Seeking Ways To Suppress Sex Drive

I'm a guy, I'm a chef, so I work long hours. I love my girl friend sooooo much. I'm 19 so I'm probably going through my height in sexual wantingness...sorry don't know the word...she is 19 as well and well she doesn't feel like it as much as I do. She's a chef as well...

All the above info taken into consideration I need something safe and effective to lower my libido because we talk and sometimes fight about how I want it so much... I don't want it to ruin the relationship cause I want to marry her 1 day... please I need something... I'm fit and work hard but I cant keep it down!... please some advice

This story mentions options for men; are the same ones effective for women?? Are there different ones? My new girlfriend has an extremely high sex drive (yes, I am truly blessed), but we are not in a hurry to take that step until we know that we have a future and yes, maybe even wait until marriage so that there is something special about being married. Any help is appreciated.

As I'm sure you have heard this problem in the past I'll make it short and simple. Shortly after the birth of our second child, my wife had an abnormal pap smear and had to have a biopsy. Since this time she has had no sex drive. Could this be medical or emotional? She says she has no desire to have sex at all, and if I bring up intimacy she gets upset. Can you please help me, I have been dealing with this problem alone and had no one to turn to, thank you.

hi i have extra sex drive, looking to reduce it as it affects my studies

I am one of those women men wish for (very attractive with a very high libido)... but be careful what you wish for! I cannot seem to find a suitable male who does not wain with the acceptable amount of sex for me after that 3-6 month initial dating period. My desire remains very high (for a woman - with 2 young children) at 3-4 times a week.

I've been sexually deprived (2-3xs a month for the 20 years of my marriage) and not found a boyfriend who matches me since my husband's death 8 years ago ... yes I'm in my 40ty's and no slowing down ...

So how do I slow me down??? The last guy is accusing me of treating him like a prostitute. He likes to be kissed and touched and flondles me but I"m not supposed to want anything out of it! Then once he does want sex (every 2 weeks) ... I get crazy cus then I want it again the next day and the day after, etc. It's like giving a heroine addict heroine just a little once or twice a month and then saying ... sorry no more for you. It's torture.

So how do I stop wanting it? What do I take - I need it or I'll not ever have a normal relationship, please.
Signed,
Shoulda been an Escort

I am married to a woman that has very low sex drive. I believe that I have done a lot to sexually please her, from great back rubs to extremely good orgasims that make her see double, yet she has said that sex is boring to her. Therefore, my only choice is to either find a girl friend or find a drug that reduces my sex drive.

I'm so very confused, maybe you can help me understand. I'm a 26 year old female in a committed relationship with a man I am deeply in love with and have been for two years. I've always had what i thought was a healthy sex drive, but now I'm concerned that it's not healthy. In the beginning we had a very active and passionate sex life, but as time goes by he seems less and less interested. For awhile I think he had sex with me just to keep me happy, and now he just ignores my advances. We've been together long enough that he knows when I'm trying. 90% of the time I'm the one that initiates sex. It's hard for me because I am so very sexually attracted to him, so much so that I have never turned him down. I know that we are not going to have sex several times a day like we did in the beginning, but I don't know why we can't do it several times a week. Most men that i have talked to wish their wives would give it to them half as much.

Sex is one thing that I truly enjoy doing. I have some painful health issues one being Fybro. and having good sex relaxes me, relieves stress, and allows me to sleep through the night which I can't do on my own. He's gained a considerable amount of weight but he has always been a big man, he's always been self conscious of his body. He rarely takes all of his clothes off in front of me. I, don't mind, and I'm always supportive of his physically appearance. I on the other had have not changed a bit. I'm the same size I was when we meet.

I try to spice things up, keep things interesting but my advances are not well received. I dress up and he acts like he doesn't know what that means. I used to send him sexy text messages through out the day as for play so that when he got home he'd be excited. Now if I do that he doesn't respond. Toys, videos, cameras, you name it I've tried it all.

I've tried talking about it with him and he ignores my questions. I really don't know what to do. I'm turned on if he touches me and it has really started to make me feel undesirable. The flipside to that is people constantly tell me how attractive I am. I wish that I didn't like sex then there would be no problems. He's not very good with affection or expressing emotion but he really is a great guy.

I still have needs and I have no desire to look elsewhere but I don't know what to do. Where can this herb be found.

I am a 43 year old man. Very fit marathon wannabe runner. I am married to the most wonderful, sexy woman in the world (sorry guys, I found her). We have three kids and we both work very hard at parenting and family stuff, but she's no longer interested in the marrage things. Her libido is below zero. Oh yes, that's right! Avoidance measures. I see zero as couldn't be bothered, but she's into making things happen so that sex is not possible. Eg picking a fight before bed. Pretending to be asleep when I touch her, etc.

I'm at my wit's end, and I want not to want her so much. Sounds wrong doesn't it, but I wish I hated sex as much as she does. It's so tragic.

I have spent today on the net instead of working, just looking for a cure for my desire that dosn't include cheating on this wonderful godess whom I adore.
Is there something I can take? I read licorice was worth a try, so I bought 500 grams and ate the lot.

Hope it works. Knowing my luck she'll want some tonight, but I doubt that.

I need something, or I'm going to go crazy and drive her away with my nagging. Or I'll cheat on her and die of the shame, or she'll find out and leave me.
Help help help.

Please tell me the side effects of anaphrodisiac and vitex.. Are there two different kinds of anaphrodisiacs for males and females? I am a male.. Thanks a ton.

I have been with my wife for 3 years now, but we have only been married 11 months. We have one child; she is 2 months old. I love my wife with all of my heart. And even after 3 years, I still think she is the most beautiful women on earth, and I'm very lucky to have her as a wife.

We have our normal marriage fusses every once in a while, but when we really fight it's about sex. I have an extremely high sex drive, and my wife likes sex with me, but she doesn't like that I want it all the time. I knew it was a problem from the start, but I always said I would get better about it, and I usually do for a little while. But then I find myself right back where I was, aggravating her for sex (me knowing if I will just not ask her for it, she will want and ask me for it and it will be much better), but most of the time I can't do that.

I know I have a problem, and I have to fix it one way or another. I love my wife so much, I would do anything in the world for her. I don't want my problem to cause our relationships trouble anymore. Help me if you can.

I am one of those old fashioned men that was brought up believing sex was for after marriage. "For better or worse." I never thought about the possibility my wife would have no sex drive at all. After 21 years of little or no sex, I find myself depressed and empty. I have made so many attempts to help her find some value in it, but she responds with statements like "What if you were paralyzed and could not do it". Many discussions with marriage counselors have revealed my wife has medical and psychological issues that prevent her form having any feelings for it. So what am I to do? Seeking a girlfriend is a ridiculous solution; there are too many potential problems, and dangers. It's also unfair to her and harmful. I have always had a strong drive, but the over past few years it has become stronger, and harder to control... It's tearing me apart, and driving me towards suicide. I just don't know what to do anymore.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. He is the most amazing man I have ever met. We have an incredible relationship. We spend a lot of time together, talk about everything going on in our lives, he supportive, caring and protective of me. I held off sex for the first few months and explained to him that it was important to me that we felt that there was potential for a real relationship before we added that part.

When we do have sex now it it amazing (seems to be for him as well), but it he rarely wants to be with me. I am very attracted to him in every way and think about being with him often. I try not to nag him about, only approaching him about once every two weeks.

I can certainly deal with once a week, but I am often rejected after two weeks of no sex. I have asked him if he is sexually attracted to me. He says he is and that he is just tired or most recently told me that after the last time he was sore for two weeks so he avoided being with me. Was it my initial talk with him that caused this?? I feel like crying over it everyday. I feel unattractive and rejected. Is my sex drive abnormal for a woman? Please help!!

i am a WOMAN with over the top libido. finding out i may have psas--persistant sexual arousal sydrome. after a year of dealing with this (since turning 40) i have found the anti-depressant pristiq has helped immensely, but am still looking to see if there is a natural herb or such that can help.

I am a 20 year old female who has been dating a guy for almost a year now. He is so great and I am head over heels in love with him, but the problem is..obviously...that i want sex way more than he does.

If we EVER bicker or fight,...its about sex and me wanting it and him rejecting it. i initiate sex about 97% of the time. We have sex about 2-5 times a week... but every time i see him i get so...aroused. what do i do? what can i take? If I'm in the mood and he isn't, i just turn to the chocolate icing in the freezer and suck on that for awhile. it isn't the healthiest choice...but it sure helps...kinda...well...not really i guess.
HELP!

Is she,by any chance, taking Premarin? When my doctor put me on Premarin I had the same problem. I stopped taking it and the problem cleared up by itself.

Seeing so many of the comments here definitely makes me feel less alone with our problem.

We have two kids, and we are both close to 40. The problem is that my wife's sex drive has dropped maybe once a month, and I could be intimate 2-3 times a day. To me she never wants sex, to her I always want sex.

The strain of this is tearing apart our marriage. My high sex drive is a curse and it's tearing us apart.

I too had a very active libido to the point of ruining one marriage of 12 years and almost my second marriage of 10 years. My present wife doesn't want sex but maybe 2 times a month sometimes even longer. I began taking siterone (anti androgen about 10 months ago) and things are great. I don't think about sex and if my wife is in the mood I can still function. In fact my orgasms are even better. do some research on chemical castration as there are several options. If you do take this route you will need to be under a doctors supervision as there can be some unwanted side effects.
Good luck all

For "I am one of those old fashioned men that was brought up believing sex was for after marriage."

SO sorry to hear your troubles. Suicide is not an answer. It is not your sex drive that is making you this miserable it is the fact that you may be married to someone you are not compatible with who has psychological issues you were not aware of. This is the danger in marrying some one before you fully know them. While I don't advocate sleeping around I feel a sexual relationship is necessary in a long term committed relationship (marriage license or not) and you must have had a serious long term relationship before you can know that you should marry.

A persons sexual identity is no less a part of them then any other part you need to be familiar with before trying to commit to a lifetime together. To be fair I have no doubt she did know know this part of her self either. If you have tried counseling and she is not willing to compromise or you guys are just not compatible then why not get a divorce and move on with your lives.

Medication to sabotage your sex drive and health to compensate for her psychological issues or medical issues is not fair to you and not a realistic answer. I would suggest finding a women you can be happy with you for many years in all respects and then once you have found her and been together for at least 5 years marry her and you will likely be together happily for the rest of your lives.

Romantic relationships are just deep loving friendships made intimate by sex.

hi
i dont know if i'm alone with how my sex drive is. ok my sex drive is strong ,only thing is it will fall down after just a minute or 2 like turning off like a switch. whats so troubling is it will turn back on after like 5 or 10 minutes. needless to say it really does drive me crazy in the head!! i sure do need some kind of help and dont know where to turn to, if its cheaper to turn it off completely with some kind of herbs then lets do it !! so i can keep my mind intact if its not to late!! please help me!!!!!!!!!!!

I am forty-five years old and my husband is fifty-one. We have been married almost 25 years. I need sex everyday. He is happy to make love only once or twice a week. I need something to diminish my libido, because he complains that all I think about is sex and I am afraid that he's going to move out of our bed. He was my first and has been my only man and I still love him like I did when I first fell in love with him. I also find him irresistible.

Wow. I googled 'ways to suppress sex drive' and hit this URL. I am like many people on here, same thing. Love my wife and kids, everything is good except sex. In fact that is great too..when we do it. But nowadays it can go over a month without us having it as she has a lower drive than me. Have talked about it lots..but well we just have a different level, and I guess that's that. For me sex even once a week would be quite nice. Sigh.
Quite saddened by the comments of the people above, I really feel for you, and understand what your going through, I am annoyed by TRs comments though. He or she persists with this la-de-da romantic view that if you are incompatible you should just seek someone who is compatible. That's just great (sarcasm intended) - never mind the kids - who cares about them, it's all about personal fulfillment at all cost!
Never mind that you may love your wife (like I do), and that you are just held a hostage by your hormones - which are in themselves chemicals - that you have no control over.
Personally if there was something I could buy and take that would make me not want to have sex or at least be in control of my sex drive (LOL me who wants it once a week maybe) that would be great.

Wow. I googled 'ways to suppress sex drive' and hit this URL. I am like many people on here, same thing. Love my wife and kids, everything is good except sex. In fact that is great too..when we do it. But nowadays it can go over a month without us having it as she has a lower drive than me. Have talked about it lots..but well we just have a different level, and I guess that's that. For me sex even once a week would be quite nice. Sigh.
Quite saddened by the comments of the people above, I really feel for you, and understand what your going through, I am annoyed by TRs comments though. He or she persists with this la-de-da romantic view that if you are incompatible you should just seek someone who is compatible. That's just great (sarcasm intended) - never mind the kids - who cares about them, it's all about personal fulfillment at all cost!
Never mind that you may love your wife (like I do), and that you are just held a hostage by your hormones - which are in themselves chemicals - that you have no control over.
Personally if there was something I could buy and take that would make me not want to have sex or at least be in control of my sex drive (LOL me who wants it once a week maybe) that would be great.

Hi folks, i've been reading the posts with great interest. It's great to know i'm not the only guy with this problem. I suppose it could be summed up by a popular joke about the subject over here in Ireland that goes like this, " In Ireland girls use sex to get married & guys use marriage to get sex".

I feel that the bit about the girls certainly applies to my marriage for the past 3 years. I would never have thought that a woman could turn off sex so much, but it's reached the point with me that i feel when we do spend about 10 mins at sex once every 5 or 6 weeks, she is just allowing me to do it to her rather than the 2 of us enjoying the act.

I don't know about you guys, but that's not what i want from a marriage, i can buy that down town any night I want to. I really don't want to try the obvious solution of having a sex partner outside but would gladly give my right arm for the name of a drug or something to kill my sex drive down to the level of my wife.

I firmly believe that it is a violation of the marriage covenant to not reach a consensus on the intimacy issue. The contract of marriage, is, to a certain extent, created to lighten the often constant sexual tension and help us enjoy a physical relationship with a safe, loving, trustworthy partner—“within the bonds of marriage”.

The spouse who refuses to participate in physical intimacy is putting the other partner in literal DANGER—by creating a situation of vulnerability; causing their thoughts to become obsessed with what is being withheld, the enticement of pornography, the temptation of an unwanted affair, and the build-up of resentment and anger—which over many years can result in various health problems.

The only FAIR way to handle this if one partner desires it every day and the other needs it once a month, is for both partners to adapt to a bit less or a little more than they actually want—i.e. maybe to 1-2 times each week—and NEVER—or very seldom—should either partner refuse.

The person who needs it more has got to KNOW he/she can trust the other partner to freely give intimacy—and the person who needs it less has got to KNOW he/she wont be expected to give more than what is agreed on.

(Btw--Good luck getting the one who wants it less to actually follow through; my husband will not agree to a “fair” balance; and several girlfriends refuse to even discuss such an agreement with their “hungry hubbys”).

I am a fairly attractive, young-looking 52-year old woman with a husband of 32 years and 5 adult children. I love my husband very much. I too have a high libido and, except for the first couple of years of marriage, my husband has not been interested in sex.

When we dated and married, he couldn't keep his hands off of me. I thought we were the perfect sexually-compatible couple. At one point he asked if I would always be there when he needed intimacy. I told him I would NEVER refuse intimacy to him. I kept that promise until about a year and a half ago when he finally approached me after yet another extended time period--I thought I would give him a taste of his own medicine and say no. Big mistake—he didnt beg or get mad or anything--didn't seem to hurt him at all--he just rolled over and went to sleep . So I lost out again…I wish I had exacted that same promise from HIM! I would never have thought his appetite would go away.

As for me, the attraction to my husband has NEVER gone away. I just wish I knew if it is due to something about ME—or if it is a disorder in HIM.

I have spent nearly 30 years quietly crying myself to sleep while clinging to the edge of the bed while he rolled over and went to sleep. Waiting, waiting; day after day, week after week, month after month—and finally, the entire year of 2008—with not one overture from him.

My attempts at initiating have gone badly, so I do not submit myself to the humiliation anymore. He nearly freaked out the first time I approached him years ago--my subsequent attempts have been refused for 3 decades. Some caveman instinct within him must think I am stepping out of my place by daring to initiate.

Actual Comments upon my initiating intimacy:

“I go to bed to sleep.” (not to read, not to talk, not to make love)

“I am too tired.” (staying up on the computer night after night, but cant take a few minutes for me).

“I love you but—dont take this personally—I am not attracted to you.” (not take personally? How?)

“I never heard of a woman who liked sex--you must be some sort of nymphomaniac.” (gee, thanks)

“My wife has more of a sex drive than I do”. (tells this to all his friends, so I get leered at frequently)

“This is abnormal for a woman to want sex so much”. (I think he is stuck somewhere in the 1800s)

I am utterly dependent on his whims—IF he ever decides to participate. It almost seems like a passive resistant behavior.

I have gone through many of the thoughts expressed in this blog—in desperation 22 years ago, I asked my doctor about libido suppressants and he nearly laughed his head off; he said I had “one lucky husband” to have a wife who liked sex. No help there.

I have figured out a few ways to handle this after eons of resentment, anger, fighting, crying bitterly, and useless discussions over the unfairness of it and trying to reach a compromise he refuses to honor.

I prayed and prayed to God to please take away these feelings of desire for him. I have come to a tentative point of acceptance (or denial!). It is not as hard to handle anymore. Maybe it is because of menopause hitting me. But especially if I can distract my mind enough and make a point of not ruminating on the unfairness of it, I do ok.

I spend a LOT of time reading in bed to distract my mind while he sleeps--and I frequently sleep on the couch to avoid his tempting physical presence. It helps take away the longing for him.

Thanks for this blog. I really did not know so many others suffer with this frustrating situation.

May God bless you and reach into your heart and life to give you strength to continue being faithful to your wonderful families in spite of this difficulty.

I fall into the female part of this discussion... You always hear from guys that they would love a girl like me, but put it into practice and you find out quickly that this just isn't true. I have had a high sex drive since I hit puberty and never found anyone to match it. I have been with the same man for almost 12 years, and it has always been the same - I am the initiator (95% of the time) and the sorely disappointed (90% of the time) night after night. I spend too many nights crying, feeling unattractive, and listening to snores come from the other side of the bed.

Other than this, we get along well, have similar or complementary interests and have established a good home. The biggest problem - we are both only ~30 - I love my husband, but I don't know if I can deal with this for the rest of my life! I am looking for a way to change my sex drive because the rejection is killing me...

I know what works. My sex drive is out of control and it is a huge waste of my time and threatening my relationship because I have to go outside for what I need. Several years ago I used spironolactone to turn it down and I am about to do the same again. It works very well but it also lowers blood pressure so the only down side is the occasional dizziness

You lucky people with too much libido. You could have ED instead. Caused by any number of legal pharmaceuticals. See: http://www.webmd.com/erectile-dysfunction/guide/drugs-linked-erectile-dysfunction for a list. HCTZ is the one which reduced me from twice a week to zero in 60 days.

I'm a bit of an oddball. I'm a 19 year old male, I don't have a girlfriend (and never had), I never had sex before and generally my libido was comparable with that of a 100 year old man. Until now. A few months ago, I started feeling insanely horny, something that would not normally happen to me. Worse, I get an erection every time I look at a woman.

I know what you're all gonna say- it's a normal thing but no, for me it isn't. I was never interested in sex and I liked it that way. I have lead a peaceful and non-stressing life. However now, my sex drive is driving me insane and it's ruining my life. My doctors keep telling me it's a "natural thing" but I keep telling them I don't want that "natural" thing- It's a road to nowhere.

I need someone who can point me in the right direction in my war against my animal needs. HEEEELP!!!!

It is not that simply Gil when you deeply love someone... Be respectful and informed yourself about syndromes women may not even know they have... This new syndrome which scientists are studying only for the last six years so not much is known and many women do not report it yet. And these are real people, these are couples who love each other and would love to make it work...

Oh my god i know how that feels. I have a normal to moderate sex drive but my boyfriend never wants to have sex at this point. Because i love him i just want my sex drive to go away.. it's not worth worrying about anymore.

i just feel defeated when on the two occations a week i try and get him in the mood he's to tired or is too into his book or just not in the mood to do it.

Getting rejected all the time sucks and i just want to quit.

This is the girl that put up how her boyfriend never wants sex because he's too busy with books, the history channel or just not in the mood. The saddest part of my story is he's 24 and i just turned 22 so this really sucks for me because were down to sex maybe once every two weeks and it makes me worried that in a years time he won't want it at all.

I brought the same issue to my husband. I gave the him the ultimatum that if he is not attracted to me that I love him enough to let him go to persue what does. I too get plenty of attention from even attractive strangers. It is hurtful when your eyes and other senses are focused on one person, but if their affections are not returned. I felt he deserved to feel what I feel for him. I also felt I deserved someone who returned my feelings. I felt embarrased having to bring up the issue. I felt like if he did start to return my attraction it would be out of obligation.

He assures me he is deeply in love with me and did not realize what he was doing. I will give him the chance to be what I need, but if the behavior continues, I will have to ask him to remain friends instead so I won't have to expect anything else.

In regards to the women's high libidos, I thought it was only me. I am 24, in love with an awesome man of the same age. We have our differences, but he is definitely my 80% (see: 80/20 rule). The sex thing is almost killing me, though! Sometimes I have literally tried to rape the man. Most of the times, when I do initiate, I get rejected. When he does oblige, he has the attitude of, "Ok, c'mon, let's get it over with." So many times I just thought he was cheating, but I know my boyfriend and he's just not into sex like I am. Apparently, this has been a recurring problem in all his previous relationships as well. And, he also has Bi-Polar disorder, so the condition in combination with his meds probably don't help. But that doesn't make me feel any better. I try my hardest to be understanding, but I have never felt so unattractive, so undesirable and so rejected when it comes to my sexuality. I am the type of woman that could do it everyday, but I was willing to compromise 1-2 times a week. We tried to agree on it, but he won't even do that! So, I am so depressed and I have given up. I want to find some type of supplement to lower my sex drive, because I know he is a good man, and sex alone is not worth giving him up for. Yes, it is unfair that I have to repress my sexuality, and yes I do know that sexuality is an important part of a relationship but I am choosing to stay with him.

The question is, how long will this last? Forever? We are not married, but I was hoping that we could be one day. It's not like the sex would be any more frequent. I have countless thoughts of sex with other men now, be it my exes or some some unnamed fantasy guy. I feel so guilty for thinking this way while laying beside him, but it's the only way I can cope. I am just trying to prevent those fantasies from becoming a reality. All of my exes keep in touch with me and they proclaim how they still fantasize about my sexual skill...they still desire me. And even though I have no true interest, it feels nice to be desired.

As for the guy that spoke of suicide, I feel your pain. I do not plan on killing myself, but sometimes I have been so depressed where I do contemplate it.