Seeking Ways To Suppress Sex Drive

I'm a guy, I'm a chef, so I work long hours. I love my girl friend sooooo much. I'm 19 so I'm probably going through my height in sexual wantingness...sorry don't know the word...she is 19 as well and well she doesn't feel like it as much as I do. She's a chef as well...

All the above info taken into consideration I need something safe and effective to lower my libido because we talk and sometimes fight about how I want it so much... I don't want it to ruin the relationship cause I want to marry her 1 day... please I need something... I'm fit and work hard but I cant keep it down!... please some advice

This story mentions options for men; are the same ones effective for women?? Are there different ones? My new girlfriend has an extremely high sex drive (yes, I am truly blessed), but we are not in a hurry to take that step until we know that we have a future and yes, maybe even wait until marriage so that there is something special about being married. Any help is appreciated.

As I'm sure you have heard this problem in the past I'll make it short and simple. Shortly after the birth of our second child, my wife had an abnormal pap smear and had to have a biopsy. Since this time she has had no sex drive. Could this be medical or emotional? She says she has no desire to have sex at all, and if I bring up intimacy she gets upset. Can you please help me, I have been dealing with this problem alone and had no one to turn to, thank you.

hi i have extra sex drive, looking to reduce it as it affects my studies

I am one of those women men wish for (very attractive with a very high libido)... but be careful what you wish for! I cannot seem to find a suitable male who does not wain with the acceptable amount of sex for me after that 3-6 month initial dating period. My desire remains very high (for a woman - with 2 young children) at 3-4 times a week.

I've been sexually deprived (2-3xs a month for the 20 years of my marriage) and not found a boyfriend who matches me since my husband's death 8 years ago ... yes I'm in my 40ty's and no slowing down ...

So how do I slow me down??? The last guy is accusing me of treating him like a prostitute. He likes to be kissed and touched and flondles me but I"m not supposed to want anything out of it! Then once he does want sex (every 2 weeks) ... I get crazy cus then I want it again the next day and the day after, etc. It's like giving a heroine addict heroine just a little once or twice a month and then saying ... sorry no more for you. It's torture.

So how do I stop wanting it? What do I take - I need it or I'll not ever have a normal relationship, please.
Signed,
Shoulda been an Escort

I am married to a woman that has very low sex drive. I believe that I have done a lot to sexually please her, from great back rubs to extremely good orgasims that make her see double, yet she has said that sex is boring to her. Therefore, my only choice is to either find a girl friend or find a drug that reduces my sex drive.

I'm so very confused, maybe you can help me understand. I'm a 26 year old female in a committed relationship with a man I am deeply in love with and have been for two years. I've always had what i thought was a healthy sex drive, but now I'm concerned that it's not healthy. In the beginning we had a very active and passionate sex life, but as time goes by he seems less and less interested. For awhile I think he had sex with me just to keep me happy, and now he just ignores my advances. We've been together long enough that he knows when I'm trying. 90% of the time I'm the one that initiates sex. It's hard for me because I am so very sexually attracted to him, so much so that I have never turned him down. I know that we are not going to have sex several times a day like we did in the beginning, but I don't know why we can't do it several times a week. Most men that i have talked to wish their wives would give it to them half as much.

Sex is one thing that I truly enjoy doing. I have some painful health issues one being Fybro. and having good sex relaxes me, relieves stress, and allows me to sleep through the night which I can't do on my own. He's gained a considerable amount of weight but he has always been a big man, he's always been self conscious of his body. He rarely takes all of his clothes off in front of me. I, don't mind, and I'm always supportive of his physically appearance. I on the other had have not changed a bit. I'm the same size I was when we meet.

I try to spice things up, keep things interesting but my advances are not well received. I dress up and he acts like he doesn't know what that means. I used to send him sexy text messages through out the day as for play so that when he got home he'd be excited. Now if I do that he doesn't respond. Toys, videos, cameras, you name it I've tried it all.

I've tried talking about it with him and he ignores my questions. I really don't know what to do. I'm turned on if he touches me and it has really started to make me feel undesirable. The flipside to that is people constantly tell me how attractive I am. I wish that I didn't like sex then there would be no problems. He's not very good with affection or expressing emotion but he really is a great guy.

I still have needs and I have no desire to look elsewhere but I don't know what to do. Where can this herb be found.

I am a 43 year old man. Very fit marathon wannabe runner. I am married to the most wonderful, sexy woman in the world (sorry guys, I found her). We have three kids and we both work very hard at parenting and family stuff, but she's no longer interested in the marrage things. Her libido is below zero. Oh yes, that's right! Avoidance measures. I see zero as couldn't be bothered, but she's into making things happen so that sex is not possible. Eg picking a fight before bed. Pretending to be asleep when I touch her, etc.

I'm at my wit's end, and I want not to want her so much. Sounds wrong doesn't it, but I wish I hated sex as much as she does. It's so tragic.

I have spent today on the net instead of working, just looking for a cure for my desire that dosn't include cheating on this wonderful godess whom I adore.
Is there something I can take? I read licorice was worth a try, so I bought 500 grams and ate the lot.

Hope it works. Knowing my luck she'll want some tonight, but I doubt that.

I need something, or I'm going to go crazy and drive her away with my nagging. Or I'll cheat on her and die of the shame, or she'll find out and leave me.
Help help help.

Please tell me the side effects of anaphrodisiac and vitex.. Are there two different kinds of anaphrodisiacs for males and females? I am a male.. Thanks a ton.

I have been with my wife for 3 years now, but we have only been married 11 months. We have one child; she is 2 months old. I love my wife with all of my heart. And even after 3 years, I still think she is the most beautiful women on earth, and I'm very lucky to have her as a wife.

We have our normal marriage fusses every once in a while, but when we really fight it's about sex. I have an extremely high sex drive, and my wife likes sex with me, but she doesn't like that I want it all the time. I knew it was a problem from the start, but I always said I would get better about it, and I usually do for a little while. But then I find myself right back where I was, aggravating her for sex (me knowing if I will just not ask her for it, she will want and ask me for it and it will be much better), but most of the time I can't do that.

I know I have a problem, and I have to fix it one way or another. I love my wife so much, I would do anything in the world for her. I don't want my problem to cause our relationships trouble anymore. Help me if you can.

I am one of those old fashioned men that was brought up believing sex was for after marriage. "For better or worse." I never thought about the possibility my wife would have no sex drive at all. After 21 years of little or no sex, I find myself depressed and empty. I have made so many attempts to help her find some value in it, but she responds with statements like "What if you were paralyzed and could not do it". Many discussions with marriage counselors have revealed my wife has medical and psychological issues that prevent her form having any feelings for it. So what am I to do? Seeking a girlfriend is a ridiculous solution; there are too many potential problems, and dangers. It's also unfair to her and harmful. I have always had a strong drive, but the over past few years it has become stronger, and harder to control... It's tearing me apart, and driving me towards suicide. I just don't know what to do anymore.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. He is the most amazing man I have ever met. We have an incredible relationship. We spend a lot of time together, talk about everything going on in our lives, he supportive, caring and protective of me. I held off sex for the first few months and explained to him that it was important to me that we felt that there was potential for a real relationship before we added that part.

When we do have sex now it it amazing (seems to be for him as well), but it he rarely wants to be with me. I am very attracted to him in every way and think about being with him often. I try not to nag him about, only approaching him about once every two weeks.

I can certainly deal with once a week, but I am often rejected after two weeks of no sex. I have asked him if he is sexually attracted to me. He says he is and that he is just tired or most recently told me that after the last time he was sore for two weeks so he avoided being with me. Was it my initial talk with him that caused this?? I feel like crying over it everyday. I feel unattractive and rejected. Is my sex drive abnormal for a woman? Please help!!

i am a WOMAN with over the top libido. finding out i may have psas--persistant sexual arousal sydrome. after a year of dealing with this (since turning 40) i have found the anti-depressant pristiq has helped immensely, but am still looking to see if there is a natural herb or such that can help.

I am a 20 year old female who has been dating a guy for almost a year now. He is so great and I am head over heels in love with him, but the problem is..obviously...that i want sex way more than he does.

If we EVER bicker or fight,...its about sex and me wanting it and him rejecting it. i initiate sex about 97% of the time. We have sex about 2-5 times a week... but every time i see him i get so...aroused. what do i do? what can i take? If I'm in the mood and he isn't, i just turn to the chocolate icing in the freezer and suck on that for awhile. it isn't the healthiest choice...but it sure helps...kinda...well...not really i guess.
HELP!

Is she,by any chance, taking Premarin? When my doctor put me on Premarin I had the same problem. I stopped taking it and the problem cleared up by itself.

Seeing so many of the comments here definitely makes me feel less alone with our problem.

We have two kids, and we are both close to 40. The problem is that my wife's sex drive has dropped maybe once a month, and I could be intimate 2-3 times a day. To me she never wants sex, to her I always want sex.

The strain of this is tearing apart our marriage. My high sex drive is a curse and it's tearing us apart.

I too had a very active libido to the point of ruining one marriage of 12 years and almost my second marriage of 10 years. My present wife doesn't want sex but maybe 2 times a month sometimes even longer. I began taking siterone (anti androgen about 10 months ago) and things are great. I don't think about sex and if my wife is in the mood I can still function. In fact my orgasms are even better. do some research on chemical castration as there are several options. If you do take this route you will need to be under a doctors supervision as there can be some unwanted side effects.
Good luck all

For "I am one of those old fashioned men that was brought up believing sex was for after marriage."

SO sorry to hear your troubles. Suicide is not an answer. It is not your sex drive that is making you this miserable it is the fact that you may be married to someone you are not compatible with who has psychological issues you were not aware of. This is the danger in marrying some one before you fully know them. While I don't advocate sleeping around I feel a sexual relationship is necessary in a long term committed relationship (marriage license or not) and you must have had a serious long term relationship before you can know that you should marry.

A persons sexual identity is no less a part of them then any other part you need to be familiar with before trying to commit to a lifetime together. To be fair I have no doubt she did know know this part of her self either. If you have tried counseling and she is not willing to compromise or you guys are just not compatible then why not get a divorce and move on with your lives.

Medication to sabotage your sex drive and health to compensate for her psychological issues or medical issues is not fair to you and not a realistic answer. I would suggest finding a women you can be happy with you for many years in all respects and then once you have found her and been together for at least 5 years marry her and you will likely be together happily for the rest of your lives.

Romantic relationships are just deep loving friendships made intimate by sex.

hi
i dont know if i'm alone with how my sex drive is. ok my sex drive is strong ,only thing is it will fall down after just a minute or 2 like turning off like a switch. whats so troubling is it will turn back on after like 5 or 10 minutes. needless to say it really does drive me crazy in the head!! i sure do need some kind of help and dont know where to turn to, if its cheaper to turn it off completely with some kind of herbs then lets do it !! so i can keep my mind intact if its not to late!! please help me!!!!!!!!!!!

I am forty-five years old and my husband is fifty-one. We have been married almost 25 years. I need sex everyday. He is happy to make love only once or twice a week. I need something to diminish my libido, because he complains that all I think about is sex and I am afraid that he's going to move out of our bed. He was my first and has been my only man and I still love him like I did when I first fell in love with him. I also find him irresistible.

Wow. I googled 'ways to suppress sex drive' and hit this URL. I am like many people on here, same thing. Love my wife and kids, everything is good except sex. In fact that is great too..when we do it. But nowadays it can go over a month without us having it as she has a lower drive than me. Have talked about it lots..but well we just have a different level, and I guess that's that. For me sex even once a week would be quite nice. Sigh.
Quite saddened by the comments of the people above, I really feel for you, and understand what your going through, I am annoyed by TRs comments though. He or she persists with this la-de-da romantic view that if you are incompatible you should just seek someone who is compatible. That's just great (sarcasm intended) - never mind the kids - who cares about them, it's all about personal fulfillment at all cost!
Never mind that you may love your wife (like I do), and that you are just held a hostage by your hormones - which are in themselves chemicals - that you have no control over.
Personally if there was something I could buy and take that would make me not want to have sex or at least be in control of my sex drive (LOL me who wants it once a week maybe) that would be great.

Wow. I googled 'ways to suppress sex drive' and hit this URL. I am like many people on here, same thing. Love my wife and kids, everything is good except sex. In fact that is great too..when we do it. But nowadays it can go over a month without us having it as she has a lower drive than me. Have talked about it lots..but well we just have a different level, and I guess that's that. For me sex even once a week would be quite nice. Sigh.
Quite saddened by the comments of the people above, I really feel for you, and understand what your going through, I am annoyed by TRs comments though. He or she persists with this la-de-da romantic view that if you are incompatible you should just seek someone who is compatible. That's just great (sarcasm intended) - never mind the kids - who cares about them, it's all about personal fulfillment at all cost!
Never mind that you may love your wife (like I do), and that you are just held a hostage by your hormones - which are in themselves chemicals - that you have no control over.
Personally if there was something I could buy and take that would make me not want to have sex or at least be in control of my sex drive (LOL me who wants it once a week maybe) that would be great.

Hi folks, i've been reading the posts with great interest. It's great to know i'm not the only guy with this problem. I suppose it could be summed up by a popular joke about the subject over here in Ireland that goes like this, " In Ireland girls use sex to get married & guys use marriage to get sex".

I feel that the bit about the girls certainly applies to my marriage for the past 3 years. I would never have thought that a woman could turn off sex so much, but it's reached the point with me that i feel when we do spend about 10 mins at sex once every 5 or 6 weeks, she is just allowing me to do it to her rather than the 2 of us enjoying the act.

I don't know about you guys, but that's not what i want from a marriage, i can buy that down town any night I want to. I really don't want to try the obvious solution of having a sex partner outside but would gladly give my right arm for the name of a drug or something to kill my sex drive down to the level of my wife.

I firmly believe that it is a violation of the marriage covenant to not reach a consensus on the intimacy issue. The contract of marriage, is, to a certain extent, created to lighten the often constant sexual tension and help us enjoy a physical relationship with a safe, loving, trustworthy partner—“within the bonds of marriage”.

The spouse who refuses to participate in physical intimacy is putting the other partner in literal DANGER—by creating a situation of vulnerability; causing their thoughts to become obsessed with what is being withheld, the enticement of pornography, the temptation of an unwanted affair, and the build-up of resentment and anger—which over many years can result in various health problems.

The only FAIR way to handle this if one partner desires it every day and the other needs it once a month, is for both partners to adapt to a bit less or a little more than they actually want—i.e. maybe to 1-2 times each week—and NEVER—or very seldom—should either partner refuse.

The person who needs it more has got to KNOW he/she can trust the other partner to freely give intimacy—and the person who needs it less has got to KNOW he/she wont be expected to give more than what is agreed on.

(Btw--Good luck getting the one who wants it less to actually follow through; my husband will not agree to a “fair” balance; and several girlfriends refuse to even discuss such an agreement with their “hungry hubbys”).

I am a fairly attractive, young-looking 52-year old woman with a husband of 32 years and 5 adult children. I love my husband very much. I too have a high libido and, except for the first couple of years of marriage, my husband has not been interested in sex.

When we dated and married, he couldn't keep his hands off of me. I thought we were the perfect sexually-compatible couple. At one point he asked if I would always be there when he needed intimacy. I told him I would NEVER refuse intimacy to him. I kept that promise until about a year and a half ago when he finally approached me after yet another extended time period--I thought I would give him a taste of his own medicine and say no. Big mistake—he didnt beg or get mad or anything--didn't seem to hurt him at all--he just rolled over and went to sleep . So I lost out again…I wish I had exacted that same promise from HIM! I would never have thought his appetite would go away.

As for me, the attraction to my husband has NEVER gone away. I just wish I knew if it is due to something about ME—or if it is a disorder in HIM.

I have spent nearly 30 years quietly crying myself to sleep while clinging to the edge of the bed while he rolled over and went to sleep. Waiting, waiting; day after day, week after week, month after month—and finally, the entire year of 2008—with not one overture from him.

My attempts at initiating have gone badly, so I do not submit myself to the humiliation anymore. He nearly freaked out the first time I approached him years ago--my subsequent attempts have been refused for 3 decades. Some caveman instinct within him must think I am stepping out of my place by daring to initiate.

Actual Comments upon my initiating intimacy:

“I go to bed to sleep.” (not to read, not to talk, not to make love)

“I am too tired.” (staying up on the computer night after night, but cant take a few minutes for me).

“I love you but—dont take this personally—I am not attracted to you.” (not take personally? How?)

“I never heard of a woman who liked sex--you must be some sort of nymphomaniac.” (gee, thanks)

“My wife has more of a sex drive than I do”. (tells this to all his friends, so I get leered at frequently)

“This is abnormal for a woman to want sex so much”. (I think he is stuck somewhere in the 1800s)

I am utterly dependent on his whims—IF he ever decides to participate. It almost seems like a passive resistant behavior.

I have gone through many of the thoughts expressed in this blog—in desperation 22 years ago, I asked my doctor about libido suppressants and he nearly laughed his head off; he said I had “one lucky husband” to have a wife who liked sex. No help there.

I have figured out a few ways to handle this after eons of resentment, anger, fighting, crying bitterly, and useless discussions over the unfairness of it and trying to reach a compromise he refuses to honor.

I prayed and prayed to God to please take away these feelings of desire for him. I have come to a tentative point of acceptance (or denial!). It is not as hard to handle anymore. Maybe it is because of menopause hitting me. But especially if I can distract my mind enough and make a point of not ruminating on the unfairness of it, I do ok.

I spend a LOT of time reading in bed to distract my mind while he sleeps--and I frequently sleep on the couch to avoid his tempting physical presence. It helps take away the longing for him.

Thanks for this blog. I really did not know so many others suffer with this frustrating situation.

May God bless you and reach into your heart and life to give you strength to continue being faithful to your wonderful families in spite of this difficulty.

I fall into the female part of this discussion... You always hear from guys that they would love a girl like me, but put it into practice and you find out quickly that this just isn't true. I have had a high sex drive since I hit puberty and never found anyone to match it. I have been with the same man for almost 12 years, and it has always been the same - I am the initiator (95% of the time) and the sorely disappointed (90% of the time) night after night. I spend too many nights crying, feeling unattractive, and listening to snores come from the other side of the bed.

Other than this, we get along well, have similar or complementary interests and have established a good home. The biggest problem - we are both only ~30 - I love my husband, but I don't know if I can deal with this for the rest of my life! I am looking for a way to change my sex drive because the rejection is killing me...

I know what works. My sex drive is out of control and it is a huge waste of my time and threatening my relationship because I have to go outside for what I need. Several years ago I used spironolactone to turn it down and I am about to do the same again. It works very well but it also lowers blood pressure so the only down side is the occasional dizziness

You lucky people with too much libido. You could have ED instead. Caused by any number of legal pharmaceuticals. See: http://www.webmd.com/erectile-dysfunction/guide/drugs-linked-erectile-dysfunction for a list. HCTZ is the one which reduced me from twice a week to zero in 60 days.

I'm a bit of an oddball. I'm a 19 year old male, I don't have a girlfriend (and never had), I never had sex before and generally my libido was comparable with that of a 100 year old man. Until now. A few months ago, I started feeling insanely horny, something that would not normally happen to me. Worse, I get an erection every time I look at a woman.

I know what you're all gonna say- it's a normal thing but no, for me it isn't. I was never interested in sex and I liked it that way. I have lead a peaceful and non-stressing life. However now, my sex drive is driving me insane and it's ruining my life. My doctors keep telling me it's a "natural thing" but I keep telling them I don't want that "natural" thing- It's a road to nowhere.

I need someone who can point me in the right direction in my war against my animal needs. HEEEELP!!!!

It is not that simply Gil when you deeply love someone... Be respectful and informed yourself about syndromes women may not even know they have... This new syndrome which scientists are studying only for the last six years so not much is known and many women do not report it yet. And these are real people, these are couples who love each other and would love to make it work...

Oh my god i know how that feels. I have a normal to moderate sex drive but my boyfriend never wants to have sex at this point. Because i love him i just want my sex drive to go away.. it's not worth worrying about anymore.

i just feel defeated when on the two occations a week i try and get him in the mood he's to tired or is too into his book or just not in the mood to do it.

Getting rejected all the time sucks and i just want to quit.

This is the girl that put up how her boyfriend never wants sex because he's too busy with books, the history channel or just not in the mood. The saddest part of my story is he's 24 and i just turned 22 so this really sucks for me because were down to sex maybe once every two weeks and it makes me worried that in a years time he won't want it at all.

I brought the same issue to my husband. I gave the him the ultimatum that if he is not attracted to me that I love him enough to let him go to persue what does. I too get plenty of attention from even attractive strangers. It is hurtful when your eyes and other senses are focused on one person, but if their affections are not returned. I felt he deserved to feel what I feel for him. I also felt I deserved someone who returned my feelings. I felt embarrased having to bring up the issue. I felt like if he did start to return my attraction it would be out of obligation.

He assures me he is deeply in love with me and did not realize what he was doing. I will give him the chance to be what I need, but if the behavior continues, I will have to ask him to remain friends instead so I won't have to expect anything else.

In regards to the women's high libidos, I thought it was only me. I am 24, in love with an awesome man of the same age. We have our differences, but he is definitely my 80% (see: 80/20 rule). The sex thing is almost killing me, though! Sometimes I have literally tried to rape the man. Most of the times, when I do initiate, I get rejected. When he does oblige, he has the attitude of, "Ok, c'mon, let's get it over with." So many times I just thought he was cheating, but I know my boyfriend and he's just not into sex like I am. Apparently, this has been a recurring problem in all his previous relationships as well. And, he also has Bi-Polar disorder, so the condition in combination with his meds probably don't help. But that doesn't make me feel any better. I try my hardest to be understanding, but I have never felt so unattractive, so undesirable and so rejected when it comes to my sexuality. I am the type of woman that could do it everyday, but I was willing to compromise 1-2 times a week. We tried to agree on it, but he won't even do that! So, I am so depressed and I have given up. I want to find some type of supplement to lower my sex drive, because I know he is a good man, and sex alone is not worth giving him up for. Yes, it is unfair that I have to repress my sexuality, and yes I do know that sexuality is an important part of a relationship but I am choosing to stay with him.

The question is, how long will this last? Forever? We are not married, but I was hoping that we could be one day. It's not like the sex would be any more frequent. I have countless thoughts of sex with other men now, be it my exes or some some unnamed fantasy guy. I feel so guilty for thinking this way while laying beside him, but it's the only way I can cope. I am just trying to prevent those fantasies from becoming a reality. All of my exes keep in touch with me and they proclaim how they still fantasize about my sexual skill...they still desire me. And even though I have no true interest, it feels nice to be desired.

As for the guy that spoke of suicide, I feel your pain. I do not plan on killing myself, but sometimes I have been so depressed where I do contemplate it.

I'm a twenty one year old male, so yeah, it's normal for me to have a high sex drive. But I want sex five or six times a day, and going without causes me to have panic attacks, hallucinations, hear voices and such.

I would like to have a normal relationship with my partner who has a cycle, where she'll want it as much as I do for a day, maybe two, then not want it at all for up to three months. I need an easy way to suppress my sex drive. It's killing me. Literally.

I am 51 and my husband is 45. We have a great marriage except for one thing. He wants sex everyday! He gets hurt very easily if I am not in the mood (I have fibromyalgia and had a hysterectomy 2 years ago). Usually I go through the motions just to satisfy him. I will also make the first move just so he knows I still love and want him.

I would not mind once or twice a week but everyday is killing me. Plus he is laid off and has nothing better to do! Is there anything to lower his sex drive just a little? He will not see a doctor and would be pissed if I brought up the subject.

I am dealing with a situation not mentioned here. I have an 82 year old father living in an assisted living facility. He is so vulgar and crude to the ladies working there. He is constantly making sexual remarks and tries to grab these ladies who are helping him. He his fully aware of what he is saying and doing but doesn't seem to care.

It has gotten to the point where the facility is ready to put him out and he has no place to go. And I didn't tell you, my mother is also a resident in the same facility. She is a dementia patient and if he is put out, she will have to go also. Because of their financial situation, if they go to a state run nursing home, the state will take everything thing they have, which isn't much.

I have tried to get his doctor to prescribe him something, but as of yet, he hasn't. Surely there is something that can squelch this behavior.

A lot of different people on here with the same problem. I too have a VERY strong sex drive. My wife suffers from Fibromyalgia, so the sex doesn't happen unless she is having a good day (not very often). Finding a compatible partner to begin with is very important, even though it does not apply to everyone here, and too many people get into relationships too soon to understand the other person's needs fully.

For those of us who started out great and for whatever reason have to change our lifestyles, well I guess we need some type of assistance. Quit feeling sorry for yourselves and accept the fact that life doesn't always give us what we want. I hope you all can find happiness, just reading these posts makes me feel better, at least I can have sex without the aid of a pill, just have to be patient I guess. I truly feel for those of you who are suffering and would recommend that you talk to a professional with or without your lover.

Wow. I can't believe so many others know what this is like. My sex drive is slightly above average. My boyfriends is well below average. Other than the lack of sex my relationship is perfect. I wish this one thing didn't hurt so much. We're both in our mid 30's and healthy. He just doesn't desire sex. Apparently this has been an issue for him before. On average we have sex once every 6 weeks or so. Its driving me crazy. At this point once a week would sound good to me.

It hurts so much to feel so undesired. Even when we do have sex it's only to please me. The sex is really good when it happens. Every time we do I get my hopes up that it'll be more frequent but my hopes are always crushed. Between rejection and knowing sex does so little for him I want to give up. That's why I'm searching for something to kill my sex drive. Never could I have imagined this would be my life.

I'm 44 and have been cursed with an extremely high libido. I could have sex 3 times a day. My wife of 10 years was happy with that at 1st but we now have a 6yr old son and she has a business that eats up all her time and energy. So, now we have sex once a month. Once a week is doable, but once a month is impossible. This has gone on for almost 2 years. I thought as I age my libido would naturally lessen, but I haven't seen that.

I feel like a crazy person! I've always had a high libido and now that I'm slipping into my 30's I feel it's only gotten higher.

Me and my boyfriend have a really healthy sex life. Usually 2-3 times a week, sometimes less, sometimes more. I should be satisfied and I'm not. I know it's not fair for me to expect him to satiate me every time I'm turned on... he would have to quit his job. I just wish that I could get my mind off of sex. I feel like I'm constantly calculating, if not manipulating, our next sexual encounter. And when things don't work out the way I "plan" I'm resentful.

It's mentally exhausting for me and totally unfair to my boyfriend!! I'm sick of wasting my time thinking about sex and yet I can't stop! I'm obsessed! I don't wan to take any mood altering meds because other than my nymphomania I'm a very happy, high functioning lady. I guess I'll just keep trying to check myself, keep myself busy, and hope that over time I'll learn to chill out.

Did you get any good information? I am a girl and trying to figure out how to lower my sex drive.

Thank you,
Lyndse

Well I'm 31 and my boyfriend is 38....we've been dating for 3 months...he used to not be able to get enough of me now I feel like old news. I am a very attractive woman....men drool over me all day....so why does the man I love look at me like I'm disgusting?

There are a shit load of natural herbs to increase libido....I ordered him some and he flipped and barely talked to me so I see I have no other option than to kill my sex drive....it would be better than hurting myself...the emotional pain and rejection is too much to bear....I guess I can become an alcoholic or take depression pills and be a zombie...these are my options?...screw this.........I need a new boyfriend!...I'm not destroying whats left of me for him...now I need natural herbs to make me stop loving and ungrateful man who obviously has some problems.

I love how they can turn shit around and make u feel like u have the problem when ur a normal 30 yr old healthy beautiful hot woman.....ahhh I see he thinks if he tears me down I won't feel I'm good enuff for someone else.....hmmmm....so familiar....sorry dude...I've fallen for this shit a few times.........Not Again!

I thought I was basically alone in this. I'm a 22 yr old female, & i have a very friggin high sex drive. It was never like this before my current b/f, & i just figure it's because we have such a wonderful relationship otherwise. We've been together almost a year. The first few weeks were bliss, where he actually seemed to want to make love with me.

Since that time, we've gone from 4-5 times a week to MAYBE once every 1 1/2 months. He teases the hell out of me, but shoots me down the minute i even try to move it along. I've dolled up, put on my best nightie, lace & all, & when i walked into the room, he didn't even notice. He makes me feel so bad for always wanting it, like i'm some sort of wierdo.

He's 25. This should not be. He says he loves me & that he's still very attracted to me, but there is no proof. He doesn't even try to initiate anything with me & when i do, I'm rejected.

I'm to the point where my ego can't take anymore rejection. I need something to kill my libido.

I'm a male and I know exactly how you feel. I don't know what to do.

Advice for all those seeking to lower sex drive: I find that the euphoria induced by coffee (like espresso) to really help lower sex drive.

But I also find that milk products, especially cheese, increase sex drive.

So stay away from cheese, and drink espresso (with cake on the side).

HTH.

Thanks to every I'm so relieved to know I'm not he only one with this problem, that in itself is very comforting.

I think for me JP hit the nail on the head with this comment "if not manipulating, our next sexual encounter. And when things don't work out the way I "plan" I'm resentful."

Hope they come up with some sort of safe drug that works to resolve this.

Wow... this is so depressing. I have been with my husband for 6 years. He was my first. For the first year he couldn't get enough of me to the point that I couldn't keep up. Then we were long distance for a while. After that, I found that it was often me going to him and getting rejected. I actually have a diary entry where I was panicking because we hadn't had sex for three days. ha ha ha! if only I'd known! Now it's once a month if I'm lucky, and once over three months without anything at all. Sometimes he won't even let me touch him.

He is the most wonderful person and every other part of our relationship is heaven, except this. He is very loving and affectionate but the sex has disappeared. He was absolutely wild when I met him and the sex is incredible when it happens.

It's breaking my heart. I find myself trying to get male attention elsewhere, which I am ashamed about. I know I would never cheat on my husband, but I just like to be looked at as a woman now and then.

I've reached the point where I am trying to accept that this will be my life. I am 28, we don't have any kids, this should be when we're going crazy on each other. The idea of being in a sexless marriage terrifies me, but I have no choice but to accept it, because I love my husband. I guess you can't have it all...

I have been taking chasteberry capsules for 1.5 months now. It has had some positive side effects like regulating my periods and making PMS less severe, and I am less sensitive sexually. It hasn't really helped with the thoughts of sex.

I wish I could go back to when I was ignorant and didn't think about sex. The array of hobbies and projects I have going as distractors is incredible. If anyone has a solution please help.

It is a breath of fresh air to know that I am not alone.

I am a female who is married to a man that is 20 years my senior and in the beginning things were great but I did notice that he seemed to be a bit uncomfortable after a while when I would make advances at him. I always knew that after a while things would taper off a bit.

My love for him is so profound I'm willing to give up sex all together. He would somehow strongly disagree with this theory and say that I over eggagetate. But, like a lot of the women's comments I read in this blog - when it DOES happen I get real excited and expect it the next day and so on.

I have tried talking to therapist who recommended sex toys. He didn't take that so well. He feels that he is holding me back from "what is really important to me". I don't know about other women, and I am interested to find out but "artificial stimulation" like masturbation and sex toys do nothing for me but intensify my desire for sex. It brings about 5 minutes of relief and then I'm worse off then before I started.

I have looked into Sexaholics annonymous but I don't feel that's quite the way to go. I just want to feel more comfortable in my marriage. I don't want to give him the idea that he has to be a machine or that sex is ALL I think about.

I notice my drive goes thru the roof a few days before my cycle starts (then I know once my cycle starts I'm on an automatic 4 day drout). I know my husband feels bad that he rejects me so often so I have resorted to trying to avoid asking but I find that when he's ready, I pre-expect it to be over fast and I end up eager for more then it's another 2 week wait.

I'd rather just kill my drive all together and then he will see that he means so much more to me. If you have any suggestions, please help.

I'm 29 and I married the most wonderful man. Everything is great with us. He is an amazing guy and I love him so much. I am pregnant with my second child. I have always had a high sex drive, but with pregnancy and hormones it's through the roof.

I know that even after the baby is born it will still be high, since it was like that with my last pregnancy, so I know as soon as I am physically able I will want him again.
I love him so much,but I have spoken to him about this many times, I have felt humiliated asking, always initiating and being rejected hurts so bad.

Is it true that Zoloft will diminish my sex drive? I just want it to go away. I hate crying and feeling horrible because I want him so much and he doesn't want me nowhere near the same amount as I want him. What can I do? Even sleeping on the same bed as him is hard. So I come to bed late or I just sleep somewhere else.

I don't want this to ruin my marriage and I just really want it to go away. Is there anything I can do to make sure that sex is something I can say goodbye to? I have never rejected him, when he actually does want it. But I can't always hope for that. I love how he feels and I am so attracted to him. I really need help so my libido dies or drops to zero. Please help me.

Hi, it helps to know that i am not alone in this predicament. I am a 31yr old woman with a high sex drive. My fiancee and I have been together 4 years and have two beautiful children together so splitting up and finding someone else sexually compatible is not an easy alternative. When we first started dating, it was long distance and so when we saw each other we would have sex several times over a 3 day period. I told him that i had a high sex drive and needed someone who could match me. He told me that he had a high sex drive also,but this has turned out to be the very opposite.

I would happily have sex 2 or 3 times a day, and would cope much better with sex once or twice a week. I am the initiator 99.5% of the time, and 99% of the time the rejected one. On the rare occasion that he actually wants sex, he is drunk and cant find where to put it, been smoking, and hanging out with the boys first. This makes me feel as though he has to get drunk to want to do anything, and that he only gets horny around his mates.

I often think that if i had a penis i would get further. i do not want sex in this situation, but i am so deprived that i end up doing it and feeling absolutely worthless afterwards.

I have tried telling him how much it hurts me when he rejects me and how low my self worth is from this, but he says that he is not rejecting me, not to let it affect me self esteem, that he just doesn't want sex.

When the kids go to bed he gets on the computer for hours chatting to all his friends, i have to go to bed so that i can look after the kids in the morning, when he finally comes to bed, he goes straight to sleep and is snoring within minutes. I end up curled up on my side of the bed bawling my eyes out night after night. He is very tall so we had to get a king sized bed so that his feet wouldn't hang out, so most of the time we wont even touch all night.

I am so depressed, and am going absolutely mental wanting sex. Whats more on the rare occasion that we do it, he is over and done with within the minute and i end up more frustrated than before.

I am getting to the point that i am obsessing about sex all the time and feeling cheated. Whats more we are now in the process of planning our wedding, and i don't even want to because i don't know how much more rejection i can put up with.

I have asked him to see the doctor and see if anything is wrong, and if we can do anything about it but he refuses, and doesn't think anything is wrong with him, in fact he becomes quite angry and we have massive fights over sex.

Please if anyone knows how to reduce a sex drive please reply, i am going out of my mind and our children are being caught in the middle.

To the ladies with "too high" sex drives:

Does your man masturbate? I bet almost every one of them does. They might not admit to it, but you'd probably find porn links on their computers.

I'm not saying this is a bad thing necessarily, but it is selfish of them if they are withholding their desire from their willing, even eager, partner.

AND, if they're fulfilling their sexual tensions, then you should too. "Resorting" to masturbation is not wrong. It is you taking care of your own body. If you have an itch, you scratch it!

If you're lucky, they will be turned on by the passionate sounds you make, and remember how much fun sex can be. And if you're not so lucky, at least you won't feel so badly about your life.

You're not a "nympho" or a "slut". You're a woman with a natural, God-given sexual drive.

Thanks MF. I should have thought of that but you are right... I feel better after hearing some similar stories to my own.

I have never had any problems until now.

I envy all the posters who are married and can live out their sex drives, yet I feel for those who realize that their partners have a different level of sexual drive. I'm 38 years old and unfortunately, I'm not married yet. However, I have a strong desire for sexual fulfillment and intimacy! I think I would be one of the kind of woman who would want it almost every day, but I can't have it right now! Oh how do I wish that there would be an herb that would work for me, and help me to put that to rest while I'm still single!

I can't give you a solution, but I can tell you that you are NOT alone. My ex-husband has no interest in a sexual relationship, and that lack of interest was the reason for our divorce. I was 25 years old when we divorced and he had no interest at all. I read every book imaginable, dragged him to therapists and counselors and in the end it did nothing at all. Most books made me want to cry because they immediately started discussing the "normal" problem of a man's massive sex drive. The arrogance of the male authors was insane! Female authors were even worse.

I don't know how to help you, but I can tell you that you are not alone. I feel your pain, truly. I love my ex-husband with all of my heart and have never dated anyone after our divorce. I know that I am seriously in need of a psychologist right now, and I am quite convinced that I suffer from Depression. However, I made the choice to go back to college after our divorce and lack of finances has kept me from being able to get over these issues.

If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, or some encouragement, just send me a message. Reading your comment, as heartbreaking as it was, did give me a bit of encouragement. I'm not the only one either.

To the guys out there: if you are not interested in sexual activity PLEASE seek help or find a way to allow your partner to move on. This has shattered my life, my self-esteem, my dreams, ect. Stats have shown that women think about sex twice as much each day as most men do. Women also connect sex with security, acceptance and love much more often. If you take the sex away, you rip us apart and leave us feeling totally rejected.

Your post got my attention in a big way. I believe that my wife may feel about me in a similar way that you feel about your husband. I am a 50 year old male and we have been married for almost 22 years. My wife and I had a what might be considered normal sex life for less than 2 years. We are both healthy, fit, and people say, attractive. I offer what may be some insights from a male's perspective.

Coming from divorced parents, I had no relationship training or role models. Until I recently began to read this type of forum, I seriously didn't know that sex is an important part of marriage. Until recently, I am embarrased to admit that I thought men liked sex and women didn't. Men chased, and women were chased. I'm still not inwardly convinced of it being otherwise. (Where the heck did I get these ideas from?) I married a woman who came from an alcoholic family and, as she says, raised her parents and siblings. Neither of us drinks.

When I was young I hated my libido. I saw it as a curse, not a gift. I was afraid of girls. At times, I wished I had the "balls" to ask my doctor for castration, just to remove the discomfort caused by this curse. That's how bad it was. I believed that once I was married though, that this curse would be relieved by regular sex. Boy, was I in for a surprise.

Practically from our wedding day, we were submerged by huge misfortunes and medical problems in the area of intimacy. We were unable to go on a honeymoon even because of my wife's immediate hyperemmis. In sum, there was to be no sex life for me for some time into our marriage.

We had a short time of sex life, between our first and second child, and that was it. I remember that we both seemed to enjoy sex at that time. More hyperemmisis hit and then a sick second child.

It's amazing in retrospect that we both didn't go crazy during those years. Yet my curse continued, sex never being possible because of perpetual exhaustion and my wife being perpetually not in the mood.

I guess my aformentioned philosophy about the chaser and the chasee got in the way of our tiny intimate life during these years. I would feel extremely frustrated when I really wanted sex and she didn't and that was nearly always the case. One evening she blew up. She ranted at me for 1.5 hours, critisizing and condeming every part of me, even parts that I honestly thought were normal about me. She destroyed me, and I let her, knowing that if I didn't let her vent, I would pay more dearly later on (such are her ways.) After all, words can't do that much damage I thought.

Well, wrong again. I was broadsided and saw that my wife had made alot of good points. I had been a selfish slimeball. So I chose to correct this, as I thought at the time, by vowing to myself that evening to never initiate again, never start again, never talk about sex again and never even to show interest in sex again, unless she initiated. After all, as she made perfectly clear, I was a man and was always ready, and she was a woman and needed to be shown more respect. I also promised myself that I would always be ready to please her when she wanted. I could do this, since I was a man after all. I kept my promises.

And I did, for about 6 weeks. Then, with no understanding of why to me, I began to loose interest in sex. I became no longer ready to please. I became unable to please eventually. The loss of interest has continued to this day, 17 years later. We even had another child some years later, but he was conceived completely by my wife's lead and direction. (A half-mast baby I have often thought to myself.)

I am always being surprised how my libido sinks to ever new lows after thinking that it cannot possibly go any lower. There has been no sex life for us for, well, 17 years. For the past 17 years, there has been only bad feelings and an ever decreasing desire for sex on my part. My wife on the other hand, is desparate for sex, but I can't help her now. Here's where I think this story fits into this forum.

Now, my wife wonders what happened to my libido. When I read your post ljr, I began to wonder if something like my story has happened to other couples. I must admit, that I feel very bad about hurting my wife as her sentiments are probably quite similar to yours. I was in fact very moved by your situation. We don't ever talk about sex. We share nothing intimate at all. I have my own bedroom and she does not want to feel "patronized" should I ever try to keep her company in her bed.

“I go to bed to sleep.” (not to read, not to talk, not to make love)

“I am too tired.” (staying up on the computer night after night, but cant take a few minutes for me).

“I love you but—dont take this personally—I am not attracted to you.” (not take personally? How?)

I have uttered similar things. I have never been so blunt as to say "I am not attracted to you" but that has become the situation. For a while I tried to blame the problem on ED and play up the feelings of inadequacy it supposedly causes (and at my wife's insistance have tried samples of Viagra and such). But the problem is that I just don't like sex. Over the years my wife has come up with suggestions as to why the big change. I think she get these ideas from women's mags but they definitely don't apply to us. She doesn't understand perhaps, the agony and torture that libido has been for me throughout most of my life and she doesn't understand the effect that a serious tongue lashing on such a sensative issue can have. She also wants to hear nothing about how I feel.

And so today, why am I reading forum on such a topic? Well, it's because, and there may be other guys out there who have this problem, I have a problem of risidual libido. Like a neutered dog I think, I still have some kind of feeling that there is something missing but I have no way of expressing it. I can't do anything with my wife I feel, I wouldn't even know where to begin. Although I feel something missing, I feel so distanced from sex that the thought of it is repulsive to me. I can not even fathom the idea of going and finding someone to get close to and wouldn't do it even if I could. And, all this was not so 20 years ago.

So, libido is still a curse to me although in a slightly different way than before. I am exploring the idea of medicine to help alieviate this lifelong problem. Can anyone relate to what I have said? Any medicinal suggestions? No bad side effects hopefully.