't bring himself to say so. Clearly I have my own issues, but without him dealing with his, my having dealt with mine didn't, in the end, really make much difference, except that I have almost arrived at a place of acceptance about this great loss.

Last year, when my partner became ill with cancer, he finally confessed that the reason he withdrew from me in this way, was due to his being traumatically shamed as a young boy, when his stepmother caught him masturbating. He has never gotten over the shame and humiliation he felt, and is still in so much pain about it, has refused to get help, even though I actually got him into counseling multiple times. He would sabotage himself and make excuses (usually always work-related) to quit going, just as he began to get close to divulging/dealing with what was troubling him.

Now, he is one sorry human being! He admitted that during a trip to visit our daughter at college, he had taken some time to assess what was missing in our relationship, and how it was causing a void between us. He had decided to come to me and beg me to give him another chance to rebuild our love life, in hopes that we could rekindle not only that, but our loving feelings once again. Unfortunately, he dawdled, and then got ill and now, even though we are so grateful that he beat the cancer, he is so sick with all the co-morbidities (like osteoporosis, for one) that resulted from the use of the chemo drugs and steroids used to treat the cancer, that we barely even exchange kisses anymore. I too have become less and less well and don't forsee things ever getting any better between us.

I guess the point of my long posting is to share with people having problems with men (or women, for that matter) who are not interested in sex is that they should not assume that it is due to anything being wrong with themselves, but that the problem may well be, as in our case, due to some deep emotional issues on the part of their partner.

If they can convince their partners to seek and accept professional help or find some way to release that shame, etc. they may well be able to save their marriage/relationship/partnership. Otherwise, a loving relationship without a healthy sex life is doomed to become more of a living-with-your-sibling situation, than the deep, loving one it could be.

I am one of the people on the other side of the fence. My wife wants to have sex every day and I used to give that to her but I haven't been able to keep up. This has led to many problems in our relationship. She has felt unloved and went somewhere else to fill that hole she has in her heart.

I love my wife and she loves me I don't want to leave her but her addiction to sex Is hard to deal with. I am a sex addict to but I'm once or twice a week and this is pulling us apart.

We have 4 kids and even this is noticed by my 10 year old that we get more and more frustrated at each other. I thank you for letting me know how my wife probably really feels and hopefully this will make me a better husband.

That's what I said in my posting, which I don't see here. My man had all the energy in the world to work himself stupid, both at work and around our home, but always made excuses when it came time for our "weekly date night"--something he imposed on us because he said sex during the week made him "too spaced-out" at work the next day...

After nearly 20 years of being rejected and neglected (in bed only: he's a wonderful partner in every other way), he finally confessed that he is still scarred from his childhood and has so many shame issues about sex that he has a terrible time just allowing himself to "let go" and enjoy sex...

After trying multiple times to get him/us help via counseling, only to have him sabotage it, I finally gave up and resigned myself to taking care of myself...and as much as that can relieve a little stress, it pales in comparison to making love and feeling cherished by your beloved. The heart wants what the heart wants, and it tears us both apart that now, neither of us will likely never have it with each other again...

His recent bout with cancer and now osteoporosis mean sex is just out of the question, and I would really feel like a monster asking him to even try. I've always been physically more attracted to him than he has me, but after all that has gone on for 20+ years, at this point, I really don't even care about it anymore...and the urges have pretty much died down to a trickle, so I guess things have worked out for the best, in the end...Sigh!

After reading most of the comments on this page I just have to shake my head and wonder how many of the "disinterested partners" might actually be hiding their true sexuality. I, too, had a spouse that told me over and over that there was something wrong with me for "wanting it" all of the time. After 30 years of marriage, two beautiful children and several sessions at the marriage counselors my now ex-wife declared her lesbianism (is that a word?)

The warning signs were there but I chose to ignore them. I mean how do you ask the mother of your children if she is gay? That being said, once the cat was out of the bag, so to speak, everything made sense. The high number of gay friends and associates, the way she dressed and wore her hair suddenly made it crystal clear why her sexual desires were lacking in a heterosexual marriage. After our divorce was final I discovered that there were women out there who loved sex as much as I did.

I finally found one that was the answer to all of my prayers and we are now married. So my advice to those of you who "wonder" about their spouse or partner's libido, look deeper and don't be afraid to ask the hard questions. It might save you a lot of heartbreak down the road.

I am and have always been, exactly the same as described in this article. It seems men are interested in the beginning, then interest wanes, whereas mine never, and I do mean, never does, whether my husband/boyfriend gains weight, isn't dressed particularly sexy, even if I am super-busy or sick, I am still like this 24/7, and it creates problems. You wouldn't think so, but it does!

As the one woman said, it's REALLY hard for a woman to even initiate, let alone get turned down! It's humiliating, leaving hurt feelings, feelings of insecurity and unattractiveness - never good things to have in the mix when making love is concerned - and so on. And ultimately it affects everyone feelings of wanting to make love; it's a huge problem!

After spending 22+ years eating myself further into morbid obesity and blaming myself for my wonderful partners' complete lack of sex drive, he finally admitted to me that he has had sexual hangups ever since his evil stepmother discovered him masturbating as a young boy... he believed that he should not allow himself to enjoy a normal sex life, and so, decided to simply stop ours... dead in it's tracks...

I tried to get him to counseling, several times, but every time anyone started making any headway he'd freeze up, clam up and find any excuse to stop going...

So here's the point: we, as women, tend to be insecure about ourselves and our bodies because we have been bombarded with messages from misled, if well-meaning mothers, ignorant "diet doctors" and the media. It doesn't take much to make us believe that if our otherwise loving and wonderful partner no longer seems interested in sex, it must be OUR faults... I say, especially after punishing myself for 22+ years, look at HIS part in it and delve into it... don't stop until you get him some help and get yourself some answers.

I wish my man had listened to me, and the professionals who tried to help him, and, now, so does he... especially after he brought on cancer by choosing to live in a-stressful-as-possible-lifestyle, without allowing himself to do ANYTHING that might relax or decompress or make himself happy.

He now realizes what he lost by pushing me away all those years without any explanation (and believe me, I gave him MANY, MANY opportunities to open up to me about why). I am still with him, and I still love him, but frankly, the fire has died and I just can't get it back. Now, we just get through life one day at a time, and basically live as sister and brother...

I am a woman who constantly feels rejected by the men with whom I have had relationships. I am always the one with the higher sex drive, and as such there always seems to come a time in the relationship where my man feels "pressured to perform." For me, I am not looking for a "performance" - I want sex for the physical and emotional connection it brings. To the few who commented about getting a vibrator, that is about the most ridiculous comment to a woman who feels rejected because her partner denies her sexually. I have used vibrators, and have no qualms with using them. However, they are not now nor will they ever be a replacement for an intimate, sexual connection with the person you love and care for.

I discussed this with my wife and have repented of the unforgiveness and anger toward her brought about by hurt thinking her not wanting sex as frequently as I was a sign of her not caring for me. Her feelings are just as important (or more) than mine. I will not cheat on her with anyone or look for or to any other - marriage is much more than sex and sacred and binding in God.

I too thought I was the only woman going through this. Always had a high sex drive since I started having sex at 20. I've been able to get around the problem of not getting sex from one person because I'd always have a "friend with benefits" as back up.

Problem now is that I'm married. I do feel that marriage it's sacred and I'd never betray him. I'm around alot of guys being in the military and have had a couple of guys make advances but I've been able to say no so far. It actually makes me upset that other guys want me but my husband doesn't. So I've had to turn to pornography to pleasure myself.

Am I crazy for wanting sex with my husband everyday? If possible twice a day? He laughed at me when I told him how much and how often I wanted it. We've only been married for 2 years and I'm 33, he's 38.

Am I crazy or are there couples who actually have sex this often? He says I'm insane, that most people have sex 2, 3 times at most in a week.

Oh wow, reading everyone's article helps me vent too! I am a women in my early thirties and my soon to be husband is in his late forties.. Our sexual side started off great! 2/3 times a day, two to three times a week. It was fine and dandy, lately it's been only me that still craves for more sex.

It started out him initiating and now I'm constantly begging. I asked if he's lost interest in me or if there's someone else. His reply was no, and that he's tired from work. Which I totally understand when a man comes home from work he needs at least an hour to wind down. After settling in, I make my first attempt and got shot down with the same " I'm tired and had a long day at work " This went on for 4 months!!

Seriously hurts my ego, and I start to wonder if it was me. There was a time he had a health scare and started focusing on himself and his health, which I am one of his biggest supporters. Every night, I'd try to get in his pants at least once and none was accomplished.

I've tried seducing, to doing the things I've never done, yet he shuts me down again. Listening to him snore everynight was a turnoff but I felt with it and nothing faded me from trying. One day, he snored so bad that I couldn't stand it anymore!!! I asked my Fiancé to check out some options with the doctors, maybe run a few test to see if he has sleep apnea; and sure as hell we find out he has high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and his testosterone was low!!

After said and done, it became all about him. Support him with his diet, making sure he's eating right and making sure I don't accidentally hurt his emotions because he feels stressed about his health. Doctor prescribed him high blood pressure medication and we all know high blood pressure medication does not help "JR" especially with low testosterone. I'm still out of luck with the SEX.

I sat him down, and had a long conversation with him. I told him how i felt and he admitted that he wasn't denying me sex, he just couldn't get his "JR" to perform. Save me the curiosity, I thought it was me or another partner!! Whew..with this said and done we asked doc to proscribe something for JR, and his doctor gave him Cialis. Currently, I still have to ask for sex and I maybe get it once every two weeks. Wtf!

My question is, do men loose interest in sex? Whether if it's just sex or having sex with emotional intent!?! I sure know that toys and vibrators do get old!!!

Thanks for reading..

PS.. ok, I'm a man and my wife likes to have sex a lot less frequently than I do. I would settle for a few times per week and would be very happy about it at this point although I'd like it more often. so I post on here and feel guilty. My wife is an incredible woman and I feel that if I have to accommodate her lower sex drive then I'm willing to for her sake however it has been a struggle for me...

From a Christian perspective and to those who are married Christians as I am here's what the Bible says (keeping in mind it takes TWO to make a marriage work and to agree on how things should be for the mutual benefit of both partners):

1 Corinthians 7

Concerning Married Life

" 1 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. "

For decades my interest in sex was greater than my wife's. We wound up having relations about three times a year. Then she started using medical marijuana for depression, and her interest in sex greatly increased. We now tend to have sex three times a week, with her always interested in more. Also, with increased frequency came increased variety and pleasureability, and a very surprising ability for me to last longer. This has greatly improved our marriage.

I am a young woman in my early 20's and I have been with my boyfriend for four years now. My sex drive is much higher than his and I agree that one of the worst things about it is the rejection. I hate coming onto him just to have him say "im tired". The sex when we do have it is fantastic, but i have to practically beg to get to it. It makes me wish that he would go after me because all a woman wants in the world is to be wanted.

Other than feeling like I'm an unattractive sex fiend our relationship is amazing and I love him to death.

I know exactly how you feel I have no idea what to do? Don't know how much more of the rejection I can handle anymore !!

I am glad to see there are many woman in the same boat. I always thought a man wanted sex continuously. Every relationship I have been in the past the man always wanted a lot of sex, but my boyfriend now of almost 2 1/2 years seems to be wanting it less and less. He is 39 and I just turned 31.

He claims most couples by this point only have sex maybe a few times a month. But, I shake my head at that. To me those people really aren't digging eachother.

I can have sex maybe once @ least everyday. I don't have any kids, I'm in good shape, eat right, and so does he. So, I am confused. I have finally come to that fact, reading other posts, he must have low testosterone. But, I cannot say this to him, cause he is defensive and will get mad. He makes it seem like it is me. Just miss the passion we had in the beginning.

I have seen comments about people with husbands with low libido and woman having high sex drives. I do not know if my situation fits that. Yes I want sex more than my husband but I do not think I am asking too much to get it more than once every 2 to 3 months. I would be happy with once a month. At least that is better than what I am getting now. I know that he is interested. He has no problem with E.D. When he does give it to me, it is amazing and wonderful. I just wonder what I can do to help him be interested.

WOW! I have been in many relationships and never has a guy kept up with my sex drive. I always hear of guys wanting a girl like me but they can never keep up. Masturbating is not enough for me and i do feel like a freak because I walk around always thinking about sex. There are times where I want to have sex with any cute guy that is attracted to me, but what would that do to my relationship? It is horrible living this way. I guess we should try to talk to our partners and let them know how they make us feel when they reject us. It is not equal we try our hardest to make them happy, why can't they help us with this small problem that will bring us closer together

I understand completely. I am 28 yrs old and will soon be getting married to my very best friend. Everything is perfect except our sex life.

I want it constantly. He is fine with 2 times a month or so... I need something to help decrease my drive, Its causing arguments....

My wife and I used to enjoy very regular love making but now I would rather read a book. I wish that I still had a high libido and satisfaction, as I can remember how enjoyable it was and I feel bad that my wife has to ask me for satisfaction. It seems to be a very common problem after some time of being in the same relationship.

Although I can be aroused: mentally the message does not seem reach the parts that matter, but sometimes I have erotic fantasies involving other women (?the seven+ year itch?). I would not be upset with her if she secretly found physical satisfaction else where. Nevertheless, I feel it is my duty to make love once a week as best as I can and she is satisfied when I do this. The person who said it's very selfish not to give 30 minutes a week to satisfy your partner is quite right. A man can often be satisfied in 10 minutes with little effort from his partner but most woman would like an hour of very active stimulation. If she needed it everyday then she would need a vibrator or a new partner.

For those wanting to reduce their need through drugs: there could be unforeseen consequences, better to service that need with a vibrator or perhaps with someone else in a similar situation depending on your religious/ethical beliefs, even if you change partners you might face the same problem again after several years in the new relationship. If you partner is not willing make an effort at least once a week perhaps they don't deserve you or they should know the possible consequences of their selfishness.

Sometimes I also feel fully satisfied but usually frustrated by lack of a proper climax. Our relationship is often very strained by this lack of desire on my part and I understand a lot more of how she feels rejected and undesired because of the other comments. I can tell you that for me sexy nighties don't make a difference unless she can make herself 21 again. I am trying various known herbal libido boosters, more exercise and perhaps I should try medical marijuana as well.

What might help get some partners going:
a) physical fitness (boost testosterone), less time sitting by TV, computers
b) timing - mornings or early nights, not when your partner is already tired
c) sweetness, kindness, gentleness, affection
d) body massage naked skin to skin
e) both sleep naked in close proximity
f) sexy movies with erotic scenes
Things that have had a negative impact and have made me more distant:
Bossy, overbearing, dominating, demanding, not letting me have an opinion, undermining me in front of children or others, impatience and refusing to listen/understand.

Wow. I'm glad to see I'm not the only woman out there suffering with this same problem, however I'm still disappointed to not see a solution.

I'm 24 and my bf is 34 and we have been together for 1 year and 5 months, living together for a year. I can't seem to get his attention, no matter how hard I try. He loves me I know he does, but sex with us can go without for weeks! Frequently for us is like once to twice every two weeks or so. I don't know if its an age difference thing but I want him all the time. I could settle for 1-2 times a week, to just feel wanted.

In arguments he tells me that when things are good between us everything else will just fall into place like the intimacy... but we have arguments rarely and when we do they're not even about sex.

I just don't know what to do. I've told him before that you know when you were my age I bet you had a high sex drive just like me if not're a guy! His reply is I want sex all the time!

BS! Then why don't I feel that...I cry myself to bed most the night, listening to him sleep bc I don't know what to do after being rejected. Its not good to feel rejected and its seriously killing me. I think our relationship could be 10 times better if we had a good sex life. Sex with him is amazing when I do get it.

I've tried outfits, videos, massages, little trinkets to show him I love him... I've even flirted and tried being a lil seductive through the day to lead up to a good night and literally the past 3 nights I've been rejected. .. please help me. I do think this kinda thing could ruin our relationship.

I am a woman in my late 20s and as such I feel that my very high sex drive is either statiscally and biologically logical, or maybe has been enhanced by several years of sexual repression, or a combination of the above. For years I was waiting for my libido to kick in (more often than the occasional bouts of intolerable lusting I was familiar with)- although I didn't expect it to be quite such a tidal wave.

I am not in love and never have been, and as such have never entertained a relationship that was other than purely sexual. I expect whenever it does happen, if the relationship is a monogamous one, it would have to be - hopefully would be - with someone with a similar sexual appetite.

In the meantime, the only way for me to satisfy my present needs is to negotiate up to three or four partners at the same time: if one is unavailable there's another who will be as glad to see me as I am to see them. There is no "romantic" attachment involved other than deep affection and respect, and this is what allows these "partnerships" (if we are to distinguish from other relationships) to evolve and flourish within their own individual dimension, and to run their course in what seems like a natural fashion without entailing emotional difficulties if/when they end.

I've only recently started sleeping with men again; an inherent difficulty in approaching women is the reason I had sex about once a year for a number of years - so I may yet just be making up for lost time, but I doubt that's the sole or even the main reason behind my present libido which at times feels difficult to handle (I get bouts of extreme moodiness and agressivity which sexual gratification seems the only cure to).

As a point of interest for this particular thread, straight men seem to be the ones who have the most trouble keeping up with my demands, whereas women have been more aligned with the frequency of my needs (to be honest, there seems to be so much variation in needs from one individual to the next that gender is arguably hardly at the forefront of the issue). Chance, fate, or law of attraction: I don't believe it needs be that only opposites attract.

In any case I count myself lucky that I have found an arrangement that I'm both comfortable and satisfied with. I hope that through these experiences, having acquired the measure of give and take that can and should be found in a sexual relationship, my future partner/spouse and I can more easily discern and deal with potential problems if they are to arise.

It did make me quite sad to think that some women who have contributed here feel like lowering their libido is the only viable option. No one should have to forfeit such an important part of what makes them who they are.

I love my boyfriend very much and am sure he loves me, he's loving and affectionate but I feel unwanted at times.

When we first got together we had sex at any opportunity, he spoke of an active sex life in the past was in an unhappy marriage where they both cheated. Since meeting me he says he wants different things now and has found someone he feels very happy with and wants to spend the rest of his life with. We have moved in together and most of the times are very happy.

We used to have sex most mornings but now it just seems to be on weekends which isn't enough for me. Prior to all this he accidentally showed me a pick of some half naked woman on his phone while looking at other things he apologised and said he thought he had deleted it! He says all men do it and openly admitted to masterbating.

I felt worthless and unattractive as it wasn't actual porn stars he was looking at but blonde sexy wives. I find my self wondering if we don't have sex so often because he's getting off on these sites?

He has since opted out of porn on his phone as Vodafone has restricted certain sites but yesterday I found that he subscribed to some fit woman on Facebook (I'm not on there anymore) and is following her, should I be worried? I do really trust him and am the happiest I've ever been since being with him but this makes me feel sick to my stomach and I don't know how to deal with it!

He's said I'm everything he wants and needs and nothing or no one else but why pursue these other women and deny me the sex I require????

you are not insane....i've always been blessed with men who made a point to keep up with me sexually....well until recently...i've been called a nympho etc and have heard every line in the book to avoid it. i also had a string of sex friends and have men approach me daily, but of course i only want the one i'm self-esteem is taking a beating that i can assure you. he is the one with the issue!

i'm not sure how long you have been with him but i would suggest he see a docotor for low testosteron/childhood issues and/or maybe you should have fun on the side or hell maybe just pack up and find someone else who will make a point to sexually compromise with you. sending you hugs!

Amen... I have the same problem. I have a huge sex drive and my man does not. I went for 6 years in a marriage with no sex whatsoever. It was a hard thing to do but I had a terminally ill partner. I stayed true blue to him until the day he died. After he passed I found a wonderful man that for the first month or so had as high of a sex drive as I do. Now a year later he and I both seem to be bored with each other.

Go figure. I love him to death and he loves me. However getting rejected too many times causes the relationship to just flatten. I want sex at least 3 or 4 * a week and he's just not interested. He has been to the doctor and got medication but even that doesn't seem to help. I know he wants to get married, but I am afraid to go that route because of this situation.

If its this bad after only a year what are we going face down the road? I'm in my early forties and he's in his late forties... much too young to lose your libido. I'm so frustrated in the bedroom but happy and most other areas of our relationship

Is there just no solution to this problem? Are we just supposed to resign ourselves to never find satisfaction? Anybody??? Suggestions??

I know how you feel. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 yrs. It seems like here lately I'm lucky if we have sex every 3 months. We are both in are late 30s so this is very hard on me. He has high blood pressure so that affects his erections but he has viagra but he still has no desire to even use them. which really bothers me. I feel as if I'm not good enough and its starting to affect our relationship. I'm confused and don't know what to do to help this. I don't want to lose him.

I have always been quite sexual and have never yet come across a man who could keep up with me. It's gotten to the point where men have left me because I freaked them out with how much I wanted sex and because we've had fights over me apparently pressuring them into it.

Sex is very emotional for me and very much tied to my feelings for the person, so it is really painful to be sexually rejected. At the moment I'm finding things particularly frustrating because I have just started seeing someone that I am insanely attracted to. Physically he is really my type, I find him stunning, and for some reason when he touches me it feels better than when other men have touched me. I

'm experiencing a surge of new relationship hormones and just can't get enough. It's already starting to be a problem, I'm being called a nympho and told I'm weird. It's just crushing for me that he doesn't seem to feel the same way, I thought when you are in a new relationship you're supposed to be going at it like crazy. I feel so close to him when we do it, and afterwards when he holds me.

Last night I ended up in tears after he got my hopes up that it would happen and then said he was too tired and went to sleep. The crazy thing is, we had already had sex earlier in the day, I'm so attracted to him that ideally I want it several times a day. I can't handle my level of attraction to him and am starting to think I'm going to have to end it because of how frustrating it is.. and I really don't want to do that... It's been upsetting me all day.

He accuses me of only wanting him for sex and doesn't understand how emotional it is for me and that I feel that much desire for him because I like him... I feel unsatisfied and misunderstood.

Wow - wish I had found this site a while ago (like 3 years) ... Am married to a fabulous man, we have been together for 24 years. We enjoyed a great sex life, fun, experimental, loving, adventurous, the whole thing and then suddenly nothing. After 6 months of feeling utterly rejected and unattractive and 'is he having an affair' we finally managed to have a chat - something I had done and turned him off (I still don't know what it was), this then moved on to lack of overall interest. I am very tactile, plus a pretty good sex drive, so with the combined hands off and no sex, ended up feeling even less attractive.

To cut a long story short ... blood pressure tablets (his) are really bad for your sex life, not that anyone mentions this. Following a further 2 year dry spell and finally a visit to the cardiologist who after a clean bill of health, recommended Viagra (wow expensive) we have had sex. Not great for me, I was, to be quite honest, too freaked out and worried as to whether the meds would work, but they did so hopefully things are looking up (no pun intended, honest), I just need to learn to relax - oh and to wean myself off self-relief.

My sex drive is still pretty high (possibly something to do with being peri-menopausal, but have always loved sex so not sure about this) so am hoping that the physiological reasons are the issue and that the meds and practice will resolve this, and we can go back to what we had before. Will post again in a few months to up date.

wow very good to read that other women have same problems. Nobody talks about cheating so far, everyone either eats or just gets masturbating.

I am 29yrs old, my partner is 2 years older. Apart from the first year it has been always like that I wanted sex more than he does. The frequency (yes I started to count it) is 1x per 4-6weeks.

We've been together for 5 years and now I start to have doubts. Before I thought if everything else works fine, so this is just a small thing and I was sure to make it work. However I did cheat on him, once - a lot of guilt, it was terrible, but I survived and never told him about it.

After another 6 months I did it again and this time I had no regrets. So what now? The situation is not improving, we talked about it a million times; he feels pressured for sex (although I feel like I cannot even imply it).

I still love him but sex is just not so important to him as it is to me.

Shall I live a life of lies or break a working relationship believing there may be a better one?

Wow I thought I was alone!! Here I am laying in bed
Next to an asleep man after rejection it feels horrible
I'm so worked up and he's just not interested.

He says he's still attracted to me, but it's difficult to believe
It sometimes ....I get the hopes up thing! Had sex twice
In 2 days I got so exited only to be sexually ignored for
The next week and a half....iv walked into a room in sexy
Underwear, get a 'cool' is that!

Only thing is he's 26 I'm that normal? My sex drive is nuts.

I feel so agitated all the time because
I can't kill my libido.

No. You are not alonnnneeee!!!!!!!! Omg!!!! Im going crazy! Im 23 and my husband is 29 im going through the same exact thing !!!!! Im going crazyyyyyy!!!! He makes me feel like im not normal.

I ended up telling him how I felt, he said That's just him he has a low sex drive. He said he would try some things for me In his diet that is meant to help produce more Testosterone

And he had sex with me that night..

I'm not alone!! I'm too laying next to my man who just rejected me... this is a constant fight between us all the time.. what do I do? Take drugs? Counseling? Move on after two years with almost perfect man? I'm tired of the rejection, it hurts too much and he don't see that. Advice please

Oh thank god! after reading this and finding that so many other women out there are struggling with this predicament too

I'm 26 and in a fairly new relationship I have been with him for 6 months nearly 7 now. we met online and we found that we had the exact same personality, desires etc pretty much we were the same person with different sexual organs...we met 1 week and a half later at a motel (I lived 1600 kms away and we drove half way to meet each other) we screwed like rabbits the first day we had sex many times that day and it was great, I ended up driving the rest of the way down to the city where he lived to live with my brother who was close by but I actually ended up moving in with my boyfriend straight away pretty much (we did move fast and we know this) we had sex so often every night pretty much and then it slowly dwindled as it does I guess with the "honeymoon" effect wearing off...however my drive never slowed and he KNEW how high my drive was from the get go, I expected his to match due to him telling me before we met of all his escapades in the past, I thought I had a partner who could keep up! how I was wrong.

as time has gone by in the last 2-3 months his drive has gone even more south, he has lost weight, started a new job and he works away a couple times a week then comes back and goes away again up north (driving trucks) and we'll have sex the night he gets back and then he's off again but when he has his consecutive 3 nights off his "weekend" we MIGHT have sex twice if I'm lucky before he goes away again...I feel so alone...I've told him that I felt insecure and I've NEVER felt insecure in a relationship, I asked if he was sexually attracted to me still (I havent gained weight) and he said very much so. (he doesnt even look at porn anymore! he deleted a whole collection off the computer the other day!!).

I did some digging online and there could be a few causes of his lack of desire 1. Low Testosterone (he's 30 in a couple months) also could be due to losing body fat 2. he could have onset diabetes which cause high insulin therefore reducing his sex drive with it blocking the sex hormones

he is going to be getting it checked out because I've nagged him so much about it, I feel like such a bad guy when I ask for more after we've just had sex or when I nagged him about getting it checked out (at least he is!) I've contemplated cheating but I wont because if I havent done it before in my past I sure wont be starting now.

apart from the lack of sex I love him very much and we have a great relationship I just wish he was on the same level as me as far as intimacy goes because I just want to be intimate with him I've been in tears after masturbating because its just not the same...I dont care about having an orgasm thats not the point the point is I want to be with the man I love intimately and often because it feels good when we're together like that.

Totally agree. I'm always perplexed (and p*ssed off) by people who claim to be "too tired" for sex. Seriously?! I would never use being tired as an excuse. I've had sex several times when I was tired and it was still great.

I am a man who is 45 years old. I am professional, educated, and have a good sense of myself. I am very fit, and workout six fays a week, mostly for stress relief, and to keep up my sense of worth and value. I have a tremendous sex drive, and always have. I would prefer to have sex 2-3 times per day, if it was offered.

I am married, for the last 13 years, to a good woman, who has a far lower sex-drive. I have two super kids, who are incredibly important to me. I get to have sex with my wife, 4-6 times per month. To me, this is horrible, because I always initiate, and get turned down 80% of the time. I masturbate daily, just to calm myself down. This has a tremendous impact on our relationship, because it makes me feel rejected, and basically un-loved and under appreciated. My wife also has sex toys, which she uses with me, and on her own at times. It really upsets me, that she uses the toys solo, and then turns me down for the real thing. She orgasms, nearly every time when she is with me.

We do not fight, or argue very much, but it is obvious that she does not love me as she once did. She used to be more experimental in the bedroom, and she was definitely more sexual than she now is. She is in her mid 40's as well, and has become a bit harsh about some things, and has tried to create a separate life for herself with her coworkers, "who understand her "true jokester personality" better than I do. Needless to say, this has caused problems. There has been no cheating, and I have checked carefully, but I have called her out for what I believe are inappropriate emotional connections, outside of our marriage. She is trying to readjust this.

There is a lot of pain associated with being rejected, and I am sure this impacts my ability to respond calmly and to behave confidently with my wife. I know that she has painted me in a negative light with her friends, because their reactions to me, and their interactions with me are tempered with caution and do not reflect reality. This is very hurtful.

If we did not have children, I would have left long ago. When I dated women, I never would have put up with this situation. However, with two kids in the mix, I am trying to hang in there and get them to be older, before we pull the plug and move on. We don't hate each other, but I resent her controlling manner, and the use of the kids as a lever against me.

I know that the kids are not a weapon she chooses to use, but the idea of taking away family is terrible to me. It would be devastating to them, because they are at an age when they need our support. We do have a fairly strong family bond. However, if she had half custody, I would be concerned that there would be few boundaries or controls on the kids, when they were not with me. I am the one who always has to say "no" to them, when something is dangerous or is not good.

When we dated and got married, her sex drive was more compatible with mine. It has slowly decreased. She is in shape, and is also a professional. It is a tough situation. Maybe as we get older, my sex drive will calm. I have hoped this would happen. She does not think our issues are sex related, but she really does not understand what it feels like to be denied or rejected. It has never happened to her. I had sex with her two days after I had surgery, when she offered. I feel for everyone who has posted. It is a painful thing to feel like there is something wrong with you, and I don't comprehend why someone would not want to make love more.

That is not normal. if this is just a boyfriend situation, and is not a marriage with kids, just run. It will only get worse. I am a 45 year old male, and would have to be on an IV to turn down sex from a cohabitating woman who was demonstrating sexy panties for me. Seriously, this is terrible.

I am a woman who is extremely sexual. I need that connection with a man just like some people in a relationship need to like similar sports or Tv shows or other activities. if one person is willing to hold back on being sexual for the love of another than that other partner should be willing to give into some sexual acts for the love of their partner as well.

My advice would be move on, find somebody new, because obviously you and your partner are amazing friends and a friendship will last even if you break up because you have absolutely no sexual ties to hold you together to create jealousy.

I am married for two years with my husband, and for me, I would like to have sex once a day, so I would say i have a high libido.

I mostly ask for sex, and the best he can do for me is 1 in 2 days, and if i don't ask, we have sex once in a week. I keep myself away from sex during my period because of religious reasons, so 1 week in 4 we don't have sex, and mostly afterwards he initialises the sex.

I thought that it was because i didn't orgasm that I wanted to have sex so often, but now that i sometimes orgasm; the only thing that changed is that we don't fight when we don't agree on how much sex we have (because I don't feel as bad as I used to), but I still want once a day sex.

Now the latest months I had a stupid idea to watch porn, and it has been an addiction since. Now I have changed my computer so that I can't watch it anymore, and I have read articles about how bad the porn-industry is etc, so I think I am conquering this fight, but what would really help I think is if my husband would furfill this need. What do you think about it?

I'm 25, married my college sweet-heart... He couldnt get enough of me then.... Why is there a change now... I'm a few years younger than him, still look hot/stay in shape, still excited and adventurous in the bedroom...

I love sex and I love pleasing him, but he seems to "have to be in the mood" if he wants me most nights and he is usually too tired. I feel so rejected and try to stay perfect for him (physically ect) all the time. If he's not bored w/our adventurousness, then does heaven still find me attractive?!..

I'm soooo very depressed over this. I feel like I'll never be perfect enough or sexy enough... I just want to feel satisfied while making my man's every wish comes true (sounds corny, but the truth).

Men love my body & complement me all the time... I love my husband, but if other men think I'm very attractive & like my personality... Then (what I'm afraid of) is that my husband & I have grown apart..?.?..

Please Help with advice!!!

I am so relieved that there are other women with this similar problem. I have been struggling with this issue for several years with my boyfriend.

I feel like I am unattractive and even less of a woman in his eyes. What really hurts is that he watches porn and masturbates steadily. I don't understand what else I can do to make this happen. He has been everything I have ever wanted, except sexually. He recently told me that he doesn't like "that every time he kisses me it turns to sex." He has also told me that I make myself too easy. I would be happy with sex 3-5 times a week.

I just enjoy flirting and touching, but I feel rejected constantly. That if Thursday comes around, and he would like sex that I better not say no or I will not have another chance. I am starting to feel pathetic, and my self esteem is becoming low. I have tried dressing up, working his ego, and making special dinners.... I don't know what to do any more....

He is snoring next to me once again after rejecting me. I have been away for days and only just came back today and I missed him a lot. I am 28 and he is 2 years older than me. I thought that he would be all over me coz I was not around, but obviously he did not miss me as much as I missed him.

We have been together for 3 years and we have always been adventurous in bed until I got pregnant. He always said he was scared that he will hurt the baby and I also felt the same way even thought the Dr assured us that it was safe to be intimate.

We went back to being intimate when our daughter was 3 months old and that 1st night was out of this world. Then that was it. He always made excuses about the baby being around. After our daughter turned 6 months I sent her to live with my mom but three months later there is still no improvement. He always says he is tired from work. I cry myself to sleep and he just doesn't seem 2 care. He is a good husband in all other aspects and he is also a great father. But this is killing me. I really love him.

I am starting to understand why people cheat and we always wonder why coz they have loving and caring husbands.

I am 59 my husband 62. We have 4 children all over 18. My sex drive is almost equal to my husbands and has always been the same from day one. It is important in a marriage to have a similar sex drive. Friction will always result if the sex drives are vastly different.

We have sex every day and may miss a day here or there. I can orgasm during intercourse and do so at least twice every time. Not having an orgasm would be less satisfying to me and the tension build up needs a release.

I orgasm easily and am proficient and can do so quickly or at a slower pace but my first orgasm in the session is fairly fast as I need that release.

I keep my body in shape and so does my husband. That is too very important as how do you get excited if your partner is overweight and sexless.

I never masturbate and do not need to. Practice makes perfect and I have worked at my seuality and have made time every day to have sex and experiment with new techniques even small ones. My advice to younger couples ---just as you make time for other tasks in your day make time for sex.
It makes your day and binds your marriage.

I don't know what to do anymore, my husband never seems to want me anymore. I am not overweight, I think I am reasonably attractive and at 33 years old, I really want to have sex often with my husband. He is 43, and it seems in the past 3 years his desire has been steadily waning. He makes me feel so ugly and undesirable despite my healthy self-esteem when he denies me his affection. I would like to have sex 2x a day the way we used to when we first got together, but he stresses to me that his back won't allow this. I do understand his physical limitations, but on the same token, he will hop up tout suite to go help a friend build a deck or some other laborious task! I don't get it! He can lift heavy items in the hot sun for HOURS, but his back won't allow sex with his wife?

Then, it's incredibly hurtful to seek help on my on via the internet, looking for advice, and all I see 99% of the time, is things down the line of "Men are supposed to want sex ALL THE TIME..." oh really? So...what is wrong with my husband? What is wrong with me? I cry a lot now, and I have never really cried over a relationship before. I just keep thinking there must be something wrong with me. The only area of my body that truly disappoints me are my breasts. I keep thinking that maybe if they weren't B's...maybe if they were DDD's, he'd want me more often, because I know he liked big breasts before we got married. I have not found any porn on the computers and I have no reason to suspect him of cheating. The only thing going on is his low T and his health issues that include back pain.

He does take a lot of medications to treat his illnesses. I support him through all of this, and I'm willing to compromise on sex just 2-4 times weekly, but I'm lucky now if we have sex that often per month! I feel like he forces himself to have sex with me too, as if I am repulsive or something, because I note that the quality of his erections are decreasing as well. He used to get really hard and respond to my foreplay, but now he more or less stays limp. His doctor prescribed a testosterone patch, but he was allergic to some compound in the adhesive, so he had to discontinue that. Back to square one now. I'm jealous of every couple I see that is all over one another publicly. I wish I had that. I wish I had a man who would respond to me and surprise me with sex that he truly wants to give me, not out of pathetic pity or obligation. I love my husband with all my heart, but he is killing me and our relationship.

I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to be loved and I don't think I am asking for a lot. I'm not ugly, I don't stink, I'm not the size of a freighter and I'm not an overbearing witch to him. Of course, I think he is getting his rear on his shoulders because this topic is a hot one as of late between us, and he feels me bringing the subject up is putting him on the spot. I understand that men are sensitive about this, but what can be fixed if we don't communicate about the problem honestly? This is a problem and I don't know why he won't work harder on fixing it with me instead of running away/pretending that it doesn't exist and leaving me further in the cold. I feel like he is going to push me away from him.

My fiance and I have been together for a year and a half now, and I have noticed that over the past few months his sex drive has decreased in such an odd way...

It's very obvious that he only ever wants it on his terms. I would be happy with this, if the sex lasted more than 10 minutes at most. There is never any foreplay, it's always "the ol' in out".

If I initiate sex, I almost always get turned down and it takes a huge toll on my confidence and self image. Thoughts of looking for satisfaction elsewhere had momentarily crossed my mind, but I would never do that to him or us.

Besides the lack of sex, he's the man of my dreams! I love him to death.

The strange part of all of this is that I am 18 and he is 24. I'm far from overweight, we don't argue much (besides petty problems) and on a daily basis he compliments me. I'm called "sexy," "the best he's ever had," etc. I never see the true physical part of these thoughts and feelings, though.

I refuse to believe our relationship is going downhill. I've found pleasuring myself with either hand or vibrator does no good any longer. I'm so confused and sad. Past relationships have been amazing in the sexual department. All guys around my age can keep up (for the most part).

I don't know. I feel like I'm babbling and I'm getting off topic. I wish there was a way to lower my libido. It's distracting and puts pressure on our relationship. I'm glad there are other women out there who I can relate to. And for all the men who have posted who are dealing with the same sexual issues we are: MORE OF YOU NEED TO EXIST. lol

There is no solution. I have looked all over the Internet. If you are a woman with a higher sex drive than your partner then too bad, it sucks to be you.

Either live with it or leave. He won't change if he thinks he is getting as much as he requires. Don't feel like there is anything wrong with you because there most likely isn't.

My finance after 3-4 days or a week on average will start to get severely depressed and whiny about not having sex. The way she acts about it / approaches it is a huge turn off and I'm starting to subconsciously forget about having sex with her. It is not intentional but I notice the signs when they happen.

I feel the root cause is that she needs to be more confident and sexy about her approach because right now all I keep hearing is crying. I am 26 years of age. She is 21. I find her very attractive but when she acts like this I forget about all the good things.

Thankfully this article reassures me that I am not strange and do not have a sex addiction problem. My boyfriend and I don't have a perfect relationship but I know my issues have stemmed from the lack of intimacy. So I'm the selfish and insensitive one? for an attractive woman like myself it angers me to be rejected. Makes me want to leave him often. Then I'm told that's all I care about. Well if this were true, I would be long gone. I just don't know how long I'm willing to wait till things get back to where they were before. But I'm willing to try everything possible because my God it was great once. I just fear I will wait too long and end up with no happy ending, old and alone.

I honestly thought I was alone on this. I'm 27 and have lately felt like I've been in a deep depression over this.

I went into my relationship (3 years it will be in April) knowing that I found my soulmate who also was overly active in a sexual manner thinking this would be okay. Now that he has moved in with me, regardless of so many advances made toward him I feel that "rejected" feeling.

I have discussed it with him and it's like I'm lost when I do so. We used to have sex constantly but now he can discuss being aroused n whatnot n it ends up NOWHERE.

I feel like its almost starting to affect every part of the relationship because it almost makes me feel unwanted. It's a little better knowing I'm not the only one feeling this way.

I just wish I could shut the emotion part of it off. It scares me because I love him so much but the lack of sex just kind of makes me feel unwanted to a degree, and I don't want it to fall apart because of that.

It is amazing to me that so many others have this issue!! I am a 66 yr old female who has been living with my 69 yr old male partner for 7 years. When we first met, we had sex a lot, which was great with me!! Then all of a sudden, one night when I put my arms around him, he unexpectedly said "just back off a little", and I was so hurt and taken aback, I have rarely ever initiated sex since then.

This was in the first year we were living together, so that has been about 6 years of not nearly enough sex. It just keeps dwindling down, now I 'm lucky if we have sex once every couple months. I am not at all satisfied with this, and have brought it up from time to time, but nothing ever changes. Also, the first year or so of our relationship (we met about 10 months before I moved in), he showed himself to be a very skilled and satisfactory lover, knowing all the right moves, and using them.

He never had a problem getting an erection, and says he loves me and finds me attractive. I don't think there is anything that can be done about any of this now, but I really miss how we were the first couple years. And it isn't like we were all that young then, either. Just adding my tale to others.

I feel for all of you folks who are feeling rejected, as I know what you mean. I try not to focus on it, but I am still alive here, and miss that special connection of sex with someone you love. We are both fit and active, and attractive (if I do say so) and still employed in professional positions. I find myself second guessing what it is in me that has made him not have the desire for me any more, though I know it probably isn't me at all.

At this point, I have pretty much made up my mind that it isn't going to change or get much better. I do use a vibrator from time to time to help myself, but as many have noted, it is a poor substitute. Ah well, best of luck to all in getting your needs met.

I'm going through the same things at the moment, and I still feel alone, as i have only just turned 20.

I'm in a happy relationship with a 24 year old, but things get so hard for both of us, because I will want sex, and try to initiate, and I'm comtinuesly getting rejected. This then makes me frustrated, upset and angry. I'm usually in tears because I feel unattractive, or unloved. I cant deal with this rejection anymore.

I NEED to get rid of my sex drive. It's making me so confused and unhappy. I've tried taking antidepressants to get rid of it, but i ended up having other side effects and my sex drive was no different. I'm feeling confused, and depressed. I'm even getting paranoid about his sexuality because of how much affection he shows to other men rather than me.

We've talked about it many times, but things aren't changing. Someone please give me some tips, or have a great solution.

So my husband and I have been married almost 5 years now. We are both very religious people, and as we believe it is wrong to have sex before marriage we waited until we were married. We discussed all aspects of sex before marriage including porn use (none allowed) and masturbation (none solo), but sex drive is hard to quantify for two virgin people.

I by and far have the stronger sex drive. I want it daily but I think he would have sex quarterly, if it was up to him, and other than the honeymoon period of a month when we were close to daily, it had been once a week. However in the last year it has crept more towards once or twice a month. We are still talking to figure out a good level for our relationship. Ironically, he is extremely intimate, we are always hugging and cuddling, and he gives me massages, and we often lay naked together.

I truly believe that in any relationship there will be compromises. You are taking two different people and trying to form one relationship. As such, sex is one of those that requires compromise for most couples. If there is true affection and desire for the other person's happiness, then you can handle having sex a little less often than you would like, or a little more often. I strongly disagree with several comments about get a divorce and move on. There is no perfect mate, and there will always be compromising. Unless there is abuse or one of the spouse has checked out of the relationship and is no longer willing to work on the relationship, I see no reason to try 'greener pastures'.

Here's the rub for me. If the man in the relationship has the higher sex drive, well it's pretty easy for a woman to participate in sex. Yes it takes energy, but depending on position, she doesn't have much she needs to do, and if necessary can even fake an orgasm. The vice versa is not equal. When the woman has the higher sex drive she has to excite the man sufficient to get an erection. Heterosexual sex doesn't work well without an erection! :-) Thus the disadvantage!

How does a man, who wants to give sex more often perform? He doesn't! He knows his body is too tired, or that JR won't be performing that night. So rather than being embarrassed when Jr doesn't activate, he says no. Woman feels rejected, and man (should) feels horrible for making her feel that way! Thus start of the ugly cycle, she feels worse and pulls away, and he feels worse and has even lower libido, she only makes half hearted requests, because it doesn't hurt so bad when he says no...again! He has even less excitement to get Jr up. He requests that he initiates all sex and further hurts woman, and so on!

My suggestion: have a long talk, discuss porn use, masturbation, frequency of sexual desire, how often does each person think of sex, sexual orientation, ect. Then try to find a mid ground.

For my husband and I it has been weekly, way less for me, and way more for him. Then commit fully to uphold that. Don't go looking for other paths. If I need something more, then he pleasures me with his hands, and the same can work the other way. In my opinion, everything sexual should be done together. Even if only one is being pleasured due to lack of interest from the other. That way I am still feeling loved and treasured by my husband and not turning to a vibrator, porn or another person while he is out watching TV or out at the office or whatever! That way it is still a 'couple event' and still building our relationship. Then next week or next month sit down and talk again. How is it working? How do both feel? And make adjustments accordingly. Most likely you won't strike the perfect balance the first time, and needs and desires change, as does health.

A piece of advice that I found. The classical path to sex follows these 4 steps: 1. Sexual thought: this can be seeing your spouse in a sexual way, a fantasy, or some other sexual trigger. 2. Sexual desire: the thought triggers feelings in you body making you want sex. 3. The sexual act/release whether by masturbation or by intercourse, it's some kind of release. 4. The let down (I can't remember the technical term) where your body relaxes after the release. A lot of people follow this path and it is what Hollywood teaches. Woman walks in with a lacy lingerie on, man gets excited they have sex.

However there is evidence some people do not follow this in order, they mix up 1 and 2. In other words seeing an image or hearing something flirtatious or seductive, doesn't get them going. However if a sexual feeling is aroused then the sexual desire can be triggered, and the following steps ensue! I would suggest this might be some of the guys who don't have a problem with Jr, but just never are in the mood, tired, etc.

In other words we call it the five minute rule. Because my husband has some erectile dysfunction due to medical problems it doesn't work for me every time. But the five minute rule is that the person that is wanting sex is given 5 minutes by the non interested partner to sexually arouse them. Whether nibbling on ears, touching genitals, massages, whatever the partner likes. If after 5 minutes they still are too tired for sex, then some personalized pleasuring may be in order and sex can wait a day or few hours. (However I wouldn't over use this, only when you really need sex!) I think you would be surprised how responsive the other person can become.

Another suggestion for the spouse that has the higher sex drive. Figure out your triggers and get rid of them. For me it is a hot scene, either on TV or in a movie. For my dad it was certain songs on the radio. As he avoided listening to that his libido dropped making it more manageable for mom!! Same for me. Would I like sex daily? Yes, but without my triggers it is much easier to be satisfied by weekly. Which makes me and my husband much happier. Like I said compromise, he still would prefer four times a year.

I am no expert, but there didn't seem to be many suggestions on here, only vents. So I thought I would share a few. And as some others said, this is as important to work on openly as money, children, keeping the house clean, any subject in a relationship. If you are willing to put time into those aspects, then put time into your sex life. I honestly thought it would just 'happen' and the first year was miserable!!!! Reading some of your posts brought those feelings back, and it is heart wrenching. But since my husband and I talk about it openly and frankly, and are getting to the point of scheduling it, we have both been MUCH happier with our sex life!! Make the commitment and you'll be happier too, if your partner is willing to work on it too!

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