Q. I’m a 26-year-old female in a committed relationship with a man I am deeply in love with and have been for two years. I’ve always had a healthy sex drive, but now I’m concerned.
In the beginning we had a very active and passionate sex life, but as time goes by he seems less and less interested. For a while I think he had sex with me just to keep me happy, and now he ignores my advances. I know we won’t have sex several times a day like we did in the beginning, but I don’t know why we can’t do it several times a week.
I used to send him sexy text messages throughout the day so that when he got home he’d be excited. Now if I do that he doesn’t respond. I’ve tried to spice things up–toys, videos, you name it, I’ve tried it all, but nothing works.
Sex is one thing I truly enjoy. Having good sex relaxes me, relieves stress and allows me to sleep through the night, which I can’t do on my own.
He’s gained a lot of weight, but he’s a really great guy and I have no desire to look elsewhere. Talking doesn’t work as he ignores my questions. I don’t know what to do.
A. Many people mistakenly believe that men always have stronger sex drives than women. But according to Irwin Goldstein, MD, editor-in-chief of The Journal of Sexual Medicine, up to one fourth of women have more interest in sex than their male partners.
Counseling for the two of you is the best place to start. Even if he is reluctant, you should seek guidance on your own. Your partner should also have his hormone levels checked, since low levels of testosterone are associated with being overweight and can reduce libido.
Sex expert Dr. Ruth Westheimer told us that when couples have different levels of interest, a partner can help the other achieve orgasm, even if he isn’t in the mood for intercourse.
We interviewed both experts on our radio show, The People’s Pharmacy. For an hour-long CD on this topic, please order show # 680.
