Q. I have a problem and I don't know where to turn. My partner and I don't have sex very often anymore. We have been together for over five years.
I became depressed because of work, family and medical issues but worked through it with his help. He is a great man and I love him more than anything. The problem is that we only have sex three times a month if I’m lucky.
He says it’s not me, but rather that he is under stress from work, family and friends. Is there anything a woman can do to slow down her sex drive? I love this man and will do anything for him, even give up sex if I must.
A. It should not be necessary to give up sex. According to Dr. Ruth Westheimer, a difference in sex drive between two partners is not unusual. She suggests that in a loving relationship, one partner can help the other achieve sexual satisfaction even without intercourse.
Couples counseling can be helpful. He may need a medical checkup to rule out problems with low testosterone. If he is heavy, weight loss may help. A new study suggests that overweight men may have hormonal imbalances that diminish sex drive (Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism, April, 2009).
No drugs are approved for lowering libido, but many antidepressants have this effect. So does the herb vitex (chaste tree berry).