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Seeking Ways To Suppress Sex Drive

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Check your email and chances are you will find spam. Even with a filter to block out unwanted messages, some junk slips through. These ads frequently offer to enhance your sex life.

But what if you don't want a more active sex life? We frequently hear from women who would prefer to dampen their partners' desire: "Can saltpeter lower a man's sex drive? If not, is there a natural herb that will?"

Saltpeter (potassium nitrate) has been used in fertilizer and fireworks. It was also used at one time to cure meats. Although it has a reputation for lowering libido, this is a myth. Potassium nitrate could be dangerous if consumed, however. It can cause kidney damage or anemia as well as headaches and digestive distress.

As for natural herbs to reduce libido, there is only one we know of. It is chaste tree berry (Vitex agnus-castus). This herb was known as "monk's pepper" and was purportedly used to dampen libido in the Middle Ages.

Women aren't the only ones who are interested in suppressing sex drive. One reader recently contacted us with this question: "I desperately need your help. Neither my primary doctor nor my psychiatrist is interested, so I turn to you.

"What can I take to reduce my libido? I have a lovely wife who for the last seven years has not been interested. She is the only person in my life. Your input on this would help keep me from driving myself nuts as well as her. I'm currently taking lithium, sertraline, lorazepam and trazodone. After the ridicule both doctors put me through, I certainly hope you can help."

Your physicians should not be giving you any grief, especially since the combination of medicines you are taking could be hazardous. What's more, trazodone may be aggravating your situation.

Ask a urologist or a specialist in sexual medicine whether a medication for prostate enlargement might be safe for you. Drugs such as Avodart or Proscar can sometimes lower libido as a side effect. That is because they block the conversion of testosterone to dihydrotestosterone (DHT).

Progesterone is another hormonal treatment that may be useful in suppressing sexual interest. This drug does have numerous side effects, however, so you will need to discuss it in detail with your physician. The herb Vitex appears to have a mild, progesterone-like effect and may be safer.

Counseling is essential, regardless of drug treatment. Although your wife is not interested, physical intimacy is usually part of a wholesome relationship. Invite your wife to join you in therapy with an expert who specializes in human sexuality.

We would like to send you a CD of a recent hour-long radio show interview we did with one of the country's leading experts in sexual medicine. Irwin Goldstein, MD, is Director of Sexual Medicine at Alvarado Hospital in San Diego and Editor-in-Chief of the Journal of Sexual Medicine. During the interview, he addressed problems of both high and low libido as well as erectile dysfunction and other sexual problems.

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I'm a guy, I'm a chef, so I work long hours. I love my girl friend sooooo much. I'm 19 so I'm probably going through my height in sexual wantingness...sorry don't know the word...she is 19 as well and well she doesn't feel like it as much as I do. She's a chef as well...

All the above info taken into consideration I need something safe and effective to lower my libido because we talk and sometimes fight about how I want it so much... I don't want it to ruin the relationship cause I want to marry her 1 day... please I need something... I'm fit and work hard but I cant keep it down!... please some advice

This story mentions options for men; are the same ones effective for women?? Are there different ones? My new girlfriend has an extremely high sex drive (yes, I am truly blessed), but we are not in a hurry to take that step until we know that we have a future and yes, maybe even wait until marriage so that there is something special about being married. Any help is appreciated.

As I'm sure you have heard this problem in the past I'll make it short and simple. Shortly after the birth of our second child, my wife had an abnormal pap smear and had to have a biopsy. Since this time she has had no sex drive. Could this be medical or emotional? She says she has no desire to have sex at all, and if I bring up intimacy she gets upset. Can you please help me, I have been dealing with this problem alone and had no one to turn to, thank you.

hi i have extra sex drive, looking to reduce it as it affects my studies

I am one of those women men wish for (very attractive with a very high libido)... but be careful what you wish for! I cannot seem to find a suitable male who does not wain with the acceptable amount of sex for me after that 3-6 month initial dating period. My desire remains very high (for a woman - with 2 young children) at 3-4 times a week.

I've been sexually deprived (2-3xs a month for the 20 years of my marriage) and not found a boyfriend who matches me since my husband's death 8 years ago ... yes I'm in my 40ty's and no slowing down ...

So how do I slow me down??? The last guy is accusing me of treating him like a prostitute. He likes to be kissed and touched and flondles me but I"m not supposed to want anything out of it! Then once he does want sex (every 2 weeks) ... I get crazy cus then I want it again the next day and the day after, etc. It's like giving a heroine addict heroine just a little once or twice a month and then saying ... sorry no more for you. It's torture.

So how do I stop wanting it? What do I take - I need it or I'll not ever have a normal relationship, please.
Shoulda been an Escort

I am married to a woman that has very low sex drive. I believe that I have done a lot to sexually please her, from great back rubs to extremely good orgasims that make her see double, yet she has said that sex is boring to her. Therefore, my only choice is to either find a girl friend or find a drug that reduces my sex drive.

I'm so very confused, maybe you can help me understand. I'm a 26 year old female in a committed relationship with a man I am deeply in love with and have been for two years. I've always had what i thought was a healthy sex drive, but now I'm concerned that it's not healthy. In the beginning we had a very active and passionate sex life, but as time goes by he seems less and less interested. For awhile I think he had sex with me just to keep me happy, and now he just ignores my advances. We've been together long enough that he knows when I'm trying. 90% of the time I'm the one that initiates sex. It's hard for me because I am so very sexually attracted to him, so much so that I have never turned him down. I know that we are not going to have sex several times a day like we did in the beginning, but I don't know why we can't do it several times a week. Most men that i have talked to wish their wives would give it to them half as much.

Sex is one thing that I truly enjoy doing. I have some painful health issues one being Fybro. and having good sex relaxes me, relieves stress, and allows me to sleep through the night which I can't do on my own. He's gained a considerable amount of weight but he has always been a big man, he's always been self conscious of his body. He rarely takes all of his clothes off in front of me. I, don't mind, and I'm always supportive of his physically appearance. I on the other had have not changed a bit. I'm the same size I was when we meet.

I try to spice things up, keep things interesting but my advances are not well received. I dress up and he acts like he doesn't know what that means. I used to send him sexy text messages through out the day as for play so that when he got home he'd be excited. Now if I do that he doesn't respond. Toys, videos, cameras, you name it I've tried it all.

I've tried talking about it with him and he ignores my questions. I really don't know what to do. I'm turned on if he touches me and it has really started to make me feel undesirable. The flipside to that is people constantly tell me how attractive I am. I wish that I didn't like sex then there would be no problems. He's not very good with affection or expressing emotion but he really is a great guy.

I still have needs and I have no desire to look elsewhere but I don't know what to do. Where can this herb be found.

I am a 43 year old man. Very fit marathon wannabe runner. I am married to the most wonderful, sexy woman in the world (sorry guys, I found her). We have three kids and we both work very hard at parenting and family stuff, but she's no longer interested in the marrage things. Her libido is below zero. Oh yes, that's right! Avoidance measures. I see zero as couldn't be bothered, but she's into making things happen so that sex is not possible. Eg picking a fight before bed. Pretending to be asleep when I touch her, etc.

I'm at my wit's end, and I want not to want her so much. Sounds wrong doesn't it, but I wish I hated sex as much as she does. It's so tragic.

I have spent today on the net instead of working, just looking for a cure for my desire that dosn't include cheating on this wonderful godess whom I adore.
Is there something I can take? I read licorice was worth a try, so I bought 500 grams and ate the lot.

Hope it works. Knowing my luck she'll want some tonight, but I doubt that.

I need something, or I'm going to go crazy and drive her away with my nagging. Or I'll cheat on her and die of the shame, or she'll find out and leave me.
Help help help.

Please tell me the side effects of anaphrodisiac and vitex.. Are there two different kinds of anaphrodisiacs for males and females? I am a male.. Thanks a ton.

I have been with my wife for 3 years now, but we have only been married 11 months. We have one child; she is 2 months old. I love my wife with all of my heart. And even after 3 years, I still think she is the most beautiful women on earth, and I'm very lucky to have her as a wife.

We have our normal marriage fusses every once in a while, but when we really fight it's about sex. I have an extremely high sex drive, and my wife likes sex with me, but she doesn't like that I want it all the time. I knew it was a problem from the start, but I always said I would get better about it, and I usually do for a little while. But then I find myself right back where I was, aggravating her for sex (me knowing if I will just not ask her for it, she will want and ask me for it and it will be much better), but most of the time I can't do that.

I know I have a problem, and I have to fix it one way or another. I love my wife so much, I would do anything in the world for her. I don't want my problem to cause our relationships trouble anymore. Help me if you can.

I am one of those old fashioned men that was brought up believing sex was for after marriage. "For better or worse." I never thought about the possibility my wife would have no sex drive at all. After 21 years of little or no sex, I find myself depressed and empty. I have made so many attempts to help her find some value in it, but she responds with statements like "What if you were paralyzed and could not do it". Many discussions with marriage counselors have revealed my wife has medical and psychological issues that prevent her form having any feelings for it. So what am I to do? Seeking a girlfriend is a ridiculous solution; there are too many potential problems, and dangers. It's also unfair to her and harmful. I have always had a strong drive, but the over past few years it has become stronger, and harder to control... It's tearing me apart, and driving me towards suicide. I just don't know what to do anymore.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. He is the most amazing man I have ever met. We have an incredible relationship. We spend a lot of time together, talk about everything going on in our lives, he supportive, caring and protective of me. I held off sex for the first few months and explained to him that it was important to me that we felt that there was potential for a real relationship before we added that part.

When we do have sex now it it amazing (seems to be for him as well), but it he rarely wants to be with me. I am very attracted to him in every way and think about being with him often. I try not to nag him about, only approaching him about once every two weeks.

I can certainly deal with once a week, but I am often rejected after two weeks of no sex. I have asked him if he is sexually attracted to me. He says he is and that he is just tired or most recently told me that after the last time he was sore for two weeks so he avoided being with me. Was it my initial talk with him that caused this?? I feel like crying over it everyday. I feel unattractive and rejected. Is my sex drive abnormal for a woman? Please help!!

i am a WOMAN with over the top libido. finding out i may have psas--persistant sexual arousal sydrome. after a year of dealing with this (since turning 40) i have found the anti-depressant pristiq has helped immensely, but am still looking to see if there is a natural herb or such that can help.

I am a 20 year old female who has been dating a guy for almost a year now. He is so great and I am head over heels in love with him, but the problem is..obviously...that i want sex way more than he does.

If we EVER bicker or fight,...its about sex and me wanting it and him rejecting it. i initiate sex about 97% of the time. We have sex about 2-5 times a week... but every time i see him i get so...aroused. what do i do? what can i take? If I'm in the mood and he isn't, i just turn to the chocolate icing in the freezer and suck on that for awhile. it isn't the healthiest choice...but it sure helps...kinda...well...not really i guess.

Is she,by any chance, taking Premarin? When my doctor put me on Premarin I had the same problem. I stopped taking it and the problem cleared up by itself.

Seeing so many of the comments here definitely makes me feel less alone with our problem.

We have two kids, and we are both close to 40. The problem is that my wife's sex drive has dropped maybe once a month, and I could be intimate 2-3 times a day. To me she never wants sex, to her I always want sex.

The strain of this is tearing apart our marriage. My high sex drive is a curse and it's tearing us apart.

I too had a very active libido to the point of ruining one marriage of 12 years and almost my second marriage of 10 years. My present wife doesn't want sex but maybe 2 times a month sometimes even longer. I began taking siterone (anti androgen about 10 months ago) and things are great. I don't think about sex and if my wife is in the mood I can still function. In fact my orgasms are even better. do some research on chemical castration as there are several options. If you do take this route you will need to be under a doctors supervision as there can be some unwanted side effects.
Good luck all

For "I am one of those old fashioned men that was brought up believing sex was for after marriage."

SO sorry to hear your troubles. Suicide is not an answer. It is not your sex drive that is making you this miserable it is the fact that you may be married to someone you are not compatible with who has psychological issues you were not aware of. This is the danger in marrying some one before you fully know them. While I don't advocate sleeping around I feel a sexual relationship is necessary in a long term committed relationship (marriage license or not) and you must have had a serious long term relationship before you can know that you should marry.

A persons sexual identity is no less a part of them then any other part you need to be familiar with before trying to commit to a lifetime together. To be fair I have no doubt she did know know this part of her self either. If you have tried counseling and she is not willing to compromise or you guys are just not compatible then why not get a divorce and move on with your lives.

Medication to sabotage your sex drive and health to compensate for her psychological issues or medical issues is not fair to you and not a realistic answer. I would suggest finding a women you can be happy with you for many years in all respects and then once you have found her and been together for at least 5 years marry her and you will likely be together happily for the rest of your lives.

Romantic relationships are just deep loving friendships made intimate by sex.

i dont know if i'm alone with how my sex drive is. ok my sex drive is strong ,only thing is it will fall down after just a minute or 2 like turning off like a switch. whats so troubling is it will turn back on after like 5 or 10 minutes. needless to say it really does drive me crazy in the head!! i sure do need some kind of help and dont know where to turn to, if its cheaper to turn it off completely with some kind of herbs then lets do it !! so i can keep my mind intact if its not to late!! please help me!!!!!!!!!!!

I am forty-five years old and my husband is fifty-one. We have been married almost 25 years. I need sex everyday. He is happy to make love only once or twice a week. I need something to diminish my libido, because he complains that all I think about is sex and I am afraid that he's going to move out of our bed. He was my first and has been my only man and I still love him like I did when I first fell in love with him. I also find him irresistible.

Wow. I googled 'ways to suppress sex drive' and hit this URL. I am like many people on here, same thing. Love my wife and kids, everything is good except sex. In fact that is great too..when we do it. But nowadays it can go over a month without us having it as she has a lower drive than me. Have talked about it lots..but well we just have a different level, and I guess that's that. For me sex even once a week would be quite nice. Sigh.
Quite saddened by the comments of the people above, I really feel for you, and understand what your going through, I am annoyed by TRs comments though. He or she persists with this la-de-da romantic view that if you are incompatible you should just seek someone who is compatible. That's just great (sarcasm intended) - never mind the kids - who cares about them, it's all about personal fulfillment at all cost!
Never mind that you may love your wife (like I do), and that you are just held a hostage by your hormones - which are in themselves chemicals - that you have no control over.
Personally if there was something I could buy and take that would make me not want to have sex or at least be in control of my sex drive (LOL me who wants it once a week maybe) that would be great.

Wow. I googled 'ways to suppress sex drive' and hit this URL. I am like many people on here, same thing. Love my wife and kids, everything is good except sex. In fact that is great too..when we do it. But nowadays it can go over a month without us having it as she has a lower drive than me. Have talked about it lots..but well we just have a different level, and I guess that's that. For me sex even once a week would be quite nice. Sigh.
Quite saddened by the comments of the people above, I really feel for you, and understand what your going through, I am annoyed by TRs comments though. He or she persists with this la-de-da romantic view that if you are incompatible you should just seek someone who is compatible. That's just great (sarcasm intended) - never mind the kids - who cares about them, it's all about personal fulfillment at all cost!
Never mind that you may love your wife (like I do), and that you are just held a hostage by your hormones - which are in themselves chemicals - that you have no control over.
Personally if there was something I could buy and take that would make me not want to have sex or at least be in control of my sex drive (LOL me who wants it once a week maybe) that would be great.

Hi folks, i've been reading the posts with great interest. It's great to know i'm not the only guy with this problem. I suppose it could be summed up by a popular joke about the subject over here in Ireland that goes like this, " In Ireland girls use sex to get married & guys use marriage to get sex".

I feel that the bit about the girls certainly applies to my marriage for the past 3 years. I would never have thought that a woman could turn off sex so much, but it's reached the point with me that i feel when we do spend about 10 mins at sex once every 5 or 6 weeks, she is just allowing me to do it to her rather than the 2 of us enjoying the act.

I don't know about you guys, but that's not what i want from a marriage, i can buy that down town any night I want to. I really don't want to try the obvious solution of having a sex partner outside but would gladly give my right arm for the name of a drug or something to kill my sex drive down to the level of my wife.

I firmly believe that it is a violation of the marriage covenant to not reach a consensus on the intimacy issue. The contract of marriage, is, to a certain extent, created to lighten the often constant sexual tension and help us enjoy a physical relationship with a safe, loving, trustworthy partner—“within the bonds of marriage”.

The spouse who refuses to participate in physical intimacy is putting the other partner in literal DANGER—by creating a situation of vulnerability; causing their thoughts to become obsessed with what is being withheld, the enticement of pornography, the temptation of an unwanted affair, and the build-up of resentment and anger—which over many years can result in various health problems.

The only FAIR way to handle this if one partner desires it every day and the other needs it once a month, is for both partners to adapt to a bit less or a little more than they actually want—i.e. maybe to 1-2 times each week—and NEVER—or very seldom—should either partner refuse.

The person who needs it more has got to KNOW he/she can trust the other partner to freely give intimacy—and the person who needs it less has got to KNOW he/she wont be expected to give more than what is agreed on.

(Btw--Good luck getting the one who wants it less to actually follow through; my husband will not agree to a “fair” balance; and several girlfriends refuse to even discuss such an agreement with their “hungry hubbys”).

I am a fairly attractive, young-looking 52-year old woman with a husband of 32 years and 5 adult children. I love my husband very much. I too have a high libido and, except for the first couple of years of marriage, my husband has not been interested in sex.

When we dated and married, he couldn't keep his hands off of me. I thought we were the perfect sexually-compatible couple. At one point he asked if I would always be there when he needed intimacy. I told him I would NEVER refuse intimacy to him. I kept that promise until about a year and a half ago when he finally approached me after yet another extended time period--I thought I would give him a taste of his own medicine and say no. Big mistake—he didnt beg or get mad or anything--didn't seem to hurt him at all--he just rolled over and went to sleep . So I lost out again…I wish I had exacted that same promise from HIM! I would never have thought his appetite would go away.

As for me, the attraction to my husband has NEVER gone away. I just wish I knew if it is due to something about ME—or if it is a disorder in HIM.

I have spent nearly 30 years quietly crying myself to sleep while clinging to the edge of the bed while he rolled over and went to sleep. Waiting, waiting; day after day, week after week, month after month—and finally, the entire year of 2008—with not one overture from him.

My attempts at initiating have gone badly, so I do not submit myself to the humiliation anymore. He nearly freaked out the first time I approached him years ago--my subsequent attempts have been refused for 3 decades. Some caveman instinct within him must think I am stepping out of my place by daring to initiate.

Actual Comments upon my initiating intimacy:

“I go to bed to sleep.” (not to read, not to talk, not to make love)

“I am too tired.” (staying up on the computer night after night, but cant take a few minutes for me).

“I love you but—dont take this personally—I am not attracted to you.” (not take personally? How?)

“I never heard of a woman who liked sex--you must be some sort of nymphomaniac.” (gee, thanks)

“My wife has more of a sex drive than I do”. (tells this to all his friends, so I get leered at frequently)

“This is abnormal for a woman to want sex so much”. (I think he is stuck somewhere in the 1800s)

I am utterly dependent on his whims—IF he ever decides to participate. It almost seems like a passive resistant behavior.

I have gone through many of the thoughts expressed in this blog—in desperation 22 years ago, I asked my doctor about libido suppressants and he nearly laughed his head off; he said I had “one lucky husband” to have a wife who liked sex. No help there.

I have figured out a few ways to handle this after eons of resentment, anger, fighting, crying bitterly, and useless discussions over the unfairness of it and trying to reach a compromise he refuses to honor.

I prayed and prayed to God to please take away these feelings of desire for him. I have come to a tentative point of acceptance (or denial!). It is not as hard to handle anymore. Maybe it is because of menopause hitting me. But especially if I can distract my mind enough and make a point of not ruminating on the unfairness of it, I do ok.

I spend a LOT of time reading in bed to distract my mind while he sleeps--and I frequently sleep on the couch to avoid his tempting physical presence. It helps take away the longing for him.

Thanks for this blog. I really did not know so many others suffer with this frustrating situation.

May God bless you and reach into your heart and life to give you strength to continue being faithful to your wonderful families in spite of this difficulty.

I fall into the female part of this discussion... You always hear from guys that they would love a girl like me, but put it into practice and you find out quickly that this just isn't true. I have had a high sex drive since I hit puberty and never found anyone to match it. I have been with the same man for almost 12 years, and it has always been the same - I am the initiator (95% of the time) and the sorely disappointed (90% of the time) night after night. I spend too many nights crying, feeling unattractive, and listening to snores come from the other side of the bed.

Other than this, we get along well, have similar or complementary interests and have established a good home. The biggest problem - we are both only ~30 - I love my husband, but I don't know if I can deal with this for the rest of my life! I am looking for a way to change my sex drive because the rejection is killing me...

I know what works. My sex drive is out of control and it is a huge waste of my time and threatening my relationship because I have to go outside for what I need. Several years ago I used spironolactone to turn it down and I am about to do the same again. It works very well but it also lowers blood pressure so the only down side is the occasional dizziness

You lucky people with too much libido. You could have ED instead. Caused by any number of legal pharmaceuticals. See: for a list. HCTZ is the one which reduced me from twice a week to zero in 60 days.

I'm a bit of an oddball. I'm a 19 year old male, I don't have a girlfriend (and never had), I never had sex before and generally my libido was comparable with that of a 100 year old man. Until now. A few months ago, I started feeling insanely horny, something that would not normally happen to me. Worse, I get an erection every time I look at a woman.

I know what you're all gonna say- it's a normal thing but no, for me it isn't. I was never interested in sex and I liked it that way. I have lead a peaceful and non-stressing life. However now, my sex drive is driving me insane and it's ruining my life. My doctors keep telling me it's a "natural thing" but I keep telling them I don't want that "natural" thing- It's a road to nowhere.

I need someone who can point me in the right direction in my war against my animal needs. HEEEELP!!!!

It is not that simply Gil when you deeply love someone... Be respectful and informed yourself about syndromes women may not even know they have... This new syndrome which scientists are studying only for the last six years so not much is known and many women do not report it yet. And these are real people, these are couples who love each other and would love to make it work...

Oh my god i know how that feels. I have a normal to moderate sex drive but my boyfriend never wants to have sex at this point. Because i love him i just want my sex drive to go away.. it's not worth worrying about anymore.

i just feel defeated when on the two occations a week i try and get him in the mood he's to tired or is too into his book or just not in the mood to do it.

Getting rejected all the time sucks and i just want to quit.

This is the girl that put up how her boyfriend never wants sex because he's too busy with books, the history channel or just not in the mood. The saddest part of my story is he's 24 and i just turned 22 so this really sucks for me because were down to sex maybe once every two weeks and it makes me worried that in a years time he won't want it at all.

I brought the same issue to my husband. I gave the him the ultimatum that if he is not attracted to me that I love him enough to let him go to persue what does. I too get plenty of attention from even attractive strangers. It is hurtful when your eyes and other senses are focused on one person, but if their affections are not returned. I felt he deserved to feel what I feel for him. I also felt I deserved someone who returned my feelings. I felt embarrased having to bring up the issue. I felt like if he did start to return my attraction it would be out of obligation.

He assures me he is deeply in love with me and did not realize what he was doing. I will give him the chance to be what I need, but if the behavior continues, I will have to ask him to remain friends instead so I won't have to expect anything else.

In regards to the women's high libidos, I thought it was only me. I am 24, in love with an awesome man of the same age. We have our differences, but he is definitely my 80% (see: 80/20 rule). The sex thing is almost killing me, though! Sometimes I have literally tried to rape the man. Most of the times, when I do initiate, I get rejected. When he does oblige, he has the attitude of, "Ok, c'mon, let's get it over with." So many times I just thought he was cheating, but I know my boyfriend and he's just not into sex like I am. Apparently, this has been a recurring problem in all his previous relationships as well. And, he also has Bi-Polar disorder, so the condition in combination with his meds probably don't help. But that doesn't make me feel any better. I try my hardest to be understanding, but I have never felt so unattractive, so undesirable and so rejected when it comes to my sexuality. I am the type of woman that could do it everyday, but I was willing to compromise 1-2 times a week. We tried to agree on it, but he won't even do that! So, I am so depressed and I have given up. I want to find some type of supplement to lower my sex drive, because I know he is a good man, and sex alone is not worth giving him up for. Yes, it is unfair that I have to repress my sexuality, and yes I do know that sexuality is an important part of a relationship but I am choosing to stay with him.

The question is, how long will this last? Forever? We are not married, but I was hoping that we could be one day. It's not like the sex would be any more frequent. I have countless thoughts of sex with other men now, be it my exes or some some unnamed fantasy guy. I feel so guilty for thinking this way while laying beside him, but it's the only way I can cope. I am just trying to prevent those fantasies from becoming a reality. All of my exes keep in touch with me and they proclaim how they still fantasize about my sexual skill...they still desire me. And even though I have no true interest, it feels nice to be desired.

As for the guy that spoke of suicide, I feel your pain. I do not plan on killing myself, but sometimes I have been so depressed where I do contemplate it.

I'm a twenty one year old male, so yeah, it's normal for me to have a high sex drive. But I want sex five or six times a day, and going without causes me to have panic attacks, hallucinations, hear voices and such.

I would like to have a normal relationship with my partner who has a cycle, where she'll want it as much as I do for a day, maybe two, then not want it at all for up to three months. I need an easy way to suppress my sex drive. It's killing me. Literally.

I am 51 and my husband is 45. We have a great marriage except for one thing. He wants sex everyday! He gets hurt very easily if I am not in the mood (I have fibromyalgia and had a hysterectomy 2 years ago). Usually I go through the motions just to satisfy him. I will also make the first move just so he knows I still love and want him.

I would not mind once or twice a week but everyday is killing me. Plus he is laid off and has nothing better to do! Is there anything to lower his sex drive just a little? He will not see a doctor and would be pissed if I brought up the subject.

I am dealing with a situation not mentioned here. I have an 82 year old father living in an assisted living facility. He is so vulgar and crude to the ladies working there. He is constantly making sexual remarks and tries to grab these ladies who are helping him. He his fully aware of what he is saying and doing but doesn't seem to care.

It has gotten to the point where the facility is ready to put him out and he has no place to go. And I didn't tell you, my mother is also a resident in the same facility. She is a dementia patient and if he is put out, she will have to go also. Because of their financial situation, if they go to a state run nursing home, the state will take everything thing they have, which isn't much.

I have tried to get his doctor to prescribe him something, but as of yet, he hasn't. Surely there is something that can squelch this behavior.

A lot of different people on here with the same problem. I too have a VERY strong sex drive. My wife suffers from Fibromyalgia, so the sex doesn't happen unless she is having a good day (not very often). Finding a compatible partner to begin with is very important, even though it does not apply to everyone here, and too many people get into relationships too soon to understand the other person's needs fully.

For those of us who started out great and for whatever reason have to change our lifestyles, well I guess we need some type of assistance. Quit feeling sorry for yourselves and accept the fact that life doesn't always give us what we want. I hope you all can find happiness, just reading these posts makes me feel better, at least I can have sex without the aid of a pill, just have to be patient I guess. I truly feel for those of you who are suffering and would recommend that you talk to a professional with or without your lover.

Wow. I can't believe so many others know what this is like. My sex drive is slightly above average. My boyfriends is well below average. Other than the lack of sex my relationship is perfect. I wish this one thing didn't hurt so much. We're both in our mid 30's and healthy. He just doesn't desire sex. Apparently this has been an issue for him before. On average we have sex once every 6 weeks or so. Its driving me crazy. At this point once a week would sound good to me.

It hurts so much to feel so undesired. Even when we do have sex it's only to please me. The sex is really good when it happens. Every time we do I get my hopes up that it'll be more frequent but my hopes are always crushed. Between rejection and knowing sex does so little for him I want to give up. That's why I'm searching for something to kill my sex drive. Never could I have imagined this would be my life.

I'm 44 and have been cursed with an extremely high libido. I could have sex 3 times a day. My wife of 10 years was happy with that at 1st but we now have a 6yr old son and she has a business that eats up all her time and energy. So, now we have sex once a month. Once a week is doable, but once a month is impossible. This has gone on for almost 2 years. I thought as I age my libido would naturally lessen, but I haven't seen that.

I feel like a crazy person! I've always had a high libido and now that I'm slipping into my 30's I feel it's only gotten higher.

Me and my boyfriend have a really healthy sex life. Usually 2-3 times a week, sometimes less, sometimes more. I should be satisfied and I'm not. I know it's not fair for me to expect him to satiate me every time I'm turned on... he would have to quit his job. I just wish that I could get my mind off of sex. I feel like I'm constantly calculating, if not manipulating, our next sexual encounter. And when things don't work out the way I "plan" I'm resentful.

It's mentally exhausting for me and totally unfair to my boyfriend!! I'm sick of wasting my time thinking about sex and yet I can't stop! I'm obsessed! I don't wan to take any mood altering meds because other than my nymphomania I'm a very happy, high functioning lady. I guess I'll just keep trying to check myself, keep myself busy, and hope that over time I'll learn to chill out.

Did you get any good information? I am a girl and trying to figure out how to lower my sex drive.

Thank you,

Well I'm 31 and my boyfriend is 38....we've been dating for 3 months...he used to not be able to get enough of me now I feel like old news. I am a very attractive drool over me all why does the man I love look at me like I'm disgusting?

There are a shit load of natural herbs to increase libido....I ordered him some and he flipped and barely talked to me so I see I have no other option than to kill my sex would be better than hurting myself...the emotional pain and rejection is too much to bear....I guess I can become an alcoholic or take depression pills and be a zombie...these are my options?...screw this.........I need a new boyfriend!...I'm not destroying whats left of me for I need natural herbs to make me stop loving and ungrateful man who obviously has some problems.

I love how they can turn shit around and make u feel like u have the problem when ur a normal 30 yr old healthy beautiful hot woman.....ahhh I see he thinks if he tears me down I won't feel I'm good enuff for someone familiar....sorry dude...I've fallen for this shit a few times.........Not Again!

I thought I was basically alone in this. I'm a 22 yr old female, & i have a very friggin high sex drive. It was never like this before my current b/f, & i just figure it's because we have such a wonderful relationship otherwise. We've been together almost a year. The first few weeks were bliss, where he actually seemed to want to make love with me.

Since that time, we've gone from 4-5 times a week to MAYBE once every 1 1/2 months. He teases the hell out of me, but shoots me down the minute i even try to move it along. I've dolled up, put on my best nightie, lace & all, & when i walked into the room, he didn't even notice. He makes me feel so bad for always wanting it, like i'm some sort of wierdo.

He's 25. This should not be. He says he loves me & that he's still very attracted to me, but there is no proof. He doesn't even try to initiate anything with me & when i do, I'm rejected.

I'm to the point where my ego can't take anymore rejection. I need something to kill my libido.

I'm a male and I know exactly how you feel. I don't know what to do.

Advice for all those seeking to lower sex drive: I find that the euphoria induced by coffee (like espresso) to really help lower sex drive.

But I also find that milk products, especially cheese, increase sex drive.

So stay away from cheese, and drink espresso (with cake on the side).


Thanks to every I'm so relieved to know I'm not he only one with this problem, that in itself is very comforting.

I think for me JP hit the nail on the head with this comment "if not manipulating, our next sexual encounter. And when things don't work out the way I "plan" I'm resentful."

Hope they come up with some sort of safe drug that works to resolve this.

Wow... this is so depressing. I have been with my husband for 6 years. He was my first. For the first year he couldn't get enough of me to the point that I couldn't keep up. Then we were long distance for a while. After that, I found that it was often me going to him and getting rejected. I actually have a diary entry where I was panicking because we hadn't had sex for three days. ha ha ha! if only I'd known! Now it's once a month if I'm lucky, and once over three months without anything at all. Sometimes he won't even let me touch him.

He is the most wonderful person and every other part of our relationship is heaven, except this. He is very loving and affectionate but the sex has disappeared. He was absolutely wild when I met him and the sex is incredible when it happens.

It's breaking my heart. I find myself trying to get male attention elsewhere, which I am ashamed about. I know I would never cheat on my husband, but I just like to be looked at as a woman now and then.

I've reached the point where I am trying to accept that this will be my life. I am 28, we don't have any kids, this should be when we're going crazy on each other. The idea of being in a sexless marriage terrifies me, but I have no choice but to accept it, because I love my husband. I guess you can't have it all...

I have been taking chasteberry capsules for 1.5 months now. It has had some positive side effects like regulating my periods and making PMS less severe, and I am less sensitive sexually. It hasn't really helped with the thoughts of sex.

I wish I could go back to when I was ignorant and didn't think about sex. The array of hobbies and projects I have going as distractors is incredible. If anyone has a solution please help.

It is a breath of fresh air to know that I am not alone.

I am a female who is married to a man that is 20 years my senior and in the beginning things were great but I did notice that he seemed to be a bit uncomfortable after a while when I would make advances at him. I always knew that after a while things would taper off a bit.

My love for him is so profound I'm willing to give up sex all together. He would somehow strongly disagree with this theory and say that I over eggagetate. But, like a lot of the women's comments I read in this blog - when it DOES happen I get real excited and expect it the next day and so on.

I have tried talking to therapist who recommended sex toys. He didn't take that so well. He feels that he is holding me back from "what is really important to me". I don't know about other women, and I am interested to find out but "artificial stimulation" like masturbation and sex toys do nothing for me but intensify my desire for sex. It brings about 5 minutes of relief and then I'm worse off then before I started.

I have looked into Sexaholics annonymous but I don't feel that's quite the way to go. I just want to feel more comfortable in my marriage. I don't want to give him the idea that he has to be a machine or that sex is ALL I think about.

I notice my drive goes thru the roof a few days before my cycle starts (then I know once my cycle starts I'm on an automatic 4 day drout). I know my husband feels bad that he rejects me so often so I have resorted to trying to avoid asking but I find that when he's ready, I pre-expect it to be over fast and I end up eager for more then it's another 2 week wait.

I'd rather just kill my drive all together and then he will see that he means so much more to me. If you have any suggestions, please help.

I'm 29 and I married the most wonderful man. Everything is great with us. He is an amazing guy and I love him so much. I am pregnant with my second child. I have always had a high sex drive, but with pregnancy and hormones it's through the roof.

I know that even after the baby is born it will still be high, since it was like that with my last pregnancy, so I know as soon as I am physically able I will want him again.
I love him so much,but I have spoken to him about this many times, I have felt humiliated asking, always initiating and being rejected hurts so bad.

Is it true that Zoloft will diminish my sex drive? I just want it to go away. I hate crying and feeling horrible because I want him so much and he doesn't want me nowhere near the same amount as I want him. What can I do? Even sleeping on the same bed as him is hard. So I come to bed late or I just sleep somewhere else.

I don't want this to ruin my marriage and I just really want it to go away. Is there anything I can do to make sure that sex is something I can say goodbye to? I have never rejected him, when he actually does want it. But I can't always hope for that. I love how he feels and I am so attracted to him. I really need help so my libido dies or drops to zero. Please help me.

Hi, it helps to know that i am not alone in this predicament. I am a 31yr old woman with a high sex drive. My fiancee and I have been together 4 years and have two beautiful children together so splitting up and finding someone else sexually compatible is not an easy alternative. When we first started dating, it was long distance and so when we saw each other we would have sex several times over a 3 day period. I told him that i had a high sex drive and needed someone who could match me. He told me that he had a high sex drive also,but this has turned out to be the very opposite.

I would happily have sex 2 or 3 times a day, and would cope much better with sex once or twice a week. I am the initiator 99.5% of the time, and 99% of the time the rejected one. On the rare occasion that he actually wants sex, he is drunk and cant find where to put it, been smoking, and hanging out with the boys first. This makes me feel as though he has to get drunk to want to do anything, and that he only gets horny around his mates.

I often think that if i had a penis i would get further. i do not want sex in this situation, but i am so deprived that i end up doing it and feeling absolutely worthless afterwards.

I have tried telling him how much it hurts me when he rejects me and how low my self worth is from this, but he says that he is not rejecting me, not to let it affect me self esteem, that he just doesn't want sex.

When the kids go to bed he gets on the computer for hours chatting to all his friends, i have to go to bed so that i can look after the kids in the morning, when he finally comes to bed, he goes straight to sleep and is snoring within minutes. I end up curled up on my side of the bed bawling my eyes out night after night. He is very tall so we had to get a king sized bed so that his feet wouldn't hang out, so most of the time we wont even touch all night.

I am so depressed, and am going absolutely mental wanting sex. Whats more on the rare occasion that we do it, he is over and done with within the minute and i end up more frustrated than before.

I am getting to the point that i am obsessing about sex all the time and feeling cheated. Whats more we are now in the process of planning our wedding, and i don't even want to because i don't know how much more rejection i can put up with.

I have asked him to see the doctor and see if anything is wrong, and if we can do anything about it but he refuses, and doesn't think anything is wrong with him, in fact he becomes quite angry and we have massive fights over sex.

Please if anyone knows how to reduce a sex drive please reply, i am going out of my mind and our children are being caught in the middle.

To the ladies with "too high" sex drives:

Does your man masturbate? I bet almost every one of them does. They might not admit to it, but you'd probably find porn links on their computers.

I'm not saying this is a bad thing necessarily, but it is selfish of them if they are withholding their desire from their willing, even eager, partner.

AND, if they're fulfilling their sexual tensions, then you should too. "Resorting" to masturbation is not wrong. It is you taking care of your own body. If you have an itch, you scratch it!

If you're lucky, they will be turned on by the passionate sounds you make, and remember how much fun sex can be. And if you're not so lucky, at least you won't feel so badly about your life.

You're not a "nympho" or a "slut". You're a woman with a natural, God-given sexual drive.

Thanks MF. I should have thought of that but you are right... I feel better after hearing some similar stories to my own.

I have never had any problems until now.

I envy all the posters who are married and can live out their sex drives, yet I feel for those who realize that their partners have a different level of sexual drive. I'm 38 years old and unfortunately, I'm not married yet. However, I have a strong desire for sexual fulfillment and intimacy! I think I would be one of the kind of woman who would want it almost every day, but I can't have it right now! Oh how do I wish that there would be an herb that would work for me, and help me to put that to rest while I'm still single!

I can't give you a solution, but I can tell you that you are NOT alone. My ex-husband has no interest in a sexual relationship, and that lack of interest was the reason for our divorce. I was 25 years old when we divorced and he had no interest at all. I read every book imaginable, dragged him to therapists and counselors and in the end it did nothing at all. Most books made me want to cry because they immediately started discussing the "normal" problem of a man's massive sex drive. The arrogance of the male authors was insane! Female authors were even worse.

I don't know how to help you, but I can tell you that you are not alone. I feel your pain, truly. I love my ex-husband with all of my heart and have never dated anyone after our divorce. I know that I am seriously in need of a psychologist right now, and I am quite convinced that I suffer from Depression. However, I made the choice to go back to college after our divorce and lack of finances has kept me from being able to get over these issues.

If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, or some encouragement, just send me a message. Reading your comment, as heartbreaking as it was, did give me a bit of encouragement. I'm not the only one either.

To the guys out there: if you are not interested in sexual activity PLEASE seek help or find a way to allow your partner to move on. This has shattered my life, my self-esteem, my dreams, ect. Stats have shown that women think about sex twice as much each day as most men do. Women also connect sex with security, acceptance and love much more often. If you take the sex away, you rip us apart and leave us feeling totally rejected.

Your post got my attention in a big way. I believe that my wife may feel about me in a similar way that you feel about your husband. I am a 50 year old male and we have been married for almost 22 years. My wife and I had a what might be considered normal sex life for less than 2 years. We are both healthy, fit, and people say, attractive. I offer what may be some insights from a male's perspective.

Coming from divorced parents, I had no relationship training or role models. Until I recently began to read this type of forum, I seriously didn't know that sex is an important part of marriage. Until recently, I am embarrased to admit that I thought men liked sex and women didn't. Men chased, and women were chased. I'm still not inwardly convinced of it being otherwise. (Where the heck did I get these ideas from?) I married a woman who came from an alcoholic family and, as she says, raised her parents and siblings. Neither of us drinks.

When I was young I hated my libido. I saw it as a curse, not a gift. I was afraid of girls. At times, I wished I had the "balls" to ask my doctor for castration, just to remove the discomfort caused by this curse. That's how bad it was. I believed that once I was married though, that this curse would be relieved by regular sex. Boy, was I in for a surprise.

Practically from our wedding day, we were submerged by huge misfortunes and medical problems in the area of intimacy. We were unable to go on a honeymoon even because of my wife's immediate hyperemmis. In sum, there was to be no sex life for me for some time into our marriage.

We had a short time of sex life, between our first and second child, and that was it. I remember that we both seemed to enjoy sex at that time. More hyperemmisis hit and then a sick second child.

It's amazing in retrospect that we both didn't go crazy during those years. Yet my curse continued, sex never being possible because of perpetual exhaustion and my wife being perpetually not in the mood.

I guess my aformentioned philosophy about the chaser and the chasee got in the way of our tiny intimate life during these years. I would feel extremely frustrated when I really wanted sex and she didn't and that was nearly always the case. One evening she blew up. She ranted at me for 1.5 hours, critisizing and condeming every part of me, even parts that I honestly thought were normal about me. She destroyed me, and I let her, knowing that if I didn't let her vent, I would pay more dearly later on (such are her ways.) After all, words can't do that much damage I thought.

Well, wrong again. I was broadsided and saw that my wife had made alot of good points. I had been a selfish slimeball. So I chose to correct this, as I thought at the time, by vowing to myself that evening to never initiate again, never start again, never talk about sex again and never even to show interest in sex again, unless she initiated. After all, as she made perfectly clear, I was a man and was always ready, and she was a woman and needed to be shown more respect. I also promised myself that I would always be ready to please her when she wanted. I could do this, since I was a man after all. I kept my promises.

And I did, for about 6 weeks. Then, with no understanding of why to me, I began to loose interest in sex. I became no longer ready to please. I became unable to please eventually. The loss of interest has continued to this day, 17 years later. We even had another child some years later, but he was conceived completely by my wife's lead and direction. (A half-mast baby I have often thought to myself.)

I am always being surprised how my libido sinks to ever new lows after thinking that it cannot possibly go any lower. There has been no sex life for us for, well, 17 years. For the past 17 years, there has been only bad feelings and an ever decreasing desire for sex on my part. My wife on the other hand, is desparate for sex, but I can't help her now. Here's where I think this story fits into this forum.

Now, my wife wonders what happened to my libido. When I read your post ljr, I began to wonder if something like my story has happened to other couples. I must admit, that I feel very bad about hurting my wife as her sentiments are probably quite similar to yours. I was in fact very moved by your situation. We don't ever talk about sex. We share nothing intimate at all. I have my own bedroom and she does not want to feel "patronized" should I ever try to keep her company in her bed.

“I go to bed to sleep.” (not to read, not to talk, not to make love)

“I am too tired.” (staying up on the computer night after night, but cant take a few minutes for me).

“I love you but—dont take this personally—I am not attracted to you.” (not take personally? How?)

I have uttered similar things. I have never been so blunt as to say "I am not attracted to you" but that has become the situation. For a while I tried to blame the problem on ED and play up the feelings of inadequacy it supposedly causes (and at my wife's insistance have tried samples of Viagra and such). But the problem is that I just don't like sex. Over the years my wife has come up with suggestions as to why the big change. I think she get these ideas from women's mags but they definitely don't apply to us. She doesn't understand perhaps, the agony and torture that libido has been for me throughout most of my life and she doesn't understand the effect that a serious tongue lashing on such a sensative issue can have. She also wants to hear nothing about how I feel.

And so today, why am I reading forum on such a topic? Well, it's because, and there may be other guys out there who have this problem, I have a problem of risidual libido. Like a neutered dog I think, I still have some kind of feeling that there is something missing but I have no way of expressing it. I can't do anything with my wife I feel, I wouldn't even know where to begin. Although I feel something missing, I feel so distanced from sex that the thought of it is repulsive to me. I can not even fathom the idea of going and finding someone to get close to and wouldn't do it even if I could. And, all this was not so 20 years ago.

So, libido is still a curse to me although in a slightly different way than before. I am exploring the idea of medicine to help alieviate this lifelong problem. Can anyone relate to what I have said? Any medicinal suggestions? No bad side effects hopefully.

Reading all these comments made me feel better. 'I'm not alone', although this saddens me also that so many people are suffering like this! I would therefore like to add my success story.

I too have a much higher sex drive than my wife's (which is twice a week just sex for her) and over time this began to be troublesome for me. I love my wife very much but I found myself thinking about other women, considering escorts and considering dating sites purely to satisfy the drive. Now I have never done any of these but during my darkest moments when the urge was at its peak, when I could no longer control it, where even masturbation no longer eased the mental torture and when my mind was no longer in its rational state, the above sexual alternatives seemed very reasonable to me. But I would soon remember that I loved my wife and the last thing I want to do is hurt her or lose her. So, I bottled it up and I genuinely believe that I started to go insane.

In the end I decided that there must be some medicine to make this go away, I didn't want this torture anymore, I couldn't cope and I believe it would have wrecked my marriage because I would have done something stupid. So I began reading online about this problem and I found the same 4 solutions…

1) Cheat (not recommended)
2) Cheat with your wife's consent (hardly likely)
3) Chemicals
4) Talk to your wife

Obviously 1 & 2 are out and I have tried talking to my wife to get her to participate more often, only to be rejected 7 out of 10 times.

So back to option 3 find out about chemicals to make this go away. But the more I tried to find out about chemicals the more I encountered advice about talking to my wife, I mean REALLY talking to her, not attempts to manipulate her or to convince her, and that maybe I might be surprised by her reaction, one of sympathy, one of love. Yeah right I thought.

Anyway, I tried it. I sat her down and began explaining to her about what I was going through, I made sure to reassure her that she was great, and that our love life was great but that it just wasn't as often as my body would like. I explained to her what I go through, the mental and physical torture and the crazy thoughts I have at my darkest moments and how I feared that I could hurt her one day. I laid it out bare, the truth, the whole truth and nothing but!

I know you reading it here, it sounds a bit like a guilt trip but it was nothing like that. My wife is a strong independent woman who isn't easily fooled or easily persuaded. The chat was a real heart to heart and I was surprised by her reaction. We decided to figure this thing out together. Although she made no promises she said that she would try to be more attentive and on the days when she isn't really in the mood for sex then she would commit some other form of relief, but there would obviously be days when she would not be in the mood at all and I would have to cope or masturbate.

Well, we have been doing this for a while now and it REALLY WORKS. OK, my need is not completely met, but where I would go through a number of days without intimacy, going slowly crazy trying to relieve myself unsuccessfully, my wife is happy to perform fellatio or hand jobs on most days leaving the odd day for me to masturbate which now works because it is no longer the everyday consolation prize!

Just one last thing, for any ladies out there who just don't understand why their men want this much sex or why they cheat if they love their wives all I can say is that women do not understand how powerful the biological urge is. It is just that men with a high sex drive have that urge far more often and it drives us crazy. I recommend the following website. It is written by a male doctor and a female psychotherapist for women, but I understood a lot about myself once I read it.

Anyways, I hope my experience helps someone out there.


So does anybody actually know a way to severely restrict or stop libido that is safe?

Reading these stories has made me both feel better, and feel sad. In a way, I feel very ashamed of myself for even thinking that I have a problem compared to many of those who have posted here, but it is something which has bothered me for quite a while and I will tell my story.

I am a 32 year old, twice-married woman with two children from my first marriage. My second husband (who is 34) and I have been married just over two years, but have been close friends for over 15 years. I loved him from the day I met him, and have wanted to be with him since I was a teenager, and now to my great bliss, we are finally together. Our marriage and relationship are perfect in almost every way-we have wonderful communication,and are truly best friends. He is a beyond wonderful step-Father to my children, and he truly puts his family first in all things. He is romantic and attentive and very physically affectionate (as in hugging, kissing and cuddling.) All my friends have said that they wish their husbands were more like him, and that we live a charmed life. For the most part I agree...I love him beyond the ability of human words to describe.

I have a very high libido. I have always had a slightly above-average sex drive for a woman, but it has increased even more in the past two or three years. Part of it is the fact that I suffer from Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, which has severely screwed with my hormones and causes me to have an abnormally high testosterone level. So, in other words, I basically have the sex drive of a teenage boy at this point. Another reason is the very fact that I am at last married to the man I loved from afar and dreamed of being with for over half of my life.

The problem is, his sex drive no longer even comes close to mine. The first year of our marriage, the problem wasn't too obvious because his job forced us to live apart for several months-seeing each other only on weekends. The situation didn't allow for us to have sex more than a couple of times a week, and I was able to deal with it, thinking it would be much different once we were able to finally live together again. But we have now been living together full time for over a year...and we still only have sex about once a week or sometimes we go as long as 8 or 10 days. And then, when we do have sex, it's almost always me who initiates it. When we have sex, it is incredible, and he enjoys it very much as do I. However, he has recently had trouble maintaining an erection.

His job is very demanding and hard physical labor. He is currently working 60+ hours a week, with only one day off each week, and he has told me that this schedule is set to go on indefinitely... there are even rumors that the company is considering going to 7 day workweeks, with only 2 days off each month! As such, it is very understandable that his claims to be "Too tired" for sex are really true, and not just an excuse. I feel horrible and selfish for asking for sex, and he feels mean and selfish for turning me down. I know he loves me, and I know he is tired, but I also can't rid myself of the suspicion that my looks are part of the reason for his decreased desire. I was overweight when we got married, but have gained even more since then and I am now very obese... I weigh 300lbs! He says over and over that his lack of desire has nothing to do with my weight gain... but I still have a hard time believing that this is 100% true.

I, like many others who have posted here, would love to find something to take that would just put a damper on my sex drive so that i wouldn't feel like I am pressuring him for more than he can give because he is always so tired. I feel like I am making him think that all that matters to me in our relationship is sex... and that is NOT the case!

Well, it helps to know I'm not alone with this problem. I'm a 54 year old man with what I would call a "normal" sex drive. My wonderful wife of 32 years has a very low drive which has tapered off through the years.

Recently, she announced that she was through "giving in" to my requests for more frequent sex, and that basically we were only going to have sex when she's in the mood (might be once a month - don't know yet).

So I'm looking for some way to suppress my libido as well. This is one of the very few things we fight about, and it's been a running sore in our marriage for a long time. Marriage counseling many years ago helped us hammer out an agreement to have sex once a week - which has more or less been our "deal" since then - until now.

Anyhow, the bottom line is that I love my wife (might be easier if I didn't love her - I wouldn't want her so much!) , I have no desire to be with anyone else, and this is making me feel so powerless. I'm at the mercy of my hormones and I don't like it!

Any answers out there would be helpful. In the meantime, thanks to all the posters for sharing - It's made me feel less alone.

No I don't thing there is anything you can do, unfortunately. I'm not married yet, and have been wanting more information on this issue before I do so. I'm getting the drift that love goes way beyond sex and that sex isn't what love is about... it's nice to have, but doesn't define the relationship. If you love someone... that's it, you love them no matter what.

However, many guys that suffer like this who have wives seem to always be coming up short. If the wife loved the husband, shouldn't she understand about this need? Fine ok, she doesn't want to have it as much because of her biology thing... ok, but you need her. It's as if she doesn't care which really really sucks. Seems to be very hurtful too.

I've always (until recently) believed that once you get married, you have a better sex life, and with someone you love. Not the case? This is what I'm starting to figure out. I recently fell in love with my girlfriend who I've been dating for going on three years. I love her in every way and would gladly sign up for sex once ever two weeks deal if it meant having her. Only because I love her. So, dealing with the hormone thing too, I'm already looking for options to help myself! Sad! I'm not even married yet!

I'm in my mid-late 20's and have tons of passion. I'm just thinking if I should just find someone else to fall in love with... but, love isn't a switch. I already love someone. The main question that needs answering I guess is: Should this love I have for her supperceed my need to make love? If this is the way it is now, then 10 years from now I'll probably be in a pretty much sex-less marriage. I already sense this going into this. Question for anyone: Should I let this die off and start over, or since I love her deeply, should I continue? This is a case by case thing, I realize, but any feedback to my dilemma would be helpful. Thanks!

BEM I know exactly how you feel and I too want a remedy to suppress my sex drive urgently. Im a female however. I tell my bf of 4 years i really want to do it at least 6 times a week but he's always tired when he gets home and tells me 5 times a week is the max for him.

I feel so frustrated and we sometimes fight because of this. I don't want anyone else because im only comfortable with him and i love him very much. Im 22 he's 21. When we officially started dating, we starting doing it 6 mths into the relationship with a frequency of once each week. And now since we live together I just want it much much more for the past 2 and a half years.

I understand that it must be really tiring for him after coming home from a long day's work but I come home tired too in fact studying law in school makes me very tired and have to spend long hours on it and I still have the mood for it. We even plan to get married soon and Im so afraid things might get worse! He may tell me 5 times max a week but sometimes we only do it twice in a week.

Sex is the closest form of intimacy I can ever get to him physically so I just really enjoy it very much but he tells me it affects his work that he finds it hard to get up in the mornings for work after doing it.

He assures me Im not undesirable in any way and other than sex, we get along superbly well super in sync with each other. We have loved each other since i was 12 and he was 11. I don't want to destroy what we have that's so rare and sweet by quarreling about sex. I just don't get it he's only 21 and wants lesser sex than i do. When i ask him why he tells me sex is not really a priority in his life and he'd wanna concentrate on career and CARS.

I have tried to persuade him once into doing it 3 times in day but he said i was crazy. And the worse part of my problem is the sex we have is mind blowing. I feel sad, frustrated and helpless that he feels tired and I have to be understanding so I really need a remedy for this ASAP.

I have the same problem and don't know where to turn. He has seen a doctor and everything is fine. Just doesn't want to have sex. Says he's to tired to do it. I feel horrible and wish I could kill my desire. If you ever find anything I would be shocked cuz so far I can't.

I have the same problem sort of. I would like to think abstractly more, also, I think the world would be a better place without sex... have you found something that works?

I'm glad I stumbled upon this site. I'm a 19 year old female who is newly married, with a crazy libido. My husband is very much in love with me and still finds me extremely beautiful. I saved sex for marriage (still don't regret my choice) and I have a very high libido, like 2 or 3 times a day high. My husband is a normal man and wants it about five or six times a week.

We've gotten into long discussions about it, crying because of his feeling that he can't ever satisfy me and I can't change my sex drive. But we have gotten better, not because we are changing the frequency, but because I am trying to make sure that sex, when we have it, is at night, but before bedtime so my sweetie isn't feeling like he won't get enough sleep. Our marriage is worth more than our hormones and I'm learning to place more importance in loving him how he needs to be loved, both in and out of our bedroom.

The only thing I found that works is St.Johns wort. It's a mood herb. Once I took it for a while I lost a lot of my sexual drive.

Hello I am a 31yo gay man I have been in a commited relationship for almost a year ..I love my partner very much. But I have a extreamley high sex drive & always have..if it was not for the fights over sex we would not realy fight at all..we are very compatable on every leavel except in the bedroom...I guess I am asking what would be easer to try and lower my sex drive or get something to hiighten his???...

I am so very attracted to him and he clames the same but I feel that I am always the one to bring up sex..and 8 out of 10 times I am shut down ..I am starting to feel as if I am not turnign him on...and when we do "do it" I feel as if he thinks it more of a chore that fun

What can I do I don't want to keep fighting over something as silly as sex?.?..

Any advice would be greatly appreacated

Wow, I'm not alone!

I won't add my story -- it's been told 100 times above. Just thought I'd pass something on that might help the guys (not sure it will work for women).

I Googled "how to decrease sex drive" and black licorice extract keeps coming up. It sounds like you have to be careful -- too much of it can cause harm, but it is supposed to decrease testosterone levels.

Good luck from one very frustrated guy to all the rest of you out there.

Hi There,
It helps to know that there are many of us who feel the same way as I was rather embarrassed about things if I were to approach a specialist to talk about it. I am 30 years old and my fiance is lil' older than I am. We've been together for two years and she was upfront with me that she wants to wait until marriage before we can get intimate. I respect her and her values so I was okay with it until lately.

Now, we've been engaged, I guess I am expecting more from the relationship... Am I wrong to do so? Knowing myself, my sex drive and knowing her, we probably won't be on the same page on this issue. We've talked about it before, even had fights over these issue. I love her with all my heart and I don't want this to be the thorn in our relationship... If I could, we would trade a sexless marriage for a happy marriage any day. I just want to know if something can be done to suppress my sex drive or any herbs that would reduce my libido or both.

I've tried "releasing the stress on my own"...but it seems to be like a drug making me wanting it more... to a point that I can't concentrate on my work sometimes.

Exercising, for me, increases my libido so I tend to stay away from it as much as I could, but I also want to look good for our wedding by the end of the year.

Please help, any advise is very much appreciated!

There are many conditions that men can get which cause pain during sex. I don't think this is at all your fault, sex once a week isn't unhealthy. In fact most couples have it 2 or 3 times. maybe you need to get him to see a doctor. Don't blame yourself. Sometimes in relationships we do blame ourselves for things that aren't our fault, or blame our partner. Hugs, hope your problem is worked out.

Wow - lots of women on here who share my problem. For so long I thought I was a real rarity! It's a relief as well as disheartening. Makes me wonder if anyone with a high sex drive is doomed to fall in love with someone of a lower sex drive. I mean, how would you know this about someone unless you've had a sexual relationship with them for a couple of years or so? And by that point, you're committed to a certain degree, and it's harder to get out.

I'll share my story...

I fell in love with my husband when I was just 16 years old. At first, things were great - he couldn't keep his hands off me, and I loved that. I've always been made fun of for my body type - skinny with small breasts, etc. and as a result I had a poor body image. In comes this guy who looks at me like I'm the most gorgeous thing he's ever set eyes on and he can't keep his hands off me to boot? I was in heaven. In love, for sure. He accepted me for who I was and never asked me to be anything else. For a girl who was desperately trying to be accepted by her parents and her peers, that was all I could have wanted. Well, that and sex. I guess the fact that he wasn't pushing me for sex should've been my clue that it wasn't all that important to him, but I was young and honestly couldn't imagine a guy who wouldn't want it all the time. After all, that's all you hear about on television and in social crowds. So I honestly, (stupidly) thought I'd be any guy's dream come true. I vowed to never, ever turn down my future husband's advances - I would baby and love him all he wanted!

Well, here I am 11 years later and I sometimes wonder if I fell in love for the wrong reasons. If I fell in love with the sexual attention he gave me rather than the man himself because now that the attention's gone, I don't feel much for him anymore. I feel "checked out" of the marriage. He knows this. He's even said that without our sex life being the way I'd like it to be that I "care about him, but I don't love him" and it's true. I care about him, but it feels more platonic now than anything. I always pictured a husband as primarily a lover, and he doesn't feel like my husband anymore - more like a live-in companion - and that's not what I want from a marriage.

We've talked about separating, and basically the ball is in my court. He claims that I want a "jerk" - a guy who will just want to do me all the time and other than that, go off and do his own thing. Though I wouldn't call such a guy a jerk, that is kind of what I want. I have my own interests (mostly writing) that take up a lot of my time, and I'm more or less a loner. So yeah, I think it'd be nice to have a man who's capable of fending for himself and doesn't need a lot of "mothering" so to speak. A man who would appreciate being given his space. Don't get me wrong, I loved to baby my husband in the beginning of our marriage (as in, bring him a glass of tea, make his plate for him, etc.), but at the time, he was babying me as well (giving me lots of sexual attention and just affection in general). Now he acts like I should continue to baby him even though he refuses to do the same for me anymore. I'm sorry, but that isn't fair.

He straight up told me that after a while, the passionate stuff dies down, and that there's no bringing it back. That all that lovey stuff is childish and was okay when we were teenagers, but not now. Like he equates maturity with chastity. For me, sex should be always fun and exciting - spontaneous and passionate - and because he was very spontaneous, very passionate in the beginning, I thought he felt the same way. I've told him how it hurts to feel like he deceived me. If sex wasn't important to him, why didn't he tell me from the beginning?

The hardest thing is knowing that he's perfectly content with the way things are. It seems that what he wants from a marriage is stale, boring, peace. I'd almost rather be fighting and screaming than to live in peaceable boredom. The point is that, he has no motivation to change. I want things to go back to the way they were, and he likes things the way they are. It's not even that we never have sex, but most of the time it feels like he's simply going through the motions. Or that it's only when I bring up the problem that he'll make an effort to initiate or be more into it, etc. To me, that means that passion doesn't come naturally to him and that the problem will never be really solved. Again, it feels like there's no hope in that regard, either.

There's also this part of me that's saying he deserves someone who will love him for who he is. Not some grown-up sixteen year old who fell in love with him for all the wrong reasons. That's where the caring about him bit comes in. I want good things for him. I want him to have someone who'll love him in the way he should be loved. And I want the same for me. To me, it seems you are doomed to marry someone whose sex drive will be in direct opposition to yours, unless maybe you're both physically fit and that plays into sex drive, but let's face it - most people aren't into exercise, me being one of them. So now I feel like maybe I should get a fresh start. Get to know a man before I jump into the sex because it will inevitably cloud my judgment. You know, make sure there is something more than sex there that will hold my interest and devotion for many years to come.

I really don't know how you have managed for 30 years. You have a lot of willpower to stay. I wouldn't have.I hope you find happiness one day.

This is a long list of comments; my heart is sad for so many of you. And just like many of you women, I am relieved to find that I am not alone with a high libido. My husband suffered a lot of damage in an auto accident several years ago, and since then our intimate life barely exists. We went from 3 times weekly to 'something to satisfy me' every couple months. Sometimes three months. It isn't his fault, so I try to never talk to him about it, but it is very hard on me. I know that intimacy is very good for emotional attachment in marriage, and I can really feel the difference when it has been so long.

I have found some lists of herbs that are supposed to help, esp. chasteberry, skullcap, and valerian, but I have to admit that I am nervous about taking herbs because of side affects. Has anyone else tried them?

Also, to all women with high libidos, avoid using Wild Yam Cream. I was using this to regulate my cycles better, and it almost immediately made my libido so high I thought I'd go insane. It still took a couple of weeks for the effect to wear off even after I stopped using the cream. Any women who WANT to increase their libidos, you might want to consider using some. I used 1/4 teaspoon of cream on my stomach and arms from day 14 to 28 of each cycle. Then you don't use it after day 28 until day 14 again. It is also supposed to be good for PMS, mood and energy, but I don't know if it works for that part or not because I obviously couldn't keep using it.

I am a late 30s male who has a different issue than the other posters here.

I've never been remotely close to being married (having struggled in vain just to get a date for years), so the situations the other posters are in are not like mine. I've got a very high sex drive, but I have not actually had sex in a dozen years. I'm what has colloquially been called an 'incel' or involuntary celibate. Short of hiring a prostitute (which I won't do), I am out of luck.

I am a very comfortable in solitude, having been alone for so long, and I have only recently realized that I don't even really want the companionship stuff. For so many years I have thought of it as a package deal, so it has taken me a while to realize that I just don't want it.

I'm not lonely. I just have a sex drive that serves no purpose whatsoever, and I would be thrilled if I can completely and permanently get rid of it. I'm driven to distraction... it takes so little to get me started.

I basically would have to stop watching TV and reading the news (or anything else) online, cause it takes next to nothing, or often literally nothing. I'm like an 18 year old in that way-- I remember how it was and it's just like that now. I've always seen the TV commercials about how sex drive plummets in the mid 30s, and have anxiously been awaiting that... but no such luck.

Some of the previous posts highlight what I have long suspected... that if I went to my doctor about this, I would not find that it is treated as a real issue. Other people who are in completely different situations want more sex drive (as absurd as that is), so I must be stupid to want less.

So, I've been with my bf now since the end of July last year. He has problems getting an erection.

I've tried to help him with this, I've been supportive loving...the whole nine yards. But it's always about 'him'. All the attention is on 'him' and my desire...well wtf am I worrying about MY desire for cuz...well his isn't working so mine shouldn't matter.

He had started taking something called 'Viper' well this helped somewhat. Then he started taking another supplement, and we got even further but I was told at supper tonight he's not ordered the second supplement. Because....well he wants to 'be sure' when the bill comes in.

*sighs* I'm tired of feeling unattractive, unwanted and NOT desireable at all. I just don't know what to do. I really want to kill my drive but all the research online I've done doesn't help....oh and according to 'modern research' Chasteberry is 'not' a sex drive killer...

I'm a 21 year old female, and Ive had a high sex drive for years,and my current boyfriend and a couple previous partners, don't have a sex drive to match. I want sex about 2-3 times a day..and my boyfriend is content with every couple days..
I love him dearly,and when we have sex its amazing, but I know he gets frustrated with how much I want it. He's directly and indirectly mentioned it on multiple occasions.

I try to back off, I really do, but its so damn difficult when he can just kiss me and I get turned on. I'm like a fricken light switch most of the time, but once I'm on it takes a while to dim me down.

I can't take hormonal birth control, or anything with estrogen,due to migraines and progesterone, although it tones my sex drive down, completely messes with my body in other I can't take that.

I have a copper IUD which allows me to have sex whenever.

I need to know how to dim my sex drive down...

Well it seems that I can join the club of women who like to do it rather often, but whose drive isn't matched by her man's. The only thing that I can add is to underline again, that satisfying yourself is totally normal and a good way to get through the periods when your man isn't into it. I would also say that it's a big sham and one of the largest myths out there, that a man's libido is categorically larger than a woman's. It simply isn't so. A woman need not feel strange for having regular desire.

It's interesting because I was first married to a man who wanted it far more than I did and I remember how frustrating it was for me. I felt like his body bag and play-thing or rag doll. It was so annoying how he was always ready to put it out and even the slightest sexy thing I wore made his wanker go through the roof. I remember avoiding flattering clothes when I was around. It ultimately even pushed me away, for, I wanted a man who was attracted to me genuinely, not just because of a super-high libido. I gradually resented more and more his super-drive and it turned me off so much in the end. Ironically I was the one who then fell in love with someone else. Of course there were other major issues and we married far too young. .

I only say that to give both perspectives. Now the tables are a bit turned. My husband now is a babe of a man and has very specific and particular wishes and desires and is easily turned off or simply totally into his own world, so that his drive is just not as high as mine. I'm 29 and he's 34 and I suspect that perhaps my baby-making hormones are partly to blame. That is, perhaps my biological clock has blessed me with this drive to ensure that I hurry up and make a baby sooner or later. I don't resent that. I'm doing what I can to be sensitive to my husband about the issue. I'm not ashamed to please myself if he's simply not into it. I'd rather have a truly enjoyable long round of love-making in the situation that he was genuinely turned-on and into it, less often, than just quick-and-dirty sexual pacification more regularly.

I think it's key not to make your man feel overwhelmed with it either. There are enough pressures out there in the world on a man nowadays, so many things to make him feel inadequate. Men are living in a sort of era between worlds, there they are expected to be 'men' and also sensitive and artistically inclined and gentle. We women like to manipulate them all too often to our liking. If he's not man enough, we play that card which consistently works. If he's too macho, we make him feel like a cave man and descend on him that way. There's often no way to win.

I think it's best to give him a bit of space. I'm struggling with it at the moment myself. I'm trying to channel my sexual energy into other things, but when it takes me over, I satisfy myself until my man's into it. His natural desire kicks in at least once a week, so I can live with that, though I'd ideally get down with him every 2-3 days. I've discovered that if I even genuinely feign my own disinterest once, it has positive effects. I let him think that I didn't want it and then I just please myself until his desire comes back. My lack of desire even turns him on. Imagine that. So I'm trying to play with that more.

He doesn't like to feel like he's in any way inadequate and it's not always appropriate for me to pin all my sexual energy down on him. Just because we're married, doesn't make him responsible for satisfying me all the time. It's only his responsibility to acknowledge the issue and try to find a solution. He's ordered an herb called Maca to try to help. . . I'll let you know how that goes.

In the meantime I'm enjoying a bout of low sexual desire (accompanied by my period) and whilst I'm here, I thought I'd look around to try and keep this going a bit longer. . I might well try that monk herb.

Has any woman ever tried having a fantasy whilst masturbating? I visualize the last time my man took me by surprise and fixate on that in my mind. I sometimes feel naughty about masturbating in itself and this in-turn turns me on in weird way. Perhaps you might try this too women. Above all, don't feel strange about your state!

This website has made me feel so much better knowing I'm not alone with this frustrating topic. However my story has a bit of a unique twist. I'm a 22 female and I'm dating someone significantly younger... He is 19. Never in a million years would this issue have crossed my mind. From anything I have ever read or heard I have a normal sex drive we have been together just 5 short months and like most of the women on here... 95% is me initiating and 90% is me being disappointed. He claims just not to be very sexual.

I would gladly take something that just takes my sex drive away. I love him and he is the one I want to spend forever with but it's not worth fighting about anymore. when we do have sex it lasts almost 3 min every time so it's not really about me anyways and I'm not complaining. I do have security issues and feel undesirable but that is my one outlet to know I'm not completely undesired.

We have both had sexual partners before and this is a first for me. I am pretty sure this is not a first for him, he claims that his previous girlfriend wanted sex too much that's why they broke up. So I try to not push it and let him be the one who starts it. But it has taken all the fun out of it for me.

I get so excited when it starts to happen but then two minutes later it's over and I'm just 10 times more worked up then I was before and I lay there for hours listening to him snore. Experimenting really isn't an option because there isn't enough time to. I have made him doctor appointments to see if anything was wrong but he won't go he is scared he will hear some bad news.

I take that personally in that it doesn't mean enough to him to fix the problem. Again it's not worth the fight anymore and all I want is to not desire sex anymore. I am tired of feeling this way. I know this isn't normal but I'm not cheating and I'm not looking anywhere else. We have agreed to no masturbation but obviously if he doesn't desire anything sexual on a regular basis that won't be an issue for him. I need help!!


I am sitting here reading these posts, and feeling even worse, because of the level of pain expressed, and the lack of any absolute solution !

Let me start off by saying I have no wish to leave my husband, or find a lover and anything. I'm just so heartbroken by our marriage that I feel like I'm dying. He had a cold family growing up, and was sexually assaulted as a child and again at university. On top of that, he has an anxiety disorder that keeps him WAY stressed 80% of the time. He has such a low libido (nothing medically wrong, we've checked), and I feel like I'm turning into a raving nympho. I do my best to help him by doing the things that stress him, but lately I find myself resenting doing things because I feel like I'm alone in the intimate side of my marriage - why should I do for him, when he can't give me what I need ? I want him to lust for me like I desire him - not 24/7 (how exhausting would that be !!??) - just in general. I need to feel wanted and desired. I need him to want me. I understand his stressing, but I have needs too, and why do his issues and needs supercede mine ?

I initiate 99.9% of the time, and get turned away most of those times. When he pushes me away, or lies there like a dead fish or tells me to stop bugging him, I get the most terrible twisting, burning sensation in the pit of my stomach. I am so humiliated and ashamed and hurt, and these feelings have started to dominate me so much that I am struggling to function in normal daily tasks.

I can only remember him initiating twice in the last few years. He became very ill almost 7 years ago, and at that time asked me to give him time, because things in the sexual desire department weren't going so well for him. I said yes, but after 7 years, I am sick of waiting. We've had sex less than a ten times in the last 7 years. When we are intimate, I always end up feeling like I'm abusing him - he hardly ever seems to be in the moment with me, more like he's just putting up with me.

If I'm highly upset (like in the week before we immigrated) then he will be intimate, but I feel like it's a pity ****. Why does he only really feel the need to be intimate when I'm so upset ?

Last year In September we had a blow up over this, and went away for a weekend to try and fix it. I was so happy - I thought that at long last I would get what I need so desperately. Since then we've had sex 3 times, and not at all in the last 4 months. On top of it all, we are busy immigrating, and that stress just makes it all worse. He hasn't laid an intimate finger on me since we left our birth country at the end of last year - not even one kiss (except for the type you'd give your granny). He says sex doesn't even cross his mind. He doesn't like kissing - he seems to find it a disgusting action. He shows me so little affection, and even though I've told him how I feel, I don't see him making any effort to make things better. Doesn't he care enough to make any effort ?

In the past I've tried to get him (us)to see therapists or get medical help, but he does the minimum and then won't carry on. I fear that his lack of inclination/action (don't know which it is ??!!) to even try to improve the situation might be the event that could end our marriage. I believe very strongly in my marriage vows - my vow before God is important to me and I take it very seriously, and I love him and like him and enjoy his company, and I want to give my kids a stable home and childhood. BUT at what point is enough enough ? It feels to me like he doesn't see me as important enough to try, that his other issues are more important, and I must live with this.

I've backed off completely now because I can't take one more rejection - I think I'd crack beyond repair -, but I don't think he's even noticed. I am not sleeping because I lay in bed waiting for him to say or do something, but nothing.... I am contemplating seperate bedrooms just so I can get some rest, but that feels like giving up.

So what do I do ? I know he loves me, and I love him beyond reason, but it's just not enough. I am becoming more and more angry, and resentful, and so miserable that I hurt physically.

You sound like me. I was a virgin when I married the first time at the age of 36. My wife and I had sex daily for about a month. Weekly for about 2 months. Monthly for about 3 month. Yearly for about 4 years and not agin since 2007. I can almost give you the date (last week of May). My wife is always tired, or angry, or upset or busy.

What caught my attention was that your wife told you she was not attracted to you. Mine told me the same. Hurt like hell.

The last time I initiated, we were in Hawaii, i put my arms around her to hear your say in her most annoyed voice, "You have got to be kidding." Hurt like hell.

I love my wife and plan on never cheating on her. She caught me with porn 3 times and that hurt her severely. The last time was in April 2009. Notice we had not had sex in 2 years at that point. The first time was in 2004 after we had been married over a year and had not had sex in about 3 months. I have not looked at porn since that day in 2009, but I, unlike you, have been unsuccessful at reducing my libido. I am depressed about it. When she asks if I am bitter about it, I lie because I do not want to discuss it or make her feel hurt.

I also considered castration (didn't have the guts for that). I considered estrogen therapy (don't think I will look good with breasts). Now I am going to stock up on edamame (which I love) and licorice supplements, and follow the path of giving up. I know counseling would be good, but we can't afford that, so giving up is about my only option.

If you have found anything that helps please let me know,
I have the exact same story so close that its scary!

My wife despises sex and I love her and want to be happy, so the only way for me to be completely happy is to despise it as much as she does. Please does anyone know how to make yourself not ever want sex. I have 4 kids whom I love more than life and want them to have a happy home. I am burning inside! I am so sick of feeling humiliated because I like sex. Once a month sucks.My wife would only do it once a year.She hates valentines day,my b-day, fathers day and will not go on a date with me because she thinks sex is expected .So I dont get it on any of those days and they just become ackward days so that I now hate them as well. I have got to find a cure for this desire or disease. It does not help my situation that I find my wife absolutely beautiful.

You're not alone. Reading all these post and seeing that it is not just MEN with this issue in some ways is reliving for me. The fact that you are just fed up with thinking of sex all the time puts us in the same boat. If you have any luck with a solution please entertain it with me. Good luck and know you are not alone.

Kind regards

Wow, it really helped me reading all of this. I've struggled with an over active sex drive since 16. I'm a 31 year old mother of 4 now and if anything its only increased with age. Having only had two relationships in the past 14 years ( my ex husband who was my high school sweetheart and my current boyfriend, of 2 years, whom I met 6 weeks after my divorce was final). I'm at my wits end as to why I want sex so much more then the men I've been with. I could have sex 3-4 times a day and instead only have it 3-4 times a month. It's not just the agonizing hunger in my stomach, the actual physical longing to have sex that I have to deal with, or the fact that I'm turned on ALL the time, It's so emotionally draining on my self esteem and self worth that it tears me down everyday.

I just suffer thru it not even trying anymore because I can't take the rejection one more time. Nothing helps. Its like someone said in an earlier post. Its like trying to chase a drug and the more I get it the more I want it. It's never satisfied. And I just don't want it to consume me any longer. I'm willing to try any medication that my dr will prescribe. I've set up an appt for the end of the month. Hopefully he can help.

I'm in a same sex relationship and I'm having the same problem as many people on here. I'm 27 and so is my partner. I love her deeply and don't want to cheat or hassle her constantly, but my libido is much, much higher than hers. I've tried to bring this up with her and have realised that this is pointless as I know it upsets her and all we do is fight. I just can't handle the constant rejection. And we've tried to reach some sort of an agreement (which was once a month - I'm an everyday, multiple times type of woman, so this itself wasn't really enough for me) but this just doesn't seem to happen and I don't like pressing her as I feel I'm almost forcing her to be with me. Its the thoughts I'm having problems with, they're driving me up the wall. It helps to know I'm not the only one but right now I'm online because I can't handle going to bed with her
Please help me.

I have had a daughter and also received an abnormal pap smear. I have had to see the doctor since then for 3 years every 6 months for check ups. It could be part of the stress of having a baby and then a biopsy. I have had little to no interest in sex as well, minus from June to the present day. I can only assume that she will gain it back when her body is ready, otherwise you could try giving it a push with a few sensual massages or something.

The perfect way to reduce your sex drive is to have a nagging wife, especially one that is quite nasty. Soon your sex drive will be gone.

Although it is not a perfect answer it definitely works.

I feel your pain!!! But I don't think that you should have to slow your sex drive. It makes you who you are. It's one of the reasons my now also deceased husband and I got along so well. He was actually more over-sexed than me. I wanted it like 3-4 times a week like you but he wanted it every day all day...literally.

Later I discovered he had some problems after his death. Oddly enough, I don't know if it's possible but I feel as if he has attached himself or passed on to me his sexuality. I have never had this much sexual tension in my life!

Sometimes I think it's his way of making me understand that what I found out he did was not really him and it was a legitimate problem not just a choice.

I feel almost out of control if I don't have sex. Hope this helps relate. Be you, don't change. There is someone that will appreciate your youthful nature sexually.

So I've found that since I started taking zoloft, it's an SSRI I take for my anxiety and mild depression.My sex drive has gone down and I don't feel so frustrated when I dont have sex at least every day.

I have also gotten a bit more used to my SOs sex drive being lower than mine, and without me pushing for sex every day, he seems to be enjoying sex more when we have it ( which is about 2-3 times a week)
With me not trying to seduce him all the time, he has also taken more initiative, which I am totally ok with, sometimes when hes feeling really frisky ,he will pick me up and take me to our bedroom and toss me on the bed, which I happen to enjoy.

Ive also taken to well, taking care of it myself when I'm horny and he isnt. It does help.

I'm 40 with a wife about the same age. We've been together about 20 years, and have a 6 year old son. She's a smart, successful professional who's working part time while our son is young. And she's even more attractive now than she was when we married 16 years ago. I wouldn't change a thing about her or our marriage... except her sex drive.

I've always been amorous. I could perform every night, if I needed to, though I've determined (over a couple of excellent vacations) that 3-4 nights a week would be perfect for me. If left to her own devices, I think that she would desire sex about once a month or two. Which is about where we started out, year ago. Since our son was born, she's definitely picked up her game. I think she feels like she doesn't want to neglect me, so sex is a "quick" fix. Once a week isn't uncommon these days.

But here we are. I know my situation may sound good to some who have posted here, and I'd agree with you to some extent. But I know it's strictly a gift to me. I can't usually please her (not the right mood tonight) and it's definitely a present to me. Nowadays it makes me feel even worse, when I'm "given" some intimacy.

So, I ask as for sex, get rejected, and feel terrible. Or I get sex, and 9 out of 10 times, I feel like I used her. I can't win. I've thought about some kind of solution sooo many times. Some kind of medication or herb or procedure that could reduce my drive to nil or near-nil. Hell, I don't care if I never have sex again, so long as the urge was removed. It's more trouble than it's worth at this point. It's driving me crazy.

Never would have believed that they were so many people out there with this "problem". I thought I was just a freak. I am 28 yrs and have a very very high sex drive. As a child I was sexually abused for many years. I assumed that it was sick of me to feel this way because of what I had been thru, I also thought that the abuse had made me this way.

The partners I've had have never had the same drive as me (always lower). The father of my child used to tell me to seek treatment. I felt so ashamed. My current partner is 12 yrs my senior, if he is in the mood we might have sex once or twice every 3 weeks but of course I have to initiate it. If it was up to him every other month would be fine.

I am tired of being turned down or rejected, it is one of the worst and most humiliating feeling. Someone posted exactly how I felt "most terrible twisting, burning sensation in the pit of my stomach" I start questioning myself, wondering what is wrong with me. Am I not desirable? I cry often because of this, I am tired of wanting to have sex every day.

I don't want to cheat on him because I love him so much but this is just driving me insane. The one thing that helps is of course to satisfy myself but it's not the same.... I would like to decrease or eliminate my drive.

My girlfriend was the same way Glen. She had a high sex drive to match mine before we were married. As soon as we got married, a switch turned off in her head and she no longer had a sex drive. Now I'm here on this website.... :/ fml
just a warning if you're thinking about waiting to unleash yourselves until marriage, it won't work, have sex before you get married and find out what you like. It way too much of a gamble to wait until you're married and then find out her passion for you was all for show to get a ring on the finger.

I wasn't expecting to find any women in the same boat as me. I thought guys were always the ones with the higher sex drive and women were always the ones who didn't want it. Now I've seen the light. I think it's really a compatibility thing. I know all of the feelings you described, the rejection, the sadness, feeling like you did something wrong simply for wanting to make love with your lover. Either you need to increase his sex drive, or decrease yours. The problem is if he doesn't want to have sex that often, he may not be interested in increasing his sex drive.

I know my wife doesn't care at all about increasing her sex drive. She just wants to be "left alone" in that regard. The most unfair part about it is she still wants to cuddle and snuggle all the time, and I indulge her in that. It seems to be a question of caring for your partner. There's a balance to be struck, between caring for their desires and respecting their right to say no, and them caring for your needs and being there for you when you need them.

Very few of you are even mentioning the physiological and biological health repercussions of sex or lack thereof. There is much scientific and anecdotal evidence out there as well as a great deal of philosophical literature out there as well. I personally gravitated toward the taoist philosophical approach to sex. Not only practical, but holistic.

Trying to make an unbalanced person want more or less sex is likely to end up poorly for all involved. It would be like an obese person simply doing more situps in order to improve their figure. Not likely to be effective. In rare cases, sex is actually the problem, but usually the problem is psychological or due to diet or prescription medication or drug/alcohol addiction or excess masturbation draining the libido.

According to taoist sexology, masturbation for a woman is fine, but masturbation for a man leads to nervous system/heart problems because the man's yang energy is not being balanced by the yin of a woman during sexual activity. So excessive masturbation for a man can be a really destructive thing. Of course, excessive means different things to different people, depending on genetic predisposition, on diet, on stress level, drug use, type of work, etc. Its rarely just one thing.

Each person is unique and a holistic understanding of how the internal and external energies are influencing and manifesting in the sex drive is a basic necessity for addressing this issue. Much of the "answer" is common sense. If you don't have much of that, consult a long-time practitioner of the taoist healing arts (philosophy, meditation, medicine, qi gong, martial arts, culinary, etc.) If they cannot help you, they will lead you to someone who can. In the meantime, know that you are already perfect, the divine does not judge, and he meaning of life is joy.

Well it looks like we all got something in common. My wife has no libido while I have a high libido. I masturbate one to three times a day whereas my wife could go without having sex for the rest of her life and it wouldn't bother her.

I don't understand how we all got so mismatched. My Ideal mate would need sex at least once a day and sometimes three to four times a day. Too bad we cant trade off spouses like baseball cards.

Don't get me wrong I love my wife and I will honor my vows for the rest of my life but I just wish I had known what her libido was before I made them. She lets me have it about once a weak sometimes less. The rest of the time I'm flying solo. We are going to try tribulus terrestris and ZMA supplements to try to raze her testosterone levels in hopes it will help her loose weight and boost her libido.

Note: Tribulus terrestris, and ZMA are supplements commonly used by body builders to rase there testosterone levels naturally. If a women has a high libido it typically means she already has elevated levels of testosterone. If that is you do not use them for losing weight unless you desire a handlebar mustache and a deep voice. On the other hand women who have a low libido typically mean they have abnormally low levels of testosterone and can handle the supplements better but you still have to carefully monitor the situation.

I am a 225 year old female and I have a very high sex drive. In the beginning of my marriage my husband and I were very active in this departmment. But over the last year it has caused alot more hrm then good.

It is tearing up my marrigae and if i dont find a way to lower my sex drive i am sure to lose my husband.

We went from 2 to 3 times a week to once a week if i am lucky. I have tried everything sexier outfits and the use of more objects in the bedroom but with no luck. can anyone help me?

I need to know how to lower my sex drive. it seeems like my marriage depends on it.

Please Please Please give me some help.

i am a 28 yr old very attractive female been married for 10 years my husband ignores my advances towards sex..r anytime i mention sex.. i need to lower my libido i want sex at least 2 r 3 timesa week.k

Well this site is a relief!! I seriously thought I was the only woman on earth who wanted sex multiple times a day. My last two relationships were ruined by my high sex drive. Its so frustrating when you desire someone more than they desire you. It hurts my self esteem as well as makes me hate my sex drive. I often wish I was like the majority of women who rarely thought about sex!!!

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 8 months. We have a very loving and wonderful relationship. He is a beautiful person inside and out, and I know that my sexual desire is starting to affect out relationship. He probably has an average libido wanting sex once a day to several times a week. That isn't satisfying enough for me, I want it every day multiple times a day. I just get so turned on by him, I feel like I can't help myself!!!

Unfortunately, he doesn't feel the same or doesn't desire me at the level I desire him. I really, really want to find a remedy to lower my libido. I fear that like my past two relationships this issue will ruin our relationship. When he turns me down I get angry, resentful, and then I just get closed off and don't even want to be around him sometimes.

I think I've come to the realization that the problem is me, and finding a mate that can match me sexually is not likely. I just have to accept my sexual frustration as being a part of my everyday life, and in that case, I want it to be gone. I've become embarrassed, ashamed, frustrated, and disgusted with myself. I believe in mind over matter, and have tried to keep myself in control in all aspects of my life but have not been able to conquer this one. I feel that is my only hope, to try to control myself and be aware and know that I can overcome this obsession.

I'm 73 and my libido is still high. I have been overwhelmed by sexual desire since I was about 11. I feel my life has been ruined by it. I can't think of anything else. I once met a girl with similar libido. She had 12 - 14 orgasms every time we made love - 3/4 times a week. It was fantastic. But we we weren't really close, apart from sex, and eventually split up.

I've been married twice and now alone; still obsessed by sex. I am a thoughtful, kindly man who looks for real love, but I've missed my chance now at my age.

Ah! Well. Maybe there are lessons to be learned for others

There should be more advice for people who want to suppress the libido rather than enhance it. I suffer multiple health problems on a physical scale so any kind of sexual activity only causes me excess pain that I don't need. I'm a 30 year old woman and had a hellish time the last 6 years from a demanding boyfriend, sex caused so much pain that I had to stop it this May gone, and naturally the urge is there and I try to ignore it, I'm fairly strong emotionally but I will admit it's annoying and would prefer the drive to not be there at all. I tried the chaste berry but it didn't work for long so am trying to keep occupied with hobbies and such. But if anyone has any other suggestions, it would be appreciated :) I'll check back regular :D

I don't know if finding this was a relief or a disappointment. I can't believe how EXACT my situation seems to be to many of you. For me...

-Both of us in mid-30's
-12 years married.
-LOVE my wife so much
-ATTRACTED to my wife so much
-DAMN my wife is in shape, hot and so so sexy ( appearance)
-3 young Kids I would live in HELL for to never miss tucking them in at night.
-I think about her, sex, and intimacy all the time.
-She NEVER initiates sex and when I do, it feels like pity sex. I often lose the drive after starting because I feel like I'm either raping her or making love to a corpse. (this is after I've given her quite a lot of foreplay, cunnilingus and either a real or fake orgasm)
-I've talked to her (spilled it all out) and explained how her lack of want for me is hurting me so much. I told her I need to feel wanted, attractive and loved and she is the only person in the world that can provide that to me. She said... "I'll try to do better" WHAT!? Should it be that much freaking work to her?

This isn't just about straight sex either...but intimacy. I give her hour long back massages...but she can't even put her hand on my leg while we watch TV. I walk past her in the house and want to just touch her every so slightly as I pass...just on her mid-back or something. She acts annoyed by it. On the flip side...I want in anticipation for the same slight touch when she passes me...Doesn't happen. My non-sexual, but intimate, advances to her are a bother to her, but the same ones I long for her to do to me. This is not love. She does not love me.

I won't repeat what has already been said here in previous posts, as I am only posting to add one thing that lingers in my brain...and has not been mentioned here yet. Here goes.

I cannot believe she truly loves me. I cannot believe that many of the other poster's spouses love them. How can one claim to truly love their spouse and then knowingly let them live so miserably. How can they knowingly blow you off. I feel like I am being used. She knows how much I love her and our children. She knows I would live through hell to never break this family up. She knows that I will just keep "dealing with it"...AND SHE DOESN'T CARE!! HOW CAN THAT BE LOVE?!?

I get up at 5:30 every morning to get to work by 7am. I come home and help with the house chores. I give her massages. I do everything gross, hard, painful, tiring, awful and the like that has to be done in our family's home and life. I take all the tough parts of life for our family. She has a part-time job, but it was chosen by her because it's fun...but it takes her away from us a lot in the evenings, and literally makes her below minimum wage pay. I make the dinner those evenings so she can go have a fun time at "work".

She gets to pick a job that's just fun for her, because I take care of the family at any cost. I work multiple jobs doing things I don't like to support us. I don't "want" to do these things for our family and her, but I do what I have to to make her happy and our lives good. I also do freelance work on the side for a little extra money for our family. I don't "want" to get up early or stay up late while the family sleeps to do that work. But I do.

When we do have sex, I do anything she wants. I always try to please her first. I would happily please her at any hour of the night, regardless my "mood". Why? BECAUSE I ACTUALLY DO LOVE HER. If this is my understanding of love and my commitment to love, it's no surprise that I question. "How can she really claim to love me". I mentally roll my eyes when she tells me "I love you" because how could that be? How could she love me when she knows all of this...and does nothing.

Hand job, fellatio, or even real sex...if she loved me, why would it be so hard for her to just do it to make me happy. Is it that awful and horrible of an act to do to your spouse you claim to love. Is it so freaking hard to just touch me. Is it so miserable to make love to your spouse? I now have been resenting her as selfish...totally freaking selfish. I feel used. I feel like a tool. I feel like I'm easily replaceable. If she doesn't need me for intimacy, then all I offer can be replaced by a handyman, a babysitter, child support and alimony.

I live in constant fear of when she will figure that out. When she will figure out that she really doesn't love me. So...I keep giving all and getting nothing. I am growing weak.

I keep looking inward to myself to find the problem, as I feel that somehow if I was different, better, etc., that she would find passion for me. I have read so much online, bought books on how to please her in bed, embarrassingly got one Viagra pill (55 freaking dollars after co-pay). I stay hard just fine...but I was so low in self esteem, I thought maybe there was something wrong with me physically. Never even used it...cause I don't have that problem. It's just another reminder now of how pathetic I am. I keep trying to better myself to make her love me enough to want me. NOTHING. I sometimes ask myself...what does her response of "I'll try to do better" mean? Huh? I feel if that was true, that SHE would be the one searching online "why don't I want my husband" or she would be going to the doctor, "doctor, why am not interested in sex with my husband" or she would be buying books or whatever. Why the hell am I the one feeling so broken, worthless, bad husband, bad lover.

I keep doing more chores, more time with kids, giving her massages (with no strings attached), giving her space, giving her all I possibly can, doing everything I read that a "good" husband should do...and should result in her want for me... Why? because I cannot lose this family. I cannot believe she is cheating on me. I cannot believe that even with her common low-libido problem that it is just impossible for her to just make me feel loved.

When I go through periods where I stop blaming myself, as I try to boost my self-esteem, it always results in my resenting her, so then I go back to hating myself.

Blaming myself and hating myself is seriously affecting me in so many ways and it taking it's toll. She knows it...but continues to let it happen.

How can this be love? It is not.

I have the same story as all these people do. I am a 41 year old female, and in the last few weeks I have been hit with an over-the-top insatiable libido. It leaves me miserable all day long. Even sex every day is not enough. Is there anything I can take to get rid of this? I am already taking Vitex (Chaste-Tree Fruit) tincture. Drinking peppermint tea. I think I need a medication and I'm not sure which one to take.

I am a 19 year old male with a girl friend of the same age, and of course with many of the problems stated above. I have never bothered to reply to a thread before, but I feel so strongly about this one, I can't help it.

My sex drive is high, my girlfriend goes to school 300+ miles away and I get to see her every few weeks and on college breaks. When I see her my sexual desire for her skyrockets but she's paranoid and thinks that every time we engage in sexual activity she's pregnant. We don't have sex.

The first few months of dating were great for sexual activity, but before I knew it I was sexually frustrated. I have been sexually frustrated for the majority of our relationship, but because I love her I have tried to talk it out. All this does is upset her and force me to apologize for having a sex drive.

I like many on this thread feel unwanted and unloved. It has gotten to the point that even on my birthday all I ask for is a little intimate time, and even then she denies me. She says she wants to make me happy and she knows that I want her but she is reluctant to get intimate. I am tired of having to comfort someone who would do this to me so consistently. Its baffling that this is even a problem for me.

Ryan, I have the SAME exact issue as you. I'm 33 and my partner is 38. The only thing we still argue about is wanting it and him not wanting it. I know he loves me, but I feel like I just don't do it for him. I wonder if it is my attitude or personality that turns him off because based on his comments about other men, I know I have the body type and looks that he's attracted to. It really sucks. Glad to know we're not the only ones with this issue.

I am in a very very similar situation, however I do know my wife loves me, but I do agree she doesn't care about my sexual frustration and how I live wrapped in it everyday. I'm not sure what it is, but she is the same way, get annoyed sometimes when I try to kiss her, get annoyed sometimes when I try to touch her ect ect ect, sometime I do actually fee like she is in love with the idea of me, the idea of marriage, our family, which I absolutely love, my family, my kids, are the world to me.

I am in the same situation as many people here, I am willing to give up the passionate life I so deeply crave to live with my kids, to wake up with them everyday and have them run and hug me every evening. Its just too bad I have to sacrifice the type of relationship I want to have with my wife to be with the kids, but if thats the case then so be it, I am willing to give that up.

Anyway...yes I would LOVE something to help me not think about sex, honestly I just want to get it out of my head completely. I don't want to lose my wife, we get along and I think make a great pair of parents (maybe its wrong but I feel like this whole thing is my fault, me wanting sex too much, and much better sex as well) I have been looking online for awhile to find something that will lower my sex drive, unfortunately I think I have come to the conclusion that there really is nothing out there for it.

I am 24yrs old married woman. i have year old child. I got married 3yrs back, in the initial days of my married life, i had the normal drive for sex just like my husband did. but now , our relationship has undergone so many problems that i don't feel like making love for my husband anymore. i don't mind if he sees any other woman outside our relationship. How do i lower or supress or totally eradicate my sex drive???

I know that you would feel weird listening to this but it is true. i cannot sleep with a man when i do not love him and cannot pretend to love when i know that he does not loves me as well. so plz give a suggestion.

I have lived a sexless life for over 30 years (once a month if lucky). It does not get better, only worse. You can spend tens of thousands on therapy, it does not help. The one with the higher sex drive is is always on the losing side.

My wife feels that she is a whore if she has sex when she does not want it. On top of that, she has had several affairs in the beginning. Now she says that she actually has a healthy sex drive, but is not interested in me for all kinds of reasons. (I am good looking and in good heath.)

It is hard to generalize, but frankly, if I had known 30 years ago what I would have to put up with then I would have run from this relationship. I love my wife deeply, but the resentment that builds because of sex starvation is so debilitating that it is hardly worth it.

I am 62 years old now and looking at this thread, believe me, if you are still young, don't do what I did. It will not get better. Therapy will not help and may even make things worse. Get all of your courage and start over. There is something wrong with men or women in relationships who have "low sex drives". They have the problem, yet you have to suffer. They are perfectly fine with the situation.

i have an extremely high sex drive and my boyfriend has none at all. i love him so much but i dont know how to get past this bump in the road. i dont wanna cheat on him cause i love him so much but these urges are so intense that it's all i can think about for days. what can i do?

i feel your situation, unfortunately for everything I read from whatever one says, and from my own experience, it doesnt seem to get better. Even though, in my situation, my wife is "trying" it just doesnt seem to be working, having someone being sexual or passionate just for the sake of the other person just isnt the same thing as someone really wanting you really needing your touch and your kiss and the passion.

So as far as my situation again, I am married, (love my wife and family very much) we have children and I do not want to change our family situation at all, so since I do take an antidepressant I have talked to my doctor about changing to one that has been know to kill a person sex drive.

Yes, it might be very sad, in my 30's and taking something to kill my sex drive, is a major obstetrical we can just not get passed, since we have been together 10 years, and well, i guess i am so tired of trying to get her to feel the way i do, its not going to happen.

So I have been married for 9 years and dated my wife for 8 years before we were married. When we were dating we were having sex 2 or 3 times a day even 5 or 6 sometimes when we spent time away from each other.

we now have 2 amazing boys that keep us on our toes at all times. Since we have had our second child who is now 2 1/2 years old, it has killed my wifes drive and mine is still as strong as when we first started dating. I have talked to many people and they have told me that her drive will come back after eventually. Our doctors have told use that at her age being on birth control is a major factor of her lack of drive. However she tells me that she is not interested in getting her drive back.

So I am at the point of trying to kill my drive not slow it down. I actually want to kill my drive because I love my wife and want to make her happy, but where my drive is at I am afraid that I will end up hurting and losing her because I work away from my family all week long, and it would be very easy to find a girlfriend where I work.
Could anyone offer some advice please.

I'm in a similar position to you...

My wife of 11 years is currently taking anti-anxiety medication. She had a low libido to start with (after 3 kids) and now, as a side effect on the medication, it's even lower, close to non-existent. The few times we've had sex (barely once a month) since she's been on the medication, she's not got much out of it and my libido is still as strong as ever.

Not being able to fulfill the physical/intimate part of our relationship is like forcing an addict to go cold turkey, I crave it, it's on my mind all the time, my eyes wander to every skirt I see. I am sad and mopey, even aggro and short tempered with my young children. I'm strong enough to not do anything stupid now, but it's turning my mind into a pretzel and I'm afraid I won't last forever.

I totally understand what my wife is going through but I'm struggling to keep my brain/body in check and it's driving me mental. All I want to do is control it, reduce the urge/libido so that I can be there for my wife when she's ready to be intimate.

Any suggestions/advice would be greatly appreciated.

I'm so glad I found this article. I'm 18 and lately, my hormones have been raging like hell. I seriously want to kill it off or at least decrease it significantly. I'm about to go buy some of that herbal supplement 'Vitex' and hope for the best.
I found this article to be very helpful.

I completely feel for everyone here. CD and JRH I would not allow my wife to sideline my needs like that. Talk to her and tell her how important your needs are and how you have been sacrificing for her. If she is uncaring to even try for you I would let my unhappiness completely be shown. It is the duty of the partner with the lowest sex drive to satisfy the one that wants it!!! Your body is not your own. 1 Corinthians 7 read it.

I came here for a different reason. I'm currently coming out of a relationship where both of us have a high sex drive and I am wanting to suppress mine so I don't do something stupid. I have read some of the women above who have high drives and they say that the men really don't want it, but I disagree. My current had a higher drive than me at first and it was a little forced at first, but I have learned that satisfying my partner even when I have no desire for myself is such a great reward in itself.

For instance one night recently I went down on her for 40 minutes and followed it up with another 20 minutes of intercourse and play. We completely took the time to enjoy each others bodies. Yes I was watching the clock because we were going to make a movie showtime. I felt so completely satisfied in every part of my being. We watched our movie and I was tired and thought we were done for the night. She asked for another round and I was amazed. I didn't initially feel like it, but I agreed. I went down again and had so much fun. Oral is really one of my favorite things and I can go tirelessly for such a long time and she didn't get sensitive because I take so much care to pay attention to her body language. I wound up having just as much fun and satisfaction as the first go round. the point I am trying to make is that these people who "don't feel like it" can come out of their comfort zone and give themselves to the relationship and needs of the other. It really is pride and selfishness that causes one to say no. Put aside your pride and you find enjoyment if not in your own satisfaction, but the satisfaction of your partner. Yes we were ready to go at it again the next night.

Now I am facing the prospect of a dry spell and man I don't like that.

I have been with my boyfriend for two years. Our sexual relationship was good when we first started out. I was more horny than he was, but I put that down to the fact that before getting with him, I was a virgin so I thought it was normal. Then things started to go down hill. First it went down to once a week, then once a fortnight then once a month and now, we haven't has sex in half a year. I'm telling you this to let you know that you're not alone and also to urge you to get this problem sorted ASAP, because it doesn't get easier with time. I'm not saying you should dump him, but I suggest you try to get him to see a doctor or something if it gets much worse. I left it too long and now I am at a point where I feel like we will never have sex again and it is killing me inside. It's lonely and I have no self esteem left. Now I am scraping the barrel for ways to change myself, because I can;t get him to do anything. I am unwilling to cheat and I am unwilling to leave him. I am also very unhappy.

hi, I am a 31 year old woman, with very same problem, I know how you feel, I may even feel worse, I have been crying when ignored, I feel so worthless and unattractive, it hurts so much , I feel cheep, not wanted, and wanting to punish him next time he wants sex, but as it never happens that he start a sex, and even so, I can never turn him down as I really want to use the chance since I am always deprived.....Did you get any answers to your questions? or any solution to your problem? can you please advice me too if u did please, desperately need help here....oh by the way I am married, and we have a beautiful son as well.....

I have been married for eleven years and am very much in love with my husband. He is no longer interested in me.

It is really strange I believe he loves me with all his heart and me vice versa but sex or satisfying my specials needs are not important. He has problems with erection and states that the drugs for this condition are just to expensive, but he spends money on what he wants to spend money on.

I guess since he does not need or want sex any more that that is not a priority to spend money on erection drugs since it seems to be only my problem he doesn't care.

I want and need sex and just need attention. Is there a drug to kill my Libido? I am going crazy without his attention sexually.

You could talk to your physician and see if they have anything for you I am a male with same problem with sex. The only thing I have found so far for me to try is the vitex/chasteberry they say it is good for males at least and so far since taking it I have found my sex drive reduced a little but not very much yet. I am sorry about it driving you nuts. I have gotten used to the rejections and mainly just depresssed.

I'm 19 year old and I'm virgin. I've no boyfriend, I think I not ready to have sex because I can trust no one. The guys in my country are vulgar. They like to tell their friends after have sex with girl and take it as a joke.

That makes me feel very bad but I can't stop my horny. I don't know what to do now. Can anybody give me an advice? I tried hard to find the way to stop it, go to gym, Masturbate, read some books but I can't stop it as well.

PS. sorry if there're inappropriate words.

isnt it absolutly miserable!! you and i are rowing the same boat my friend. im at a total loss, and it makes me crazy! i replied to your comment, just due to the fact that talking to someone, anyone, about this will maybe pass the time away so i wont think about it.

As seen, it is an important problem for many people. It would be great to find a safe medication to solve it.

Hey everyone, I'm glad I'm not the only one with this problem, though I wish none of us had it. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years and for the most part our relationship is really great. He is very considerate and affectionate in general but for the last year his sex drive has been about zero. We've had sex fewer times this year than I can count on both hands.

When we first got together we couldn't get out of bed. Then at the beginning of the year he was going through some personal problems and we didn't have sex for over five months. At first I was understanding and didn't even bring it up for three months. I finally said something and he said it was just because he was severely stressed. He said that he couldn't even get aroused anymore at all and if it continued to be the case he would go see a doctor.

Now he is physically capable of...ahem " parking the car in the garage" but he still has very very little interest. I try talking with him about it and he just gets hostile or blows me off. I've tried every trick in the book; surprising him with little outfits, sending dirty pictures, taking sexy showers, and most of the time I'm rejected or I can tell he's just doing it to make me happy. I know we won't go back to twice a day but I wish I could get once a week. I understand not always being in the mood, but if roles were reversed I would get myself in the mood for him. In fact, even when we do have sex we do all of his favorite positions because I figure its the "least I could do". I can't remember the last time I was on top.

Last night we watched "Take This Waltz" and the couple in it has the same problem. She said to him at one point "it takes all of my courage to seduce you and you're teaching me not to be brave." I've been crying on and off for a day straight because I have said that exact thing to my boyfriend. I don't understand how to make him understand how it makes me feel when he turns me down and how by him not initiating anything ever, I feel rejected again. It's getting worse and it's starting to put strain on our relationship. I find myself being suspicious of him all of the time because I convince myself he's cheating on me or that he doesn't love me and just doesn't know how to tell me, though he swears neither of those things are true.

I don't want pills and frankly it bothers me that I'M the one who has to change when I don't feel like I'm the problem. I'm hoping there's an exercise or an herb or something that would help.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I know exactly how you feel, and it's not only just the sex, it's everything that goes along with it. It's the craving of wanting to hold her in my arms every night, of wanting her to just lay on my chest and rub my body, of wanting to be wrapped up in each other.

My wife and I have sex every now and then when it gets to the point where I am completely and utterly frustrated, but that is just not the same. You still miss the feeling of being wanted and needed by your partner. When we do have sex, it's just an awkward all around situation. I know she is doing it just because I am totally frustrated--so my head doesn't explode. That's not the same as having someone want you and need you, and it hurts every day. And it just grows worse and worse, even to the point now that I am NOT interested in having sex with her because it is so awkward and uncomfortable and cold, and I know she's doing it just so I am NOT totally frustrated, not because my wife truly craves me.

I feel your pain, and yes, I really wish there was something I could do to not think about this. But you're right: why should I change? Why is it wrong for me to want to have an incredible intimate life with my wife? To want to hold and be with her all the time? We don't have to have sex every night, but I would love for her to lay in my arms and be attracted to me. I want her to truly want me.

This is unreal that so many people are going through what I'm going through. I can tell you the day our sex life took an immediate dive. 6 years ago my wife fell on some ice after work and hurt her hip. She went to the doctor the next day and he prescribed her narcotic percocet pain pills. She got addicted to them unfortunately and ever since she has had zero sex drive.

I have sat down and talked with her about this several times but it goes nowhere. Im to the point that divorce seems inevitable. I would be happy with 2-3 times per week but lucky to get sex once a month and thats only after im so pissed off about it shes just does it to shut me up.

After that long she will still have the nerve to roll over in the bed and tell me to hurry the F up and get this over with. Im so sick of this I cant explain my frustration. I've read alot of the above post and can totally relate to how you just yern for your wife to desire you and want you, but that has been so long for me that I dont remember how it feels.

I know that if a woman showed me the passion and desire I yearn for that my wife will be getting left real quick. It troubles me to say that, but I can only take so much.

Cannot believe I found this forum from goggle searching for something that would lower my sex drive. Obviously looks like nobody actually knows anything for that though. I was hoping to find something I could pick up at the local pharmacy or vitamin store. Not looking to go to the doctor and get prescibed some bs that screws me up in every other way than what im lookin for. I wish everyone luck with this problem.

I'm so glad I found this site. I truely thought something was wrong with me. I have a very high sex drive I always have and wish I didn't. My boyfreind doesn't seem to have any intrest in sex at all. I feel rejected, unattractive, and "broken".

My boyfreind actually made a comment the other day that I should have been a boy with the sex drive I have. Ouch that hurt.

I'm to the point that I cry most of the time I don't sleep very much. This is tearing me apart. I love him very much and I know he loves me but, I'm beginning to think I can't live like this. Is there really medication that can lower a person's sex drive?

Tony, you are lucky, you have youth on your side - run while you still can. I am forty four and have fifteen years invested in my relationship. Some great years and then some very hard ones. I feel like I can't give up now but you can. You can get a life with someone who fulfills you in every way. I wish you all the best.

I always think there is a reason for everything. I was married for 20 years. Raised by a mom who said sex is fun and both parents seemed to enjoy sex and find each other sexy. My husband and I had a good physical relationship. Frequency was a couple of times a week. Have to admit there was a lot of partying (alcohol), that could have caused us to be more casual with each other. Too much alcohol caused a divorce.

So, then I dated a lot of men. Not tons, but you know, a few here and there over the years that I was divorced. EVERY serious relationship included good sex. Some better than others. Some had issues, but nothing that stopped the sex...

Then I met a man who I have now been living with for almost 10 years. I noticed early on that he didn't initiate much. He did at first, but then we would go away for a weekend of fun and ... nothing! hmmm. So I asked him about it. He said I should just let him know when ever I wanted sex. Are you kidding? That means he never wanted it? Well.. that is off balance for me.

While most everything else is good in our relationship, he never tells me I am pretty (unlike all the other men I've known). When we get ready to go out, all dolled up, he asks me how good he looks! I've joked with him and talked with him seriously and a few years in (perhaps I said something that he will never get over, but I don't know that... he just doesn't talk about it). We started sleeping separately. He gained weight but is still super handsome and he complained of severe back pains the morning after sex and after sleeping in bed with me.

I've given up. I don't feel attractive. I have no interest in having sex with someone who doesn't find me attractive and with the added weight, he crushes me when he is on top. So, we no longer have sex. I miss it, but I am unwilling to work on something when the other person is not willing to work on it too. That just seems hopeless to me.

It is unfortunate, but reading this site, I can see there are probably many, many small reasons we don't have sex. Could be the balance of power in the relationship. Could be that we never drink, so we never get silly. Could be the weight. Could be that I don't touch him in the right way. He pets me hard like you would tussle with a big dog. Never gentle. Could be childhood messages that he did or didn't get from his parents. His ex-wife left him because she had sex with someone else. I frankly can't blame her, but I would never cheat on him, because he is good to me in so many other ways.

Could be so many things. It's OK. We have a nice life, 24 hours a day, he is kind to me. I appreciate hearing from everyone on this site, that so many others are facing the same situation as I am. In this puzzle I think we should all be open to the possibilities that it could be something so difficult to say, or if said, hurts the other person so deeply. Sometimes, things don't fit right, don't feel right, there are deep childhood messages that might be too overwhelming to tackle.

Thank you all for sharing.

I am a 21 year old female and swear I have a male libido.

Most guys would find that attractive but of course I had to fall madly in love with a guy who has a low limbido. Every time I go to him and try to let him know I'm in the mood he pushes me away or groans like "not again!"

I feel like I'm annoying him constantly! I also can't help but feel like I'm unattractive or unwanted. We get into fights frequently because of it and I feel like I'm the cause of it even though I can't help it!

I get so frusterated at him and at myself. I just wish my sex drive was gone! I don't want to depend on pills but heard sodas and licorice lower sex drive.

I'm cramming in as much of that as I can but is there Anything else???
Please help~ashley


Please do NOT overdose on licorice and soda! Although it is true that licorice can lower libido by affecting hormone levels, it can affect the body in many other ways. Too much natural licorice can lead serious side effects. This comes from the entry in our Herb Library under Licorice:

Adverse Effects of Licorice:

• High blood pressure
• Low levels of potassium
• Fluid retention and swelling of the face and limbs
• Hormonal imbalance, and muscle destruction leading to pain and weakness

A woman ate too much licorice candy lost a great deal of potassium; her heart stopped.
Licorice can also change heart rhythms, prolonging QT and PR intervals on an electrocardiogram.
Lethargy and fatigue as well as weakness are part of the picture of licorice toxicity.

Many of the negative symptoms associated with licorice are due to its ability to inhibit the renin-angiotensin system. Elderly people in particular are susceptible to kidney problems as a consequence of licorice.

Paralysis of the legs (and in one case, of all of the limbs) has been reported. A sixty-four-year-old man developed pulmonary edema, signaled by fatigue and trouble breathing, after eating four packages of black Twizzlers licorice candy in three days. This case demonstrates how quickly a serious reaction can arise.

Licorice can reduce thyroid gland activity and lower the basal metabolic rate.

As for too much soda, the impact on your weight and metabolism are well established.

We hope you can encourage your partner to engage in couples counseling. That would be a far healthier way to deal with the frustration you are going through. Sex counseling might also be beneficial.

I typed in libido suppresent and I came across this site. My husband and I have been together for over 16 years. I'm only 34 he's a few years older and we have 2 kids; but I'm the one who wants to have sex MORE.

I love him he really is a great guy but sex once every two-3 months is so frustrating to me. I would prefer 2-3 a week.

What I dot understand is that I initiate over 95% of the time and I'm rejected 94.5% of the time.

I try not to ask but it's so hard to just keep my drive to myself. I want the intamacy it's not just te sexual act. Sometimes I just cry myself to sleep feeling so rejected- that's the hardest part.

He says he loves me I tell him I have needs and I just feel insignificant in his life. On his priority list I don't even think I make it on the list.

I honestly feel like I'm going to burst.
I work and am busy with the kids and I still express interest. The saddest thing is I can't even get him to sleep with me he usually "falls" asleep on the couch- which is ironic bc when he did sleep in the bed all I ever wanted was him to touch in some sort of way then I became so resentful and it was hard to just lay there with him I wished he would sleep on the couch. Now I'm just behind lonely.

But since I will never step out in him this is what I have to look forward too i wih I could just take a pill to make me not interested in him.

I understand your frustration I have the same problem. I to wish there was some kind of magic pill to shut off my sex drive.

CD and JRH (re your comments fr June of last year) I read hundreds of these and CD yours looks like a carbon copy of my predicament. I'm also amazed at how many women have posted and how similar their stories are to the men's. it's oddly comforting.

That said, may we all find resolution. I refuse to believe its a sin or social malady to have a high sex drive. The issue is compatability. Unfortunately, when there are children, wonderful children involved, your life isn't so much about you anymore.

CD, you said your wife's libido dropped like Facebook stock (thought we all could use some humour) when she started taking anti anxiety medication. It seems to me you have all our answer.

Start taking it. Moreover, tell us all what it is! It seems we are all sick of dealing with a common issue, love our SOs and just want it (libido) to go away. I don't care about side effects.

Did any of you find a product to help? This is a problem I am also having. I will not give any details. But really need help. And dose it help from feeling so very depressed?

I don't know what to do any more. I have a very high sex drive. I could do it 3 times a day or more.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and live together. At first things were good...we had sex about 3 times or more a week. Now he doesn't want it at all or at least not with me.

I have tried to talk to him about what is going on and why. He tells me he doesn't crave sex, he doesn't like doing "it" during the day time, he says he is tired, he even will fall asleep while I am stroking his cock and he is hard (or maybe he is just pretending so he doesn't have to have sex with me).

Yet, I have found out he is surfing porn and jacking off every time he is home alone. I don't understand. I have bought sexy nighties, suggested watching porn together, I tell him daily how handsome and sexy he is and yet nothing.

I am 51 and look pretty good for my age. I stay fit at 115 pounds and I'm 5 ft 2 in. I don't want my sex drive any more. It hurts too much to be rejected and turned down time and time again. There has to be something to turn a woman's sex drive off.

Go to a professional counselor or a member of the clergy to all of those who are having problems including unhappyman. Seek advice now.

I'm in the same situation, and it hurts so bad when my husband rejects me which is most of the time. And on the "special" occasion when we do have sex, he doesn't satisfy me because he only last for about 5min.

He used to practise self restraint but now he only cares about his satisfaction. I have talked to him about this but it always ends in an argument.

He doesn't touch me or kiss me during that 5min. I must just sit on him or he will lay behind my back and do what needs to be done. If he does touch me he squeezes my breast and gives me a kiss then he enters me and everything is over.

I end up crying everytime. To the outside world he is the charmer of ladies, flirts, but when it comes to sex with me then its always an issue.

I rather want to supress my sexual desire than be so unhappy.

Been interesting and comforting to know there are many out there, men and women, in same sort of predicament. My wife and I have had several amicable and positive discussions about the minimal sexual relations in last 10 yrs of our 30+ year marriage. Her lack of interest but preparedness to satisfy me is appreciated and reassuring, and I think shows that our relationship is solid on love if not sex.

But when we do get start to get intimate, I can't get my brain past the 'she's not REALLY interested' frame of mind and that gets in the way, for me at least. It's not a matter of rejection or lack of desire on my part - I just don't want to do things to her when, by my perception at least, she's not really interested. And I definitely don't want to hurt her, physically or emotionally.

A recent discussion brought out that there needs to be more 'romance' involved. I'm a guy - what does romance really mean? In the movies it usually means the stars end up in bed! Any women out there with any [polite] definitions / suggestions / recommendations? For many years the standing joke between us was..... He's breathing - He's ready for sex !!. In many ways that is still true - but maybe getting older (mid 50's) is the problem.... maybe we start to think too much? Thinking things like... Is this what she wants? What does she want? Am I being anything like romantic?

Comments and suggestions welcome and appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to read this mini-novel.
(Yes - mid 50's - and still breathing and still....)

To me romance is...

When you notice that I'm pretty. So when we are getting ready to go out, you mention how good I look (not how good you look... ). Say you like her legs, her eyes, her hair looks good today. She has a nice neck, nose, skin, you love her voice, she smells good and you can't get enough of it. Say anything that shows you noticed how attractive she is. You only need to say one or two of those things a day. Say something that indicates that you see her and she looks good.

Do not say you think other women are attractive, do not be looking at other women when your woman is on your arm or out with you. Don't be crass. Don't criticize other women. Be nice.

Touch her the way she wants to be touched, not like petting a dog. Don't scratch her with a jagged nail. Her skin is soft and delicate and needs to be treated softly and tell her you like her soft skin and how she smells. Bring her a glass of wine or champagne. Touch her gently and hopefully at some point she will tell you she likes how you touch her, and then keep touching her that way. Maybe offer to give her a back massage. Wait for it and she will hopefully smile gently and you will know that's a good way. If you pet her like a dog/cat or don't touch her in a way that she likes, she will avoid being touched. Really listen to her gentle messages.

If she doesn't give you gentle messages, ask her to tell you what she likes. You try something and she doesn't have to say stop (because she won't want to criticize you), but ask her to let you know with a smile or a sound that lets you know when you are touching her in a good way.

At some point, women also like you to get more physical and strong... but the romance part starts the first moment you see her in a day. Say something about what's pretty about her.

Every time you tell her something about her is pretty/attractive to you (if you do that even once a day), she will begin to know that in your opinion, she is the one who does it for you.

Just being ready may make her feel like you could be looking at a magazine or a stranger. Having only eyes for her and saying it can help...

I'm one of the people on this discussion who was told, 'just tell me when you are interested...' and most important when we go out, is how good he looks. Never a compliment to me unless I ask how I look. That's not romantic.

Just sharing with you what I wish I could hear every day. Just one comment when leaving the house or when I get home would be so romantic! I hope this helps you and your loving wife.

I have been married for 12 years and for the first 5 years our sex life was great. We struggled to have our first (and only) child and once she was born our intimate contact generally got worse and worse. Then after a family issue I can honestly say I have not had real sex with my wife for the best part of 2 years.

I am dedicated to my lady and have to bash myself over the raft of muchly appreciated sites out there, its just a shame that sex cannot be taken out of the relationship as I would love to meet a lady who is equally as committed to her partner but just has the same drive I do and keep my wife but sadly I am destined for sexless marriage. I am slowly going mad, have searched pretty much every bit of smut out there and think I have seen it all now to the point where I think I have to have the real thing.

I think it will end up with me going crazy or ending my marriage as the feeling of frustration to me is like being in a nice car but having no petrol to drive so I'm stuck in the seat and cannot do anything else. I waste so much time on adult sites to.. messed up 37 year old :-(

It sounds like a physical issue. I suggest that she makes a doctors appointment and find out what the problem is. I will be praying for both of you.

I want to say that my lover left me in April. During one long month I have contacted many casters and bought almost ten spells without results. My ex wouldn't contact me, wouldn't answer my calls and emails. But I never lost hope because I knew we were soul mates. Dr. Abu cast the most wonderful spell for me 2 weeks ago and everything has changed since then. We are close to each other again and he is calling me many times everyday. Thank you Dr. Abu of, your help is very appreciated! I will keep in touch.

I've been married now for 5 years and after 2 children my loving wife's sex drive has dropped, where mine has always been very high. I was wondering is there any way to lower a mans sex drive, if so what??

I must say after reading all of you comments, it's nice to know that you are sharing your frustrations and trying to find answers. I'm not married, but have a sex drive when I am not on antidepressants.
To be honest, I could see myself living with a person whom I loved for the rest of my life, but as for sex, I think it would get old fast. I'm not sure that I understand, the wanting to have sex with the same person every time. Though that is my belief system, I don't believe on cheating. I just think I would get to a point where it was old.

I haven't read all of the postings, but it maybe that you need to start to communicate better with one another. For those with low sex drives, you my have low hormones, or maybe you are depressed, or have another thing going on, anxiety, too much going on, constantly worrying, you may not feel sexy any more, there is a whole host of things that can make your sex drive low, even the medications you take.

Those with high sex drives, I don't know what to tell you, I mean antidepressant can surely put a damper on your sex drive, but I am not really into using meds, for something like that unless it was a last resort.

It seems to me, that both parties need to communicate more, what there needs are, and why they don't feel they want sex. I would definitely look for a good sex therapist, to maybe help you find some areas that maybe causing you a problem, and I would also see about going to a specialist doctor, probably an endocronologist and having your hormones checked. Maybe something is out of balance. I believe using hormones to bring things into balance should be taken with serious consideration, as hormones can cause problems. But if you need them you need them. I have to take them because my body isn't making as much as I am supposed to have. Please don't give up on your relationships, without first doing some detective work and seeing deep into what might be going on. Each of us have different needs, and you may just have to do a little more give and take on each side. I wish you all the best. I hope that we can all find a solution to our issue.

I see your post was 5 years ago, what was the answer in the end?

This is very similar to my problem. Only one child. In my forties involved in a very loving relationship with a man I would like to spend the rest of my life with. He is on a long list of medication that kills his sex drive. Mine is through the roof. I would be happy if I could make love with him twice a day and am lucky if I can convince him twice a month. I am trying not to get hurt, but I need some help.

All I can say is NEVER GET MARRIED! I wrecked my life by marrying.

I'm in my 30s & he's 40. I laugh at people here complaining about only a few times a week or monthly. I'd love to get laid that often!

I'm lucky if I get once a year, after begging of course. I've told him since he can't man up and do his job, I'm going to find it elsewhere. He's left me no choice. I see the only way to kill libido is with antidepressants. I can't take them, they make me looney (as I don't need them, but I have tried them).

I'd love to know of something I could take to make me hate sex like normal people. Don't ruin someone's life by lying to them pretending to like sex when you actually hate it, then wonder why they cheat on you.

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