Q. I have a much higher sex drive than my partner. He is in his late 30s, while I am in my mid 20s. I would prefer to have sex every couple of days while he is fine with having it once every week and a half.
I find it difficult to deal with this situation because I feel that it's not normal for me, a woman, to have the higher sex drive. I worry that I might make sex seem like a chore to my partner if I ask him to have it with me more often. I often wish that I could take medication that would lower my sex drive so that I could be happier.
A. We consulted two of the country’s leading sex experts about the concerns you raise. Dr. Ruth Westheimer suggested that your partner could help you achieve sexual satisfaction even if he isn’t in the mood for intercourse.
Irwin Goldstein, MD, editor-in-chief of The Journal of Sexual Medicine, pointed out that you are not unusual. In focus groups it was discovered that 25 percent of women often have a higher sex drive than their male partners.
It may be worthwhile for your partner to have a medical workup and have his hormonal levels checked to make sure everything is within normal limits. Dr. Goldstein mentioned that there is an experimental drug that may improve libido for both men and women called flibanserin. The FDA is expected to review it during the next year.
There are no approved drugs to lower libido. However, the herb vitex (chaste tree berry) may reduce sex drive.