sexually frustrated couple

Check your email and chances are you will find spam. Even with a filter to block out unwanted messages, some junk slips through. These ads frequently offer to enhance your sex life.

But what if you don’t want a more active sex life? We frequently hear from women who would prefer to dampen their partners’ desire: “Can saltpeter lower a man’s sex drive? If not, is there a natural herb that will?”

Saltpeter (potassium nitrate) has been used in fertilizer and fireworks. It was also used at one time to cure meats. Although it has a reputation for lowering libido, this is a myth. Potassium nitrate could be dangerous if consumed, however. It can cause kidney damage or anemia as well as headaches and digestive distress.

As for natural herbs to reduce libido, there is only one we know of. It is chaste tree berry (Vitex agnus-castus). This herb was known as “monk’s pepper” and was purportedly used to dampen libido in the Middle Ages.

Women aren’t the only ones who are interested in suppressing sex drive. One reader recently contacted us with this question: “I desperately need your help. Neither my primary doctor nor my psychiatrist is interested, so I turn to you.

“What can I take to reduce my libido? I have a lovely wife who for the last seven years has not been interested. She is the only person in my life. Your input on this would help keep me from driving myself nuts as well as her. I’m currently taking lithium, sertraline, lorazepam and trazodone. After the ridicule both doctors put me through, I certainly hope you can help.”

Your physicians should not be giving you any grief, especially since the combination of medicines you are taking could be hazardous. What’s more, trazodone may be aggravating your situation.

Ask a urologist or a specialist in sexual medicine whether a medication for prostate enlargement might be safe for you. Drugs such as Avodart or Proscar can sometimes lower libido as a side effect. That is because they block the conversion of testosterone to dihydrotestosterone (DHT).

Progesterone is another hormonal treatment that may be useful in suppressing sexual interest. This drug does have numerous side effects, however, so you will need to discuss it in detail with your physician. The herb Vitex appears to have a mild, progesterone-like effect and may be safer.

Counseling is essential, regardless of drug treatment. Although your wife is not interested, physical intimacy is usually part of a wholesome relationship. Invite your wife to join you in therapy with an expert who specializes in human sexuality.

We would like to send you a CD of a recent hour-long radio show interview we did with one of the country’s leading experts in sexual medicine. Irwin Goldstein, MD, is Director of Sexual Medicine at Alvarado Hospital in San Diego and Editor-in-Chief of the Journal of Sexual Medicine. During the interview, he addressed problems of both high and low libido as well as erectile dysfunction and other sexual problems.

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  1. neil

    i have looked up sugical carstration but you can still achieve an erection and would possibly need female hormone to lower sex drive completely.I do not know any doctors that would do this unless you have testeticle cancer if someone knows any doctor that would do this opperation I would like to hear from you

  2. Steven
    Orange CA

    I’m a 59 y/o male with hyperactive sex drive that cause erectile dysfunction problems. Had to use herbs to reduce libido and assist in limiting orgasms to once every 2 weeks to maximize semen build-up and maintain erectile strength necessary for men as they get older. Found that several herbs can assist in different ways. Licorice root causes sluggishness and caused loss of libido interest. Hops made erection difficult. Valerian acted as a relaxant that reduced the libido need. During periods of immediate desire for ejaculatory release, found 2 herbs that caused immediate loss of desire and/or inability to achieve orgasm. Vitex taken cause sudden fluid release (“pre-cum” or “wet-dream” situation) that relieved sexual tension without full orgasm and removed continued sexual desire for lengths of time. Damianna for me ran counter to claims of being and aphrodisiac (like Maca) and terminated sexual libido through the inability to sustain erections for long periods allowing me to move onto other things. The latter two herbs appear to have positive impact on female hormones, consequently negative impact to male hormones. These are personal findings and all people are different. All herbs should be used cautiously with research on dosages, side effects (such as blood pressure), etc. Some of these though are very good at helping overcome overactive male libido to maintain male chastity and orgasm denial for longer periods of time.

  3. Uttam
    New Delhi-India

    I am a male of 49 years of age and want to fully stop urge for sex due to various reasons.

    I feel strong desire for sex almost twice a day and feel guilty & feel myself an animal

    Since I do not have any partner to live with, I fully need to supress or I will become unsocial element. Please advise me some “Ayurvedic Medicines to stop it. Please send it on my below email id.

  4. darren

    My 45yr old wife has hypothroidism and early menopause. Her libido is non existant. No passion, no desire, no french kisses and never wants sex. We cuddle and kiss and are very much in love after 25yrs and 3 kids. Problem for me is that i am going crazy with sexual frustration. I found this site whilst looking for libido suppressant. When we hug and kiss i am left horny as hell. My wife is amazing, she would do anything i ask to release that frustration but knowing she really doesnt want to, makes it feel wrong. How can i let go and make passionate love to the woman of my dreams who feels no desire or sexual pleasure? It would be an act of selfish pleasure and not one of making love. I love her and could never cheat on her, she is my true love. She is taking supplements and seeing a herbalist and we are both hoping. I just want to be able to lay with my wife and kiss and cuddle without feeling frustrated, rejected, unwanted etc etc etc. My wife worries i will find someone else but i want to b with her only and she with me. Btw before hypothroidism and menopause our sex life was amazing. If i can rid myself of my libido then my wife will be free of feeling she isnt enough woman for me anymore. And i could stop being tempted to look at porn. I managed to be completely celibate for 9 months last year. Wifey was amazed. I am 47, train hard and my libido seems too be getting higher. Help?????

  5. Natalie
    West Midlands

    I’m a 33 yr old woman and I have a much higher sex drive than my partner and am starting to resent him for not wanting me and am terrified that it’s going to kill our relationship. Help?

  6. K
    New York

    I’m 26 and I feel like my libido is in overdrive. I know I’m young and I guess my hormones are jumping but being that I’m single and I don’t do the whole multiple partner thing I’m limited to the amount of sex I have. I feel like I’m going crazy at times. I wake up it’s on my mind, I’m at work and it’s on my mind, and of course I go to bed with it on my mind. Idk what to do.

  7. Kimberly

    I hate having such a strong sex drive. I feel like I’m the only female that has this problem. It makes me feel unwanted and not loved. We seem to fight about this issue more and more I don’t know what to do or how to feel about it. I hope that there is something i can take to stop my sex drive.

  8. JAMES

    This problem is very difficult on both sides of coin. If you are a Husband like myself who has to struggle with a hyper-sex drive and your wife doesn’t, it can hurts. However, my main concern is not me but my wife because she is willing but any woman has her limits. I don’t know of any drug that you can take, but I do know that over the years the only thing that has been able to help me is prayer and reading my bible. This helped take my focus off of my desires and place them somewhere else and other people.

    I will be in prayer for all of you because I know what you are going through. You are faithful to your spouses, and you just want to be fair and do the right thing.

    Thanks for Sharing!!

    • Rt
      Non-US State

      I too have a very strong sexual drive.. It’s killing me.. My husband prefers masturbating watching porn rather than having sex with me.. We have had this conversation about how dissatisfied I m with our sex life with him.. He says he understands what I m going through but then we are back to square one.. He does not do anything about it.. I m so frustrated all the time that it is killing my feelings for him.. I don’t know what to do

  9. Rufuss
    Sydney - Australia

    Wow – i am more comforted but the comments than the article – i am SO glad im not alone.
    Married for 15 yrs, still in love and MADLY attracted to my wife who is a very attractive girl making it worse.
    Looking at my relationship, i have found we rarely fight over anything other than my frustration at the lack of intermate time, which i believe is a integral part of a healthy relationship.
    If i was able to reduce my libido, we would have next to no reason to argue.
    What i would give to reduce my frustration….because as it is i find it impacts on: Home, Work & Social life.
    Sometimes i think it would be easier to cheat, but its just not in me to do so – its not just cheating on ur wife but, since once it goes wrong it impacts on ur kids lives, to me u are cheating on ur whole family.
    Best wishes to u all, personly im giving the ‘Monks Pepper’ a go if i can find it!

  10. Troll

    I have been with my husband for 12 years, we were amazing together. The last year has been rough. He has high blood pressure now. The meds they gave him kill everything. I feel so selfish, but even the way he looks at me is different. I realay just want my sex drive to die too

  11. spectrum
    woodinville wa

    Thanks for the thoughts on herbal remedies for “excessive” sex drive and for the CD recommendation.

  12. Willing and able

    Sounds like there are a lot of people in the same boat. I’m suprized there are no drugs that can help us lower our labito. Its getting more difficult to stay in a relationship that only varies from “rarely” to “zero”.

  13. Jeff

    I don’t know about women but for me getting off the caffeine helped me not to be less aroused all the time.
    Caffeine is a powerful stimulate.

    • Dave

      That explains alot for me…

  14. DS
    in a messed up mind

    I don’t want to continue in this way either. I have been with the girl I love–madly, deeply in love for 14 years. We may as well be married, but we aren’t. I cannot, and will not cheat on her just because I (as far as she is concerned) have a high sex drive. I need this to stop being a problem because this IS tearing us apart. I can count on one hand how many times we have made love or even got intimate.

    I am already seeing a psychiatrist. I have a new diagnosis of ADHD, and CP. And then throw in how worthless I truly feel, how I want to smash that damn mirror in the hallway just so I can’t see the reflection in it. Finding someone else is not an option. It never will be. She is all I want to live for, and every reason to stop breathing. Please tell me there is some type of sexual depressant. I don’t recognize me anymore, so I can only imagine what she sees.

    • Lonely

      You just saved my life. I am you, you are me. I’m not alone… Literally, you just stopped me from doing something horrible to myself.

  15. Edith

    I am a 53 year old woman and I want desperately to lose my sexy drive altogether. I think about sex all the time, I have no man in my life because of how I look and my age, and I am hoping if I lose my sex drive, then I won’t keep “wanting” a man in my life. I know this probably doesn’t make sense to anyone but it does to me.

  16. di ya
    Bangalore, IND

    Hello ,
    I am 26 and my husband is 31. We have been married for 3 years. I have a group of girl friends who complain about their husbands’ excessive sexual desires, and I am the only one who will be all mouth shut trying to conceal my husband’s non-existent desires. I have been complaining about it with him for years, and he says he’ll change. After that a few days of steamy sex get my hopes up that things are changing but then everything goes back the way it was.

    It is affecting my self esteem, and I feel ugly and less confident. Whenever he approaches, I feel he only does it to satisfy me. I love him a lot, and we are the most loving couple. I definitely don’t want to cheat on him because I love him like crazy. Demanding sex and rejection are hurting my ego. I have decided to stop initiating or demanding. I want to suppress my desires by taking medicines. In India we don’t get spear mint tea. What other options are available.

    Please help. I don’t want to lose a wonderful relationship by cheating on my husband for this.

    • robbie
      Wrexham, UK.

      Hey x. Just want you to know I am in exactly the same boat. Even though it is untrue, I to feel desperate and worthless. I am only 36 this cannot be it….surely. I am an excellent listner so if you ever need to chat, hit me back. Take care hope things work out for you xxx

    • Lonely
      St. Louis, mo, USA

      I’m a male, but my experience is exactly the same. I wish you luck.

      • Kay
        South Africa

        I really thought I was hoping insane. We have a 9month-old baby, I am 31 and my husband is 35, but lately it’s like I beg fir sex and he just rejects me……it really hurts so like you I too want to suppress my sex drive, it’s making hate being in this situation. I feel like you are a photo copy if me, especially the way you describe your feelings. I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS CAN HURT SOOOO MUCH!

    • Rt

      It’s like u have written my story in your post.. God I can do anything to kill my sex drive

  17. ashley E.H.
    Slt Lake City, UT

    I don’t desire to be bisexual. I’d rather be straight and only desiring my husband, although I’m not married yet. I need progesterone or something to control my sexual appetite. And I don’t desire to have anybody else’s husband either.

  18. DB

    I have been with my absolutely perfect girlfriend for almost two years now and I know that she’s the one. We’ve looked at rings and even started planning the wedding. For the first 7 months our sex life was amazing and that’s even an understatement. We were two people craving eachother and I couldn’t beleive that such a beautiful, sexy girl could want me as her man but I felt like I was living in a dream. Then it stopped, it went from twice every other day to twice a month to now once every month or two. I don’t know what to do. We can’t talk about it cause everything we do she tells me that I’m no better then another guy who tries to push their girl into sex. I am so attracted to her, I don’t think about anyone else ever. I want to marry this girl and now that it’s been like this for a year now her patience for me is weakening.

    If I try to make an advance and kiss her neck while feeling her perfect body she pushes me away and tells me to sleep on the floor or in the other room. I don’t know what else to do. I don’t want to lose her. I workout a lot and I worry about taking something to kill my sex drive cause I worry about it effecting my workouts as well cause I know that if I lose my poster boy body she won’t ever want to touch me… Someone please help me

    • Alexander

      You kiss her neck and she tells you WHAT????
      And after that you want to MARRY her? To do what? To sleep on the floor the rest of your life trying to suppress your natural desires?

    • bromane

      I know your pain – I did this for quite a while myself. It really is incredibly rough, and no one should have to endure that. Which is exactly why YOU need to establish that perspective for yourself, through and through. You are presenting yourself as powerless within the context of the relationship, and this is very hard on her, because she needs you to keep it together, be resolute in your decisions, and take on the responsibility of maintaining standards for the household. In committing to her, you are essentially promising to play a critical role in setting up the foundation of your future nuclear family unit.

      The truth of the matter is that she does not find you terribly attractive at the moment because of the polarity of your sex dynamic. You are trying to appeal to her, squandering your time vehemently trying to win her approval, so that she may reward you with sex for your earnest supplications. While this is an unhealthy setup any way you put it, please remember that if either of you is to express your intimacy needs in this way, it is an order of magnitude more preferable for her to take that role instead of you.

      You need to work on valuing yourself as a whole person, without relying on the external validation that sex provides your ego. I am sure she is absolutely wonderful, but I don’t have to know her to know for sure that she is not “absolutely perfect.” Don’t change your life, habits, or yourself over this nonsense. Be prepared to leave the relationship and move on to another woman. Yes I am serious. I don’t care how much you love her – your passivity is making her unhappy, and breaking up may be, but is not necessarily, the best thing for each of you right now.

      You have surrendered your position of dominance and traded it for comfortable submission, which is the biggest attraction-kill for most women. If you knew your worth, you’d be a gentleman and excuse yourself from being such a burden and come back when you’ve brushed up on how to build attraction again. Virtually all female-led relationships are doomed and very likely to end in infidelity and divorce. You have been warned.

      How does one come to these conclusions? Simply watch the days go by and feel the harsh passage of time. Your time is limited, and is this really how you want to let this go down? You have a lot more agency in this life than you think, so either take a risk and stay grounded or forever wonder “what if?”

      • Lonely

        Thank you

    • Mike

      DO NOT MARRY THIS WOMAN. Anyone who holds your well-being in such low regard is not worthy of your commitment. The sea is full of fish. Go find one who values you, your outlook, and your happiness.

    • Dar

      My brother once told me that once the sex is gone its over. At first I thought he was crazy for saying this, but over the years I have found it is very true. Not only the desire for sex from you but the desire for you at all. Sorry but it sounds like she is screwing around on you is that possible? Very pretty girl and very sexually active girl is not a good combination. Sorry you are going through all this.

    • me

      Man, I really dont think reducing your sex drive will be solution to your problems. While some people do have overly active libidos, your sex drive is perfectly normal and I think you should keep it that way. Maybe its not you, but her having some kind of a problem…

  19. fame

    I am so shocked that women have sexual desire and that they long to make love to their spouse’s, mine is a case that I find difficult to understand, my wife of seven years has never had any sexual advances towards me. I am always the one who seems to be on fire for sex this desire is driving me crazy, I am a strong believer in principles of the bible to be faithful to one wife for the rest of your life but I am forced to seek for sexual fulfilment via the Internet by watching women who are hot for their sexual partners, I don’t know how to reduce this crazy desire for sex, o am so stressed up

    • Alexander

      That’s your answer: marry women who have sexual desire and long to make love to their spouse’s. And let asexuals marry each other and everyone will be happy in this world.

      • Sarah

        You can’t always help who you fall in love with.. That theory is illogical and naive.

      • Bruce
        New Mexico

        I am afraid you are right, however you cannot tell who is going to lose their labedo and who is not. My second wife was great for the first two years. Now it’s been over five years sense the last sexual engagement. I think the real problem is not doing anything about it.
        Sometimes I think plural marriage would help because it would give your woman some competition and takes the blame of having a sex drive and puts the pressure on them to make intimacy what it should be.
        I don’t know about all the rest of you guys, but for me I am not going to flush my self-esteem down the toilet because I have a God given sex drive. NO woman is worth throwing your life away to misery because they don’t want you touching their precious little body parts.
        It’s time to do something about this problem!

    • RJ

      The more you think about sex, especially when it’s incorporated in an “entitlement clause,” you will drive yourself crazy. You say good things about the principles, but it’s obvious you haven’t followed with comprehension:
      If a man has a sex drive, and he and his partner don’t discuss it because of insecurities (only insecurities cause doubt, fear, rejection, abondonment, etc.), then it is those insecurities that must be sought out by means of a thorough introspection with your SELF.

      Time and again, men complain about their eye’s “subject,” but has the artist really stepped down to say “My model is done for the day?” Women confess this pain, too: how/ why do men put women on a pedistal? If they are seen as actual equals, with fully functioning sex drives, too, then why do men place women above us? They hate it, and men suffer from it.

      Well, maybe old traditions from our past are what is making things hard. Maybe not. The only thing for certain is that women do not like men suffocating them for sex. Do you and your wife do OTHER fun activities? Or do the two of you just stay home or live different types of lives? How well do you communicate? How often do you both argue over the same topic point, but feel you both are on opposite sides?

      Think about those questions. I had to with my wife, and now we have sex often – she starts it up more than I. And we enjoy each other’s whole company because there is not anything we cannot talk about with each other (of course, if there is a lack of information, we hold off until another time.) I’ve almost lost my wife twice due to this passive habit of thinking, “I’m not sure what’s going on…” and then doing nothing. It’s horrid and dismissive to your spouse. If you don’t know, break it down and kindly tell her that you don’t know what is going on making it clear that this is what you need to do; and you need her to give guidance (the rest is up to you – just as she would have to do the same for herself. It is a two way road to different cities).

    • Don

      I feel you bro… i have the same problem here which make me arrive at this site.
      I was looking for libido suppressant.

  20. Max

    My desire for physical intimacy has outlived its usefulness, and I wish I could eliminate it forever. As a man with two failed marriages behind me, chronic and severe mental problems which prevent me from working or being in any way useful and productive, and an increasing desire to shut myself away from everyone, I despise the physical urges that still remain. Physically, I am utterly repugnant, with a personality to match. As a person, I am at best defective, and at worst a monstrous failure. After forty one trips around the sun, I have come to the conclusion that, for me, there is no quarter from life’s misery and that until I die, things will only get progressively worse. The mere thought of sex is a torment that I am forced to endure, and I do not want this anymore. It is just another facet of myself that I loathe, another weakness and failing that haunts me. I wish I could either rid myself of it or just kill myself outright, but as with everything else in my wretched excuse for a life, I fail every time.

    • MLS

      Hello Max, I am not in any way qualified to help you with the issues you present, but I would strongly encourage you to begin writing, if you are not already in fact a published author. You have a way with words. Take care.

      • Balboa

        We are all here for the same or similar reasons, but after reading your post I am going to agree with MLS, if you are not a writer, you should be. Your words reveal so much, much more than most want to hear, but DO ! Just consider writing or poetry if you haven’t already. Best.

    • Jason

      It is as if I wrote these words myself. Glad to see that I am not alone.

    • Bruce

      Well boys, if you really don’t want to be bothered with a sex drive anymore then there is always casteration! You complain about the way God created you but are you willing to go get your nuts cut out? Stop whining like a little school girl with a hang nail and CHANGE your dam life!
      Are you not the one in control of it? Start by using those dam balls that God gave you and start cleaning house. You will not only get your life back but your whole being will brighten up. It starts with you! If you don’t do something about your situation do you think some one else will continue me in and save you? If you don’t your lovely lady someday will.

  21. jaymetal
    washington dc

    I wish I had the drive as strong as my sex drive to end my life because as much as I desire sex and never receive is making my life miserable. I am in my 50s. Single and alone and have never felt desirable. I never dated and am ugly, heavy and lost hair. Yet, sex feelings are taking over my life. I can’t control the wave of thoughts anymore than I can the ideation to harm myself grossly… I’m at my ends wit. Done.

    • Joe

      Jaymetal I know how you feel we’re in same boat. But hear me out my wife left after gaining weight and getting old. But here’s the thing weight as I have found can be removed it’s taken me a year and I have lost 80 pounds girls are starting notice. As age goes 1 guy I work with is 72 and found a great girl he is overweight too. As far as saying you’re ugly don’t say that I have thought that forever but remember beauty is in the eye of the beholder, meaning she will find you as handsome when you find that right girl. As far as baldness two options rogain or do like my friend he’s a sercurty guard who has baldness we talked every day one day he was telling how didn’t like so I said “why not shave it all off?” The next week he did and you know what he looked better he gave off a strong sense with a intimidating feel which is good as a security guard. One thing a lot of girl have told me is they like confidence and feeling safe. So do things that move you to the perfect you and the ladies will come. My favorite quote I heard on tv is “be the hero you” meaning be the you that you will look up to and after awhile you won’t see your flaws you see your achievements. Oh one last try talking to the next girl you about something you with guy like weather or the news it will help boast your confidence and ladies will talk more when you not trying get them in bed. Try it what do you have to lose? Ps if want to compliment a girl tell her she has beautiful eyes, or her nails they like when you notice the little things.

  22. CO distressed

    I have got a wonderful man for a husband and will marry him over and over again.
    We’ve been married for over three years now and in the first year of our marriage,
    we had a great sex life. Making love like once or twice every other day. By the end
    of the first year, I was pregnant and we both were overly excited. Sex became infrequent and that worried me a bit. When I talked to him about it he just explained
    to me that he sees and loves me in a different way due to the pregnancy. That didn’t sound too good but I was ready to be patient and understanding nevertheless.

    After our son’s birth, it got even worse. I have tried everything from working on my post baby body to wearing sexy lingeries to creating time for romantic evenings and even sincere heart to heart talk but none of that has worked. Its not like he’s tired from work or anything he’s just never in the mood. Seems like I’m the only one wanting him and that doesn’t make me feel good. I want to be wanted too but he hardly ever notices my sexual needs and cravings. I’m lucky if we make love once in 3 to 4 months and thats after I have begged and cried for it. There’s a kind of inner glow and confidence that making love with my husband brings me but now I’m beginning to lose my self esteem.(feeling fat and ugly even though obviously I’m not)

    I love my hubby so much and I know for sure he loves me too. He’s been a loving and caring husband in every other way and God forbid that I cheat on him. But this continued unfulfilled sexual yearning is breaking me and am just plain tired of being rejected all the time and crying myself to sleep. I just want to quench this sex drive and be on the same frequency with my husband,at least that way we’ll both be happy (hopefully) Any help for a distressed housewife?

    • Laurie

      Sounds like your husband has the classic “Madonna/Whore Syndrome.” some men cannot see their wives as sexual anymore when they become mothers because they don’t equate their own mothers with sex. Speaking with a good therapist would probably help.

  23. Jim

    I wish I could just cut off my testicles and be done with it.

    • Bruce

      He’s not so loving to put you through this and you don’t need to degrade your self for it. It only gets worse if you don’t do something about it. Suppression and abstinence is not the answer. Get real help, if that doesn’t work get out or your going to go through hell.

  24. Aimee

    I am a woman who has a high libido. My partner does as well, but not like mine. I want it all the time, and when I get it, I feel great in terms of confidence, my day, and life.

    Yet, I wish I could be “hard to get.” I can’t figure out what to do about this. I want to be the girl who is high sex driven and fun, but my partner wants me to be coy and subtle. How do you just turn it off? It seems no one knows the answer.

    Yet, I wanted to give my opinion to the men. As a woman, it may sound crazy for a man to reject me over and over. In my mind, it would mean that they did not care about my feelings and needs. For those men out there who say that their wives and gfs could care less about sex, that is not ok, in my opinion. I am not saying to leave them (yet), but I do think you deserve to have a conversation about meeting somewhere near the middle.

    You should have a healthy sex life, which means sex sometimes. Not never. Those women who don’t want to have sex when their men want to, they should realize they are in a relationship, not your in a relationship with her.

    • Alexander

      I wish I had a girl like you, who would have sex with me and not with my mind, playing “hard to get”. If he wants coy and subtle woman then he should find such a woman, and you should find a man who would appreciate fun and high sex driven girl. Don’t change, find a match.

  25. distressed

    Just knowing I’m not the only one suffering, has made me feel a little better.
    I’ve got a really wonderful man for a husband and we’ve been married for
    over 3yrs now. We had a great sex life the first year of our marriage, making
    love like every other day or even twice a day. At the end of the first year I found I was pregnant which we both were excited about and then suddenly the sexual coldness started creeping in. We would manage to have sex once in a month. It was a bit worrying for me but when I talked to him about it he just explained to me that he sees
    nd loves me in a different way as I’m pregnant. It didn’t sound too good to me but I tried to be understanding all the same.

    Fast forward to after our son’s birth and things moved from bad to worse. I have
    tried everything from working on my post baby body to sexy lingeries to romantic
    evenings to sharing my feeling with him severally but none of that has worked. I literally beg for sex most times of which I’m turned down. Not that he’s tired from work or anything hes just always nt in the mood, no matter how sexy im looking (or think I’m looking). I’m lucky if we have sex once in 3-4mnths initiated by me with lots of plea of course and this is affecting my self esteem.

    I really really love my husband and I know he loves me too. He’s a wonderful husband and father in every aspect and God forbid that I cheat on him, but this continued
    unfulfilled sexual need is turning me into an emotional wreck. I’m tired of feeling
    rejected hurt and crying myself to sleep. I just want to quench this sex drive and be on
    the same frequency with my husband at least that way we will both be happy (hopefully). Any help???

  26. jacinda

    I want it all the time but my boyfriend almost seems to not want me at all I’ve done everything I could to get him to notice me I feel so worthless I’m tired of begging an getting mad about it wish I could stop thinking about sex cause I’m just not wanted anymore

  27. Divyang

    You may tell your husband to masturbate as earlier when you don’t feel like having it.

  28. Amy

    My husband has dealt with chronic testicular pain since the onset of puberty. The only thing he’s found that consistently provides relief is ejaculation, so during his teens, he masturbated regularly (nightly). As an adult, once he married (the first time), he felt he’d be ok.. but she wasn’t interested in being a consistent sexual partner and they divorced after 27 years (7 of which were a solid dry spell due to her unwillingness).

    We married about 9 months after his divorce. It’s been hard for me. I so often feel like a piece of meat for his pain relief… instead of a wife. We don’t “make love”.. it’s sex (or worse). So now I’m following in her footsteps because I don’t like sex being a chore.


    • Laurie

      If your husband needs to ejaculate for therapeutic reasons, he should go back to masturbating more often. Your sexual desire needs to be respected here. He is treating you like a receptacle and that’s unacceptable. And it sounds like you’re very reasonable and not withholding from him… But if he needs to do it every single day, that’s just too much for some women and he needs to understand that, and take care of his own issues himself, not foist them on you.

  29. Xarium

    I am fed up with my sex drive and have always felt I’d be more productive if I could just switch it off. I am determined to find a way! I do have kids and a wife, but she could care less about sex. It is so destructive to have this constant nagging, similar to an an insatiable hunger.

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